Breaking -- Jenner Withdraws From Race

Belinda, formerly Bruce, Jenner has announced her/his intention to withdraw from the race to become Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church.

Jenner looked set to become the world's first ever openly trans bishop, but after disclosing that she/he was a Christian and a Republician, the famous athlete took its name out of the running for the tiny denomination's top job.

"Belinda was a famous athlete, who is now trans, and we welcome that," stated one cathedral canon, "But being a Christian Republican obviously disqualifies her from the position."

So who will be the next PB?

In the meanwhile, the Episcopal Church is as trans as planet Nibiru's orbit is long.

God bless,

LSP

Storm Front Trans Apocalypse

There was an eerie stillness, then the sky turned green, the wind picked up and the clouds opened to bursts of thunder, as rain lashed down onto the metrosprawl, backlit by lightning.

So what, you say. This is Texas, it's a big country and it has big weather. True, but this was especially big, with a tornado warning in effect. Perhaps the twister touched down in the merrie olde suburbs of Mansfield and Arlington. I hope not, for their sake.

We wait for reports of apocalypse, destruction and chaos, with magazines loaded, a round in the chamber, and vicious kukris honed to a razor edge. Maybe some crew of street punks will chance their luck, here at HQ. They'll wish they hadn't.

In other news, Bruce Jenner has announced his/her intention to become Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church and the world's first ever trans bishop.

What can we say but good luck Bruce! Anyone that says you're a freakish, blasphemous, parody of a woman is a hater. Obviously.

Carry on,

LSP

Is Hillary Clinton Run by a Broken AI?

There is growing concern in the Intelligence community that Hillary Clinton is being run by a malfunctioning artificial intelligence (AI), code named HARRIDAN.

"Her mistakes are beyond human comprehension," stated a  source who prefers to remain anonymous for reasons of personal security, "The only explanation for this series of catastrophic blunders is HARRIDAN. The AI that's been running her is clearly broken."

Hillary has been plagued by a catalogue of embarrassing revelations ever since she announced her bid to become President of the United States of America, and the most powerful woman in the world. These include:

Preferred treatment to businesses that donated millions of dollars to the Clinton foundation, including Russian owned Uranium One.

Millions of dollars paid to the Clintons in speaking fees by businesses, such as Goldman Sachs, Barclays Capital and Deutsche Bank, who donated heavily to the Clinton Foundation.

False tax returns, which failed to list foreign government donations to the Clinton Foundation while Hillary was Secretary of State.

Using private emails and a private server to conduct government business, during Hillary's time as Secretary of State. These emails were subsequently deleted and the server "wiped clean."

Falsifying blame for the Beghazi massacre, in which a US Ambassador was tortured and killed.

Claiming to be poor, when in receipt of $200k+ speaking fees and the possession of multiple homes and mansions.

Pretending to be the champion of "ordinary Americans" while admitting to not driving a car since 1996.

Hillary Clinton dismisses these and other allegations as "absurd conspiracy theories." Is this yet more evidence that HARRIDAN's Truth Algorithm is broken and that her Personal Power AI (PPIA) has run amok?

Sources deep within US Intelligence believe that it is.

You be the judge,

LSP

LL Flies to Texas

Some people don't have much to say and what they do say is depressing, negative, boring and stupid. None of these things apply to LL, and I know this because he broke free of California and visited Texas this week.

The conversation was varied, ranging from drones and kukris to Atlantis, soteriology, and everything else in between. Of course most of this is classified, but not all; here's a paraphrase, as we were taking a break at the range.

  "I say, old chap," I asked, adjusting the settings of my thermal visioning monocle, "What d'ye think of Preppers?"

  "Preppers?" Growled LL, channeling General Patton, "I've always been a prepper, because I've always been prepared, but some of these guys are too narrow. Their plan lacks perspective."

  "How's that?" I replied, cutting the head off a snake with a handy, razor sharp kukri.

  "Well, I turn up at their fort with a canon, a Civil War cannon, that has a range of not much less than a mile, and I start pounding that compound with hot shot. What then? Yeah, maybe they run out, perhaps they sally forth. I want that, I want them in my kill box."

  "A Civil War cannon?"

  "Right. A Civil War cannon. Maybe a trebuchet. I could make both of them, so could you."

   "So perhaps the redoubt should be underground?"

   "Exactly."

After some ranging about we drove south to meet friendly forces. Rumors of hedgehogs are entirely without foundation.

Texas, which is perfect, is nonetheless a poorer place without LL.

God bless,

LSP 

Happy Earth Day!

Everyone loves Earth Day, and no one more so than us at Team LSP. So here's a little Gaia prayer to help us with that.

Our Mother whose body is the Earth,

Blessed are you,

And blessed are all the fruits of your womb.

You give us this day our daily bread,

And we share it with others.

Our Mother whose body is the Earth,

We love you with all our hearts,

And our neighbors as ourselves.

Beautiful, isn't it.

LSP

Dire Wolf

The Missions had a clean up day on Saturday, which meant I worked as a kind of laborer, helping to shovel up debris and hauling off the odd tree branch; it was good to get out with some of the men of the church.

One of them talked about his time as a young man on his parents' ranch in Ontario, where he somehow adopted a timber wolf as a pet. The wolf was loyal and friendly to him, but to no one else.

On Sunday, I said to him, "Good story about the wolf." He replied, "You have to be two things to have a wolf for a pet. In your early 20s and very, very stupid."

I liked that.

God bless,

LSP

Meet Your Overlords

Wikileaks has revealed that Green Elite Overlord, Leonardo DiCaprio, flew by private jet 6 times in 6 weeks last year. Each flight cost tens of thousands of dollars in jet fuel, luxury and millionaire socialism.

Some have accused this progleft NWO shill of hypocrisy. Well that's weird.

You can read all about it here.

LSP

Juke Box Saturday

Texans everywhere are rejoicing over the imminent end of almost 150 years of repressive anti-constitutional legislation, that prevented supposedly free citizens from carrying handguns openly.

Loser

That looks set to change, soon. And sorry, Piers Morgan, you lose. Again.

Kick out the Jams,

LSP

Open Carry Passes Texas House of Representatives

Open Carry comes one step closer to Texas, with the state's House of Representatives voting 96-35 to allow citizens to openly carry handguns, provided they have a CHL (Concealed Handgun License).

A similar measure passed the Senate last month, and the two bills must be squared before being sent to Governor Abbott to be signed into law. Abbott has said that he supports open carry and stated, in December, 2014, that he would "sign whichever open carry bill withstands the legislative process and makes it to my desk."

Texas is one of only six states that forbid citizens from openly carrying handguns, thanks to repressive legislation that dates back to the post Civil War Reconstruction Government.

In anticipation of open carry finally becoming law in the hopefully near future, joyous Texans are playing Honky Tonk Heroes on a continuous loop.

If you do not like Honky Tonk Heroes, you are in grave error.

LSP

Michelle Obama Gorges, American Children Starve

While First Lady, Michelle Obama, gorges on fried chicken and White House delicacies, American children are being starved by her gulag-style school food menu.

Photos from a Virginia school show what appears to be a small brown bun resting on a piece of fish, with a handful of what may be corn. A concerned parent posted photos of the starvation diet school lunch on social media. Portsmouth Public Schools were quick to defend the food.

“The meal in this photo and other meals served by Portsmouth Public Schools meet nutritional and USDA requirements,” stated a food service coordinator, Jim Gehlhoff.

Children around America have complained at Michelle Obama's healthy school food initiative, posting photos to Twitter of inedible lunches under the hashtag #ThanksMichelleObama.

Is this yet one more example of the maxim that whatever the progleft libs enact or propose, produces the exact opposite of its intended effect? In the meanwhile, American children starve.

Chow down, Michelle.

LSP

And Then There Were Two

Once there was only one gas-driven monster in my armory, a lowly CMMG carbine. Now there are two of the little beasts, and I took them both out for a spin today. 

A Lead Sled proved they shot rather better than I do, which was pleasing, and the new AR was a lot of fun to shoot off-hand. Very fast and smooth, and I'm looking forward to trying out its Primary Arms 1x6 scope at distance. 

This has a 1 MOA dot surrounded by a horseshoe, and bullet drop compensation out to 800 yards. The reticle also includes a fairly intuitive ranging system along with holds for wind. It's illuminated (red) but the markings are etched into the glass, so if your battery dies the scope still works. Is it a Trijicon? No, it's not, but the price is right and it works.

The carbine's more of a red dot barker, but that shot well too. At least one reader of this family blog has suggested I make it a truck gun. Maybe I will.

Are these ARs tactical? Yes, very. You can tell that by their pistol grips. Are they deadly assault rifles? I think it's obvious that they are. Do they enrage, terrify and disgust progleft libs, like a pork chop in Ramadan? Yes, they do, and that's a bonus. They're also a lot of fun and if you have to shoot something, they get the job done. So it's benefits all 'round.

Keep squeezing the trigger,

LSP

ISIS Camps on US Border

By now everyone knows that ISIS has a training camp a few miles from El Paso and the Texas border. According to Judicial Watch, the Muslim terrorists are being smuggled into the US by cartel-backed "coyotes."

In the meanwhile, the Obama administration appears more concerned about "domestic extremists," than the very real terrorists in our backyard. Perhaps they intend to counter Violent Extremism By No One In Particular in Mexico with job opportunities and benefits. That might explain our open border policy.

Allow the terrorists into the U.S. where they can get good jobs and then, as if by magic, they won't be terrorists anymore.

In the meanwhile, ISIS laughs. Let's see that last when they arrive in Texas.

LSP

Big Brother and the Holding Company

Big Brother, or Big Nanny, wants to get hold of even more bullets, with the Department of Homeland Security looking to purchase 62 million rounds of .223 ammunition. 

This follows the DHS's 2013 purchase order of 1.6 billion rounds of ammunition, which lead to nationwide shortages of popular calibers, especially .223 and 5.56, which are used in AR 15 rifles. It also comes after the ATF's failed attempt to ban M855 ammo earlier this year. 

Could it be that Big Brother wants to hold all the ammo so that you can't, effectively doing a home run around the 2nd Amendment? Surely not. The DHS needs all those bullets and the Administration doesn't want to stop you owning a gun. Except that it does. 

1.6 billion rounds is estimated, by Iraq War standards, to be enough for a 20 year shooting war.

It's all conspiracy theory until it's conspiracy fact, my friends.

LSP

The Awesome Beauty of Liturgical Dance

One of the things we like, here at the Compound, is Liturgical Dance. And while we're at it, why not accompany the Dance with a patriarchy-busting version of the Lord's Prayer. Like this one:

O Divine Womb,
birthing forth the river of blessing which runs through all,
Soften the ground of our being,
and hallow in us a space for the planting of thy presence.

In our depths,
sow thy seed with its greening-power
that we might be midwives to thy Reign.

Then, let each of our actions
bear fruit in accordance with thy desire.

Impart to us the wisdom to bring forth the gifts of the earth
and share them daily according to the needs of each being,

And restore that which has been usurped
by injustice to its rightful owners,
as we restore to others that which is not our own.

Do not let us be seduced
by that which would divert us from our purpose,
but make us sensitive to the moment at hand.

For from thy fertile soil is born the creativity,
the life-energy, and the dance,
from birthing to birthing. Ameyn.

How very, very beautiful. And awesome.

Ameyn.

LSP

Houses of the Holy

Don't get me wrong, country life is great, but I decided to drive to Dallas this evening with Blue Zeppelin, to grill out with GWB and his old pal CB. CB sells Old Masters; who knew there were any left to sell? Well, there are, but it's a "niche market." A good one to be in too, I'd imagine.

With that in mind, I made the drive to the frozen metrosprawl of Northern Texas in 45 minutes. I35 was apocalyptically deserted, which made for the good time. Of course some EOTW/SHTF scenarios would leave the highways impassible, choked with the wrecks of cars and trucks.

A good off-road vehicle might be helpful in that situation, or even better, the presence of mind to have a place in the country and the forethought to be there on time.

Be prepared,

LSP

Hillary Clinton for President?

Despite being enmeshed in a never-ending stream of scandal, Hillary Clinton is running for President because she wants to be the most powerful person in the world. What qualities will she take to the job? 

Ambitious

Calculating

Secretive

Entitled

Harridan

Good luck, America.

LSP

Low Sunday

Today is Low Sunday and the air is filled with the smell of slow cooking pork, which my neighbors have put on their fire pit, and with the sound of chickens, which have escaped the grill. The peacock is strangely silent.

Rain is falling and I reflect on Thomas, who touched the wounds of Christ. "My Lord and my God," he said. My dog, Blue Anselm, doesn't seem too struck by this and dozes on the kitchen floor. He is a natural theologian.

God bless,

LSP

Gun Rights, Don't Retreat.

Libs think that you're safer if you're disarmed. Or to put it another way, if you can't defend yourself, you won't get hurt. That's why they want to ban guns and give them all to the Government, which will protect you. History argues otherwise, and so does Texas. 

"In Texas if a person is present in any place where they have a right to be, they have no duty to retreat and have the right to use force, including deadly force, if they reasonably believe that it is necessary to prevent death or serious bodily injury to themselves or to prevent the commission of murder, aggravated kidnapping, sexual assault, aggravated sexual assault, robbery or aggravated robbery."

No duty to retreat. I like that.

Gun rights,

LSP

Scientists Predict Discovery of Alien Life in 20 Years!

Brainiac boffins at NASA predict that alien life will be found in twenty or thirty years. 

“I think we’re going to have strong indications of life beyond Earth within a decade, and I think we’re going to have definitive evidence within 20 to 30 years,” said NASA chief scientist Ellen Stofan.

Stofan believes the extraterrestrials will be discovered because NASA "knows where to look" and has the technology to find ET lifeforms.

“We know where to look. We know how to look,” she said. “In most cases, we have the technology, and we’re on a path to implementing it. And so I think we’re definitely on the road.”

But what will alien life look like? Will it be humanoid, or something else?

And are they hiding, here, in plain sight?

LSP