Ball Joint Apocalypse

While everyone else was busy "taking the knee" or burning NFL logos, I was taking the rig to the shop. You see, the front suspension was sounding rough and creaky.

Where was the creak coming from? Sure, somewhere at the front but where exactly; hard to tell. I rocked the stationary leviathan back and forth, trying to pinpoint the apocalyptic creak. Like a hot coal falling from a smoking thurible, it seemed to be coming from behind the wheels.

Underneath an F150

So I climbed under the thing and had a look, all the while pushing up on the Beast to provoke the eschatological creak. Was it the shocks, tie rods, sway bar or ball joints? 

Not The Problem But Change Out The Ancient Shocks Anyway

With a sinking feeling that the end of the world was near, I figured it was probably the ball joints. But, hope against hope, I sprayed lithium grease and WD40 over everything, all on the off-chance that a miracle would occur and lube would magically cure the hideous creak.

 Note The Eschatological Bottom Ball Joint

It didn't, no more than words like "millionaire socialist hypocrite" would cure the concussed minds of our nation's baller geniuses. That's because Ford, in its wisdom, doesn't build grease inlets into F150 ball joints. You can spray all the lube you want and it's not going to grease up the interior of the joints, which dry out and die.

Brazen

I know, you'll scorn me for not attempting the job myself but I took the rig to the Shop of The Brazen Pineapple that rests upon the Seven Hills of this rural haven and they quoted me $700, mostly labor.

Genius Patrol

The moral of this end-times tale of country life in Texas is simple. Built-in obsolescence is evil, and learn how to replace your ball joints or pay the price.

Here endeth the lesson.

LSP

Baller Genius

Obviously Clever

You'll note, all three of you that follow this mind blog, that the libs have pulled out their intellectual heavyweights in the moral crusade against President Trump. That's right, "ballers."

The millionaire socialist geniuses in the balling fraternity don't like MAGA. In fact they don't like America at all, even though it pays them millions of dollars. They scorn that.

Smart Squad

But we'll resist the the temptation to profile these hypocritical delta-minus-millionaire-commie-semi-morons.

The Genius of LeBron

Readers, all four of you, gloss over the fact that LeBron James gets paid over $36 million and Colin Kaepernick has a net worth of something like $22 million. 

Maybe they hate their country because it doesn't pay them enough. Or maybe they hate it because they're so smart.

Clever As Clever Does

Smart, like Madonna and her Old Witch, Hillary.

Typical Millionaire Baller Socialists

Here's a thought. Boycott the NFL, and Madonna. As you do, reflect on the old adage, "There's nothing the millionaire socialist likes worse than being hit in the purse."

Ad Astra,

LSP

St. Andrew's Goes Satan Then Says Sorry

Historic St. Andrew's, Holborn, in the City of London hosted a satanic fashion show by Turkish designer Dilara Findikoglu.

Satan's Bride, Note Sigil

There was a Bride of Satan

Some Dude Called Violet Chachki

A bloke in a corset dressed up as a Devil Woman

No Fun Having A Satanic Sigil On Your Nose

A miserable little Devil Girl

Count Chocula

A Vampire

Mysticke

And a Red Witch.

St. Andrew's has apologized.

So that's alright then.

Leaving aside the fashion industry, occultism, devil worship and associated crime are on the rise in the UK as church attendance declines. Make of that what you will.

God bless,

LSP

LGBT Rules?

A well known equality activist sent us this infographic, and here at the Compound we feel it's only right to share it.

All the colors of the rainbow,

LSP

The Feast of St. Matthew The Apostle

Listen up, Heathen.

It's the Feast of St. Matthew the Apostle, so throw your grimoire in the trash, bin chalice, wand and sword, burn that dog-eared Tarot and say your prayers. Here's one, from the 1928 BCP:

O ALMIGHTY God, who by thy blessed Son didst call Matthew from the recipt of custom to be an Apostle and Evangelist; Grant us grace to forsake all covetous desires, and inordinate love of riches, and to follow the same thy Son Jesus Christ, who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Ghost, one God, world without end. Amen.

Saint Matthew, pray for us.

LSP

Witches Don't Like Trump

By now everyone knows that witches and occultists in general are against President Trump. They don't like him and wish that The Old Witch had become president. That's why they keep casting spells on Trump to "bind him."

Like the Oracle of Los Angeles, who told Tucker Carlson that magic "symbolic actions" were equivalent to standing for the Star-Spangled Banner or saluting the flag.

In fairness to the Oracle, both involve symbols and both produce what the esoteric Californian calls "tangible results," but one appeals directly to supernatural force and the other doesn't.

Here's an excerpt from the Binding Spell. See if you can work out who the witches are praying to:

Hear me, oh spirits
Of Water, Earth, Fire, and Air
Heavenly hosts
Demons of the infernal realms
And spirits of the ancestors

After asking the elemental spirits, angels, demons and ancestor spirits to stop the President from doing bad things, the ritual ends with a bit of creative visualization, of Trump "blowing apart into ash." Note rubrics:

(Light the small photo of Trump from the flame of the orange candle stub and hold carefully above the ashtray)
(Speak the following loudly and with increasing passion as the photo burns to ashes)

So mote it be!
So mote it be!
So mote it be!

(Blow out orange candle, visualizing Trump blowing apart into dust or ash*)

Well that's alright then, asking spirits and demons to incinerate the President. Nothing untoward about that at all, just like saluting the flag or singing the Star-Spangled Banner; another regular day in normal America. Except it's not. 

Remember, it's all a magical life coach larf until you wake up.

And a demon's gnawing on your elbow.

LSP

Battle Dog

He fell asleep very peaceably, furry head resting on paws and I wondered, how come you're so tired? Because Blue's been moonlighting as a Hollywood extra Battle Dog.

Just watch the opening scene of Gladiator and there he is, charging through the woods with the cav, ready to take out the savage Tuetons. Sorry, Germania, you've met your match.

I don't know how much the furry aggressor's been paid for his movie parts and he's not telling. 

Vocal chords are, of course, an issue.

SPQR,

LSP

Anglican Church of Canada Spotted Over Yorkshire

Two stargazers were shocked when they spotted ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada) flying high above England's famous Yorkshire Dales.

Jayson Morehead, 21, and Keith Downlow, 23, got more than they bargained for when they went camping in the Dales to "look at the stars." 

"We were looking at the stars," stated Morehead, "When it just popped up on the horizon, blinking red, purple and rainbow [sic]. Then disappeared back where it came from. I was not sure if I saw it but looked at Keith and his face was white.

"It was there one minute, then next it lit up like a bolt of lightening. It was like a flash and whoosh, it was gone. If I'd blinked I would have missed it.

"It was absolutely incredible. The stars were dots in the night sky and the Anglican Church of Canada was the size of a 5p. It was hard to judge how far away it was but it was definitely higher than the hills."

Why the diminutive ACoC was flying above the Yorkshire Dales only to suddenly disappear remains a mystery.

Fred Hiltz declined to comment.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Melania Mondays! STEM Edition

What's Monday without Melania Mondays!? Not much of a Monday at all, enough to make you want to shoot the whole day down. Which is why we're delighted to bring you another episode in the life of America's attractive and glamorous First Lady.

Note Heels

After helping people in hurricane disaster zones, you'd think that Melania would take a well needed rest, after all, she deserves it. But no, she's been uplifting and inspiring children, promoting STEM (science, technology, engineering, math) education at a youth center.

Maternal Melania

"Hi sweethearts," said the maternal First Lady as she entered the room of aspiring technologists, "Welcome Mrs. Trump" said a giant heart in red marker.

Don't Mess With This Woman

Melania presented the lucky children with a White House coloring book, "This is the Oval Office, where the President sits and makes all the decisions. You could make a pink room in the White House," said the Presidential Consort to the children, after enjoying their adorable Legos.

Coat Dress

After playing paper airplanes with the STEM students, the most attractive world leader in the world encouraged the kids, "You're doing very well. This is the way to learn."

Yes, and how much easier to learn with the help of Melania at your side? 

Leader

Thank you, First Lady, for doing your part to make America great again.

MAGA,

LSP

Sorry Fish, You Lose This Round

Smarting from our signature defeat against the fish the other week on the dam spillway, the team decided to have another go. To catch the fish off-guard we went to a different location, Soldier's Bluff. 

There's been times when fishing the Bluff has been simply outstanding, fast action, good fish and pretty much a catch a cast and sometimes more. No kidding, when the Bass are blitzing it's topwater frenzy and devil take the hindmost.

With that in mind we cast off into the depths and at first things didn't look good. A boat kept roaring by, surfer in tow, churning the water, frightening the fish and blasting some kind of pop music. Perhaps it was rap/r 'n b hybrid, I don't know, I'm no expert but I do know this, it was annoying and we weren't catching.

At last, the boat sped off into the vastness of Lake Whitney and we were in with a chance, perhaps. After throwing worms and their plastic imitations into the usual spots and getting nothing, we headed towards the dam.

Still nothing and then, as the sun was going down, a fierce tug at the line. Yes, fish, you're on the radar. After that it was pretty much a Bluegill every five minutes or so and many more escapees, who were happy to run off with our enticing worms and "Crappie Bites."

Regardless, it was fish on and if we'd been in the way of keeping them, dinner on too. As it was, these fierce little predators went back in the water. They lived to fight again another day.

Victory assured, we headed back in the setting sun. Burgers were on the menu and the Cadet wasted no time in dialing up Highland Regiments, piping us into the Compound.

He's inspired by the A&M Corps and ROTC. Shoot in the X Ring, kid.

Tight lines,

LSP

Hypersonic Debt

Now that Dallas has removed its infamous statue of General Lee, we can safely assume that everyone's going to be better off and a brave new world of tolerance, diversity and equal opportunity can begin now that institutional racism is finally erased from our parks. But not so fast, readers.

In your excitement over statues you may not have noticed that we're $20 trillion in debt and climbing at a rate of around $1.1 trillion a year. That's something like $34,880 a second or if you picture it in terms of the speed of sound, which is 1,125 feet per second, our debt is flying at over Mach 30. Eat your heart out, Chuck Yeager.

This means that the US is hurtling towards bankruptcy at hypersonic speed and looking somewhere down the pike at a Grecian-style sovereign debt crisis. So how do you resolve a >104% debt to GDP ratio, with a $19 trillion economy and a $20 trillion debt overhang?

Through tax cuts and economic boosting? Good call but not enough. You solve the problem by devaluing the dollar, by inflation.

Jim Rickards, at Zerohedge, suggests this can be done by the Treasury inflating the price of gold, from around $1,330 an ounce to $5,000 through the use of a Gold Certificate issued to the Fed. It's been done before, in 1934 and 1953, under the Roosevelt and Eisenhower administrations respectively. And sure enough, inflation ensued.

Problem? Solution, except that your dollars will be sadly worthless. Of course there's another option which perhaps goes hand in hand with the first, war.

You can read all about the debt here and here. Or obsess about statues in parks, your call.

Midas Touch,

LSP

More London Jihad, COBRA Meet CREEP

The Islamic terror group ISIS has claimed responsibility for today's bomb attack on London's Underground, which wounded some 29 people on a District Line train.

Fortunately the bucket bomb only caused burns instead of fatalities as it sent a fireball through a crowded passenger carriage during rush hour.

The Underground blast is the fourth terror attack carried out by the religion of never-ending peace in Britain this year. Muslim fanatics killed 5 people on Westminster Bridge in March, 22 people at an Ariana Grande concert in Manchester in May, and 8 people on London Bridge in June.

Law Enforcement hasn't been idle in the face of this threat, reportedly making 379 terrorism related arrests so far this year. However, police have warned that there's "no such thing as a 'typical terrorist'."

Nothing Typical About These Terrorists

British Prime Minister, Theresa May, has raised the country's terror threat level to "critical" and called a special anti-terrorist meeting of COBRA.  And you have to feel sorry for COBRA, how will they be able to protect their country when they can't identify the enemy. 

Nothing Typical About Salman

After all, according to the police, there's nothing "typical" about the terrorists, there isn't a type who commits these these crimes, there's no common motive or ideology, no unifying creed, belief or ethnicity. So who are they? COBRA scratches its head in baffled bewilderment along with their lesser allies in the Met.

Khalid Masood? Not Typical

Here at the Compound we've decided to be proactive and help out our transatlantic allies, which is why we've fired up our predictive crime software, CREEP (Criminal Recognition Enemy Engagement Prediction), and crunched the numbers. The results are as shocking as they're surprising.

Four out of five major terrorist acts in the UK this year were carried out by Muslims. That's right, Muslims, followers of the Prophet Mohammed.

Over to you, COBRA.

LSP