Rural Ministry #2

Look. It's not all country rust-belt dystopia in the rural ministry. After you say Morning Prayer (Mattins), take Blue Bedford Forest for a walk and drink some coffee, it's only a short drive to the fields.

Sometimes it's misty, which I like, it reminds me of England. 

Then, when you've taken the Sacrament to the sick, you can drive back to HQ, pick up Blue Eschaton and go off and shoot. He's adjusting to gunfire, fortunately for him.

Then, after Evening Prayer (Vespers), you can clean guns and have a glass of the right stuff.

So I'm not complaining. 

I love the country.

LSP

Rural Ministry #1

For some clergypersons, rural ministry is all about Morris dancers, medieval churches and these picture-postcard villages. 

You get cottages.

And big old houses.

But make sure you have a sturdy vehicle, the roads can be a bit primitive.

Also, where I live, you find abandoned hair extensions in the gutter. Well, it beats needles, I guess.

Blue Apocalypse killed a neighbor's chicken yesterday. I'm not sure what to make of that, but the neighbors, Maria and Pedro, don't care. It was one of many and they ate it.

I'm also thinking that open carry might not be a bad idea for when you take the dog for a walk.

Cheers,

LSP

Washington National Cathedral Goes Jihad

Everyone knows that Washington's National Cathedral is only slightly less nutty than New York's St. John the Divine, so I guess we shouldn't be surprised that they went Jihad for a day and turned the church into a mosque.

Gene Robinson and Some Guy

Why not? Back in 2007 St. John the Divine hosted a birthday party for Gene Robinson look-a-like, Elton John. So maybe Dean Hall and his crew of apostate dhimmis masquerading as Christians were being conservative. After all the Mohammedans were praying.

Susan Russell

Thanks to Breitbart, we also know that the famous lesbian, Susan Russell, thought that turning the formerly Christian cathedral into a mosque was based on "traditional American values."

“And so I give thanks, (that) in our National Cathedral we were blessed by the witness of faith leaders standing, speaking and praying from the firm foundation of those traditional American Values,” wrote Russell, from, go figure, California.

Interfaith

Traditional American Values? Like Sharia, Jihad and beheading the infidel? Or killing all the Jews? What about the lesbian priestesses, like Russell? How much traditional American tolerance would they get in the Ummah? Or maybe you think that a proxy Muslim Brotherhood event is really all about peace and love, like a desert version of Woodstock.

Mosque

Dean Hall clownishly claims that he wasn't aware of the Jihad aspect of the mosque-day he held at the Cathedral, and goofily tried to get himself off the hook by pretending that there's moral equivalence between Christians and Muslims when it comes to violence.

Turn this Mosque Back into a Church

Maybe that's why marauding gangs of Methodists are running around beheading people in Syria and Iraq, and Jesus and the Apostles were all pedophile warlords, like Mohammed.

Let's Have That Back

But look here, Muslims. In a spirit of compromise and reconciliation, Team LSP is prepared to give you the National Cathedral and the College of Preachers, if you give us back Hagia Sophia.

Deal?

LSP

Don't Go To Synod, Hear Lord Sacks

You could put on a pair of Dobby's Chinos and go to the Church of England's General Synod to learn about gender experimentation, women bishops and gayness. Or you could go to the Humanum Colloquium in Rome to learn about the complementary nature of man and woman. I'd rather clean my guns than go to the former. The latter? Different story.

Here's a few short excerpts from Lord Sacks' outstanding address to the Colloquium:

"For a whole variety of reasons, some to do with medical developments like birth control, in vitro fertilisation and other genetic interventions, some to do with moral change like the idea that we are free to do whatever we like so long as it does not harm others, some to do with a transfer of responsibilities from the individual to the state, and other and more profound changes in the culture of the West, almost everything that marriage once brought together has now been split apart. Sex has been divorced from love, love from commitment, marriage from having children, and having children from responsibility for their care."

After listing some unfortunate statistics, Sacks continues, in defense of the family:

"But our compassion for those who choose to live differently should not inhibit us from being advocates for the single most humanising institution in history. The family, man, woman, and child, is not one lifestyle choice among many. It is the best means we have yet discovered for nurturing future generations and enabling children to grow in a matrix of stability and love. It is where we learn the delicate choreography of relationship and how to handle the inevitable conflicts within any human group. It is where we first take the risk of giving and receiving love. It is where one generation passes on its values to the next, ensuring the continuity of a civilization. For any society, the family is the crucible of its future, and for the sake of our children’s future, we must be its defenders."

The U.K.'s former Chief Rabbi ends with an exegesis of Genesis (3:19). Here's his conclusion (note, the Hebrew words for skin and light are virtually the same):

"At that moment, as they were about to leave Eden and face the world as we know it, a place of darkness, Adam gave his wife the first gift of love, a personal name. And at that moment, God responded to them both in love, and made them garments to clothe their nakedness, or as Rabbi Meir put it, “garments of light.”

"And so it has been ever since, that when a man and woman turn to one another in a bond of faithfulness, God robes them in garments of light, and we come as close as we will ever get to God himself, bringing new life into being, turning the prose of biology into the poetry of the human spirit, redeeming the darkness of the world by the radiance of love."

If you're wise, you'll waste no time and read the whole thing.

God bless,

LSP

Anglican Instruments of Communion hover over Manchester?

The famous "Anglican Instruments of Communion" may have been caught on camera, hovering mysteriously over Manchester.

The Instruments of Communion have been missing since the 2003 consecration of the most famous gay bishop the world has ever seen, Elton John look-a-like, Gene Robinson. However, a 35 year old photographer zoomed in on the Instruments after feeling a "magnetic pull."

Gene Robinson

"I just got up from the sofa and I felt this pull to take a picture out the window there and then. Something drew me to the window," stated Mr. Hinton, "It was like a magnetic pull - a lunar pull."

While some dismiss the strange sighting as a Chinook helicopter, the photographer disagrees, "I am a rational man. I have never felt that feeling before. With the feeling I had and what it looks like, I don't think it was a Chinook helicopter."

Dobby's Chinos

Hinton went on to describe what experts believe to be the Anglican Communion's missing Instruments of Unity, "I mean the photo shows the lights shining through the clouds. I really don't think it is a reflection - look at the saucer shaped object and the lights and the two lines coming out of the bottom. Just like the Instruments of Communion."

Instruments of Communion

According to witnesses, the hovering Instruments of Communion remained in the sky for half an hour before disappearing.

No sooner seen than gone, have the Anglican Instruments of Communion left Manchester  for earth orbit and ultimately deep space?

Or do they exist in another dimension altogether? 

LSP

General Synod Meets, I Shoot

In a bold move to escape the toxic gas emanating out of the Church of England's General Synod, I went for a shoot. 

Dobby

Unlike the Archbishop of Canterbury's knuanced address to Synod on the state of the Anglican non-communion, which is somehow a Communion even though it is not a Communion, shooting is pretty straightforward.

Good Dog

Line up the sights, breath, squeeze, don't pull, the trigger. The gun fires, the target goes down and Blue Psychonaut barks like a woman Archdeacon that's been told, "No, you can't be a bishop."

Bad Dogs

In other news, a strange glowing object has been seen hovering above Manchester, which may or may not be the notoriously missing Anglican "Instruments of Communion." 

The instruments of Communion?

More on that later; in the meanwhile, don't go to Synod, shoot something instead.

God bless,

LSP

It Snowed. Hotwire.

I woke up as usual to the sound of howling dogs and a crazed peacock; there was snow on the ground. "It's colder now," I thought bitterly, over the din of roosters, "because it's warmer." The animals didn't seem to mind, they obviously don't get "science." So I took Blue Frostbite for a walk in the Climate Disruption.

Then we headed off to Slap Out to see some church people. They were fixing up a hotwire and weren't sure if it was working. In the absence of a voltmeter I gave it the human test. It worked just fine.

Blue Tundra & Friends

Blue Windchill got on well with the other dogs, which was good to see. A little nervous of the horses at first, but he soon calmed down when he understood they weren't about to eat him.

Knuance

There was a new Arabian mare in the pasture, called Knuance, interestingly. Hopefully she's broke to ride but there wasn't time to find out today. Maybe next visit.

Simon & Pistol

You'll notice that Global Warming has been knuanced into Climate Disruption. This is a New World Order scientific theory which says that the hotter it gets the colder it'll be, which is why the Government and its billionaire friends have to take more of your money. The Episcopal Church endorses this commonsensical theory, obviously.

Don't believe them. They're lying.

LSP

Parable of the No Talents

As common sense went off to a far country, he entrusted a small crew of NWO progleft shills with no talents.

The Illuminati dupes went on to write "books" with their no-talents.

All of the no-talent servants of the transnational elite  sold the mystical number of $37,000 worth of "books" in the first week of their publication. 

Commonsense has not yet returned from the far country. When he does there will be a reckoning.

Rumors that Lena Dunham is a Clay Golem are true.

LSP

Obama v. Putin at G20

As ZeroHedge notes, it looks like the cute Koala is trying to get away. And who can blame it?

Animals love Putin.

LSP

Diocesan Convention, Gun Show, Yorkshire Pudding

I drove to Fort Worth today for our Diocesan Convention. It was good to meet up with like-minded clergy and people and I tell you, that's at a premium these days. But this is the Diocese of Fort Worth, so what d'you expect, a gang of gender advocacy clowns? A crew of labyrinth walking priestesses? 

No, none of that. There was a gun show next to the Convention and I went to that too. Uplifting to see all the guns, I always think. One old fellow said, "Father, you're a brave man coming here." I liked him for that and replied, "I love shooting," and that's the truth.

But when I'm not going to Conventions or gun shows, I tend to be searching for the perfect Yorkshire Pudding. I've tried a few recipes with varying degrees of success. Here's one that works for me.

Blend/whisk 4 eggs with 1 1/4 cups of flour and 1 1/2 cups of whole milk and 1/2 teaspoon of salt. Set aside and refrigerate for at least half an hour. Don't cut corners like a lazy soldier.

Preheat oven to 425. Put 1 teaspoon of oil/drippings into each indentation of a muffin tin. Put the tin in the oven until it's smoking hot, like the barrel of your carbine after a good blast at the opposition.

Take the batter out of the fridge. Give it a quick whisk, then use something to ladle it into the muffin tin so that each indentation is appx 3/4 full. It will sizzle. This is good, don't hang around pondering it like some kind of dumbass Buddhist, get the tin filled and back in the oven. Attention to detail.

Let the Yorkshire goodness cook for around 20 minutes at 425 until risen and golden. Do not open the oven like an idiot recruit. The puddings will sink and die. Like the Episcopal Church, or Wendy Davis' useless campaign to take over Texas.

There's other recipes, like the "Three Way Split," in which eggs, flour and milk all go together, 1 cup per ingredient. And many more, which I will try. In the meanwhile, the above works for me.

Some say Yorkshire is God's own County. That would make Texas God's own Country.

LSP

I Love Texas

I love Texas.

Loooozer

It doesn't hold with abortioncrat Wendy.

It didn't turn blue.

It did say yes to open carry, almost.

Maybe Keystone will pass through and make us even more powerful.

Obama? Who is he, anyway,

LSP

Dog & Gun

Have you noticed that lib logic always produces the exact opposite of its intended result? Global Warming's a good case in point: It's hotter now, we're told by our billionaire green overlords, which is why it's colder, and in order to make everyone richer we have to be taxed more. With that in mind, I braved the freezing wind chill and took Blue Mephistopheles to the range. I wanted to achieve two things. To see how Blue Zeke would cope with gunfire and to improve my shooting with the Ruger American .17HMR.

It took a couple of shots to warm up and Blue Rustler found these exciting and fascinating. "I want to chase after the bullets," he thought, cleverly.

Blue Heraclitus was mistaken in thinking this and had to be tied to a steel target frame. This helped the shoot and I was pleased to see the tiny .17 HMR zingers moving at 2550 fps onto the bull. With a steady hand and a slightly higher power scope than I have (perhaps), there's no reason why you can't get groups in pretty much the same hole.

As it is, I was pleased with the shooting and untied Blue BarkaLot for a quick scamper up to the butts. He calmed down after that and enjoyed sniffing about the range when he wasn't watching me shoot swinging steel plates and various bits of debris.

A good morning for dog & gun. And remember, when they tell you things like "a video made them do it," or "it's colder because it's hotter," or "Islam is a religion of peace," or "we have to take your money so you'll be richer," and "we're going to disarm you so you'll be safer," don't believe them.They're lying.

Shoot straight,

LSP