Has General Synod Been Found?

Strange radio waves have been detected by astronomers, emanating from far beyond our Galaxy. Could they come from the Church of England's General Synod?

The mysterious energy pulses are called fast radio bursts and last for fractions of a second. First spotted by a team of stargazers at Parkes Observatory in Australia, in 2007, it's estimated that the radio waves traveled at least 3 billion light years before they reached earth.

Experts are divided. A minority believe that the "fast bursts" may be coming from inside the earth's atmosphere. Others believe that they come from very dense objects, like black holes, imploding stars, or even enormous flares. But some pundits  think otherwise.

"It's obviously the General Synod," said one astronomer, "It's far enough away and we don't know what it means."

No one knows what effect, if any, the fast burst radio waves are having on earth.

LSP

Anglican Instruments of Communion hover over Manchester?

The famous "Anglican Instruments of Communion" may have been caught on camera, hovering mysteriously over Manchester.

The Instruments of Communion have been missing since the 2003 consecration of the most famous gay bishop the world has ever seen, Elton John look-a-like, Gene Robinson. However, a 35 year old photographer zoomed in on the Instruments after feeling a "magnetic pull."

Gene Robinson

"I just got up from the sofa and I felt this pull to take a picture out the window there and then. Something drew me to the window," stated Mr. Hinton, "It was like a magnetic pull - a lunar pull."

While some dismiss the strange sighting as a Chinook helicopter, the photographer disagrees, "I am a rational man. I have never felt that feeling before. With the feeling I had and what it looks like, I don't think it was a Chinook helicopter."

Dobby's Chinos

Hinton went on to describe what experts believe to be the Anglican Communion's missing Instruments of Unity, "I mean the photo shows the lights shining through the clouds. I really don't think it is a reflection - look at the saucer shaped object and the lights and the two lines coming out of the bottom. Just like the Instruments of Communion."

Instruments of Communion

According to witnesses, the hovering Instruments of Communion remained in the sky for half an hour before disappearing.

No sooner seen than gone, have the Anglican Instruments of Communion left Manchester  for earth orbit and ultimately deep space?

Or do they exist in another dimension altogether? 

LSP

General Synod Meets, I Shoot

In a bold move to escape the toxic gas emanating out of the Church of England's General Synod, I went for a shoot. 

Dobby

Unlike the Archbishop of Canterbury's knuanced address to Synod on the state of the Anglican non-communion, which is somehow a Communion even though it is not a Communion, shooting is pretty straightforward.

Good Dog

Line up the sights, breath, squeeze, don't pull, the trigger. The gun fires, the target goes down and Blue Psychonaut barks like a woman Archdeacon that's been told, "No, you can't be a bishop."

Bad Dogs

In other news, a strange glowing object has been seen hovering above Manchester, which may or may not be the notoriously missing Anglican "Instruments of Communion." 

The instruments of Communion?

More on that later; in the meanwhile, don't go to Synod, shoot something instead.

God bless,

LSP