Is Justin Welby The Mekon?

Startling photo-analysis reveals that the top decisionmaker in the Anglican Communion, Archbishop Justin Welby, is the Mekon. 

The Mekon

"The Archbishop of Canterbury's large, hairless, oval domehead, narrow chin and slit mouth are sure giveaways," stated one Xenologist, "And he sits on a throne, like the Mekon. He can never lose."

Justin Welby

The Mekon was created by scientific experimentation, and engineered for a very high intelligence. As such he has a swollen head containing his massive brain and atrophied body. His goal is the domination of the Anglican Communion by the Episcopal Church.

Artist's Impression of an Anglican Primate

The Archbishop of Canterbury has announced plans for a Primates Meeting in 2017. Will the primates obey their off-world ruler?

Lambeth Palace declined to comment,

LSP

Anglican Communion Snatched by Evil Owl?

Startling game cam footage has revealed the Anglican Communion being snatched by an evil owl, proving that there are "consequences" for what's euphemistically referred to as "riding the rainbow."

Where the owl will take the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion (WANC) is uncertain. According to the game cam's owner, the photos provided "clarity." 

Riding The Rainbow

"Some people thought there weren't any, you know, consequences when it came to riding the rainbow," he said, "Others reckoned there were when it looked like there weren't. It was really confusing, then the owl came and took the whole Communion away. It gave some clarity to the narrativity crisis."

Owls

When questioned about the destination of the owl and its captured Communion, the hunter stated, "I don't know where it's going, no one does. Maybe not even the owl, it could be flying around for kicks, fixing to drop that Communion when it gets tired playing. They do that."

An Owl Attacks

Where the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion will land is uncertain, that it's been snatched up in the talons of an evil owl appears irrefutable.

Stay tuned as the story develops.

LSP

Lies, Fraud, Illegitimacy And Skullduggery

It's been a tumultuous couple of weeks for the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion (WANC). Kevin and George get into the detail on Anglicans Unscripted, giving us the run down on: The Kenyan Forgery, the Episcopal Church's ongoing attempts to subvert African provinces and bishops, the 815 Terminations and, last but not least, Justin Welby's, ahem, hazy family background.

If you get confused watching the first part of the video, which goes into the skullduggery, deceit and power plays evidenced at the Anglican Consultative Council in Lusaka, don't be surprised, it is confusing. Just bear in mind that the Episcopal Church is trying to get the Anglican Communion to go along with its gayness, and doing a pretty good job of it so far -- sanctions and discipline against them have gone nowhere.

However, the Provinces and Archbishops of the Global South and the GAFCON movement have a limited amount of patience with TEC's persistent flouting of the mind of the overwhelming majority of the Communion. And for that matter, Christianity in general. 

Laughing All The Way To The Bank

I fail to see how this will end in anything less than formal schism, no matter how much money and influence rich, white, rainbow libs in America, Canada and England funnel into the hands of mountebanks like Desmond Tutu, and other corruptibles.

Cheers,

LSP

The Gates of Hell Shall not Prevail. God Bless Bishop Iker.

Bishop Iker in LSPland

You've heard the old saying, "They should round up all the bishops and put them in a cage." There's an exception to that rule in Jack Iker, Bishop of Fort Worth. 

Iker doesn't celebrate Neronian gay marriages and he doesn't ordain women, he doesn't even hold goof-off liturgical dances in his cathedral. But what he does do is drive out to LSPland to confirm a very sick man in his home, out by Slap Out, aka Hubbard.

We RV'd at the Compound and drove out to the countryside and the sacrament of Confirmation, in which the Holy Spirit is bestowed by the laying on of hands and anointing. Now, I've never been present at a "house confirmation," much less asked a bishop to do one and I'll tell you this, it was a powerful and blessed event. I don't say that lightly.

Cage These Goons. And Stacy Sauls? You're fired.

Bishop Iker is known for his unwavering stand for catholic orthodoxy, in the Anglican tradition, in the face of the litigious rage the Episcopal Church. He was the first traditionalist bishop to say enough is enough and leave the Episcopal Church with his diocese. He did so on the floor of the 2006 General Convention in Columbus; I know, I was there. Three years later the Episcopal Church rounded on Iker and his diocese, suing him personally and the diocese, in an attempt to gain its money, property and presumably wreck the life of its bishop.

A Couple of Goof-Off Clowns

That lawsuit is ongoing at huge expense and the Episcopal Church is losing, having suffered a series of defeats in the courts. 

The result has yet to be called, but Bishop Iker remains a pastoral and good man in the Apostolic succession. And what can I say? 

The gates of hell shall not prevail, do not compromise with them.

God bless,

LSP

Nero, The Rainbow Emperor

Christians who support gay marriage might like to consider the marriage equality activism of their forbear Nero.

Nero married three men, Sporus, Doryphorus and Pythagoras. As described by Seutonius and Tacitus:

"[Nero] had a boy named Sporus castrated and tried to transform him into an actual woman; he married him in a regular wedding ceremony, with a dowry and a bridal veil, took him home in front of a great crowd, and treated him as his wife. A witty remark that someone made about this is still circulating: that human kind would have been well off, if his father Domitius had had the same kind of wife” (Suetonius, Nero 28-29).

Here's Doryphorus:

“…he invented a new kind of game (so to speak) in which, dressed in the skin of a wild animal, he was released from a cage and attacked the private parts of men and women who were bound to stakes and, when he had had enough of this savagery, he was finished off (as it were) by his freedman Doryphorus. This Doryphorus he took as his husband, just as Sporus had with him, and in doing so he imitated the cries and wailing of a virgin who is being raped” (Suetonius, Nero 28-29).

And Tacitus gives us Pythagoras:

“A veil was placed over the emperor, the interpreters of the auspices were sent; a dowry, a wedding bed and marriage torches -- in the end, everything that is concealed by night even in the case of a woman was on display” (Tacitus, Ann. 15.37).

A Couple of Rainbow Clowns

The Emperor Nero wasn't just famous for marrying men, he also has a place in history for persecuting the church. According to Tacitus:

"And perishing they were additionally made into sports: they were killed by dogs by having the hides of beasts attached to them, or they were nailed to crosses or set aflame, and, when the daylight passed away, they were used as nighttime lamps. Nero gave his own gardens for this spectacle and performed a Circus game, in the habit of a charioteer mixing with the plebs or driving about the race-course." 

Christians might want to think twice before following the example of the Rainbow Emperor, Nero.

LSP

Marcus Borg is Dead

The world-renowned scholar, author, professor and theologian, Marcus Borg, is dead. He died last year; he is still dead, although his great thoughts live on.

Borg was a Christian who didn't believe that Jesus was God and rose from the dead, or perform any miracles. He didn't believe in the Bible either, for him it was just a myth, but he did believe in his new religion, Panentheism, which says that everything is God.

Panentheism

Penentheism is like pantheism, except that it has an "en" in the middle of it. It is not like Christianity, which is why Borg was made a Canon Theologian in the Episcopal Church and served at Trinity Cathedral, in Portland, Oregon.

The Jesus Seminar

Borg became a superstar for debunking Jesus' divinity on Robert Funk's celebrity Jesus Seminar, in which genius scholars played with colored beads and decided the Gospels weren't true. Once they'd said that a few times the Jesus Seminar wasn't famous anymore. 

Kahn and Funk

Robert Funk should not be confused with the former IMF NWO Illuminati financier, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, even though both of them were against Jesus.

A Typical Head on Mars

Like the Jesus Seminar, and possibly Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Marcus Borg is not famous anymore. But that might change, his head has been found on Mars.

Your Friend,

LSP

Worldwide Anglican Non-Communion Update!!

There you are, scanning the perimeter at first light, ears wide open for the slightest noise, which is an utter waste of time because of the sheer din of hundreds of birds roosting in the trees. ISIS could launch an assault on the Compound and you wouldn't hear it coming. Thanks a lot, birds. Then there's there's the dogs, the roosters and the peacocks. Get some peace and quiet in the countryside, that's what they said. Right.

Mountebank

Speaking of peace and quiet, some of you may remember the Worldwide Anglican Non-Communion (WANC) and its recent Primates Meeting, sorry "gathering," in Canterbury. That disciplined the egregiously heterodox Episcopal Church (TEC) for a period of three years, declaring that the rich but shrinking denomination wouldn't be allowed to represent WANC or vote in its councils.

Gay "We're Going to Lusaka" Jennings

I say disciplined, but the sanction was really more of an unspecified threat. Don't represent or vote and if you do we'll do... something. Unsurprisingly, TEC, which is richer than a trainload of Nazi gold but smaller, has decided to ignore the warning shot and carry on as usual by announcing its intention to take its seat on the Anglican Consultative Council (ACC), and vote accordingly.

Tengatenga...

We know this because the improbably named Bishop Tengatenga, who mysteriously changed his mind about gay marriage and chairs the ACC, has told us. “Are they going to vote? Yes, they are going to vote as it is their right and responsibility,” announced Tengatenga to the Seminary of the South at Sewanee. And the consequences? According to Tengatenga, nothing at all,  “(The) bottom line is that the Episcopal Church cannot be kicked out of the Anglican Communion and will never be kicked out of the Anglican Communion.”

Eliud Wabukala

That's what Tengatenga thinks along with, presumably, the Episcopal Church's leadership. Expect them to turn up at the ACC's meeting in Lusaka next month, business as usual. We should also expect the conservative majority of Anglican primates to add teeth to their agreed sanctions. That's indicated in Archbishop Eliud Wabukala's pastoral letter, which you can read here.

Justsin Welby

Who knows, perhaps TEC will put the train in reverse and simply act as an observer at the same ACC it's bought and paid for, but don't bet on it. A safer bet by far is that WANC will become even more of a non-communion than it already is.

Good luck, Justsin.

LSP

Monster Gas Cloud Heads Towards Earth

A massive cloud of hot gas is heading towards earth and an inevitable collision with our galaxy. Known as Episcopal Bishops Respond to Primates (EBRP) or the "Curry Cloud" for short, the huge gas cloud is thought to have originated close to home.

Curry

“Our galaxy is recycling its gas through clouds, the Curry Cloud being one example, and will form stars in different places than before,” said a spokesperson for the Space Telescope Science Institute in Baltimore, Maryland.

Budde

While astronomers are still attempting to explain why the cloud moved away from our galaxy in the first place, evidence from the Hubble telescope indicates that it has a high sulfur content. Some even theorize that the immense cloud of gas was caused by "dark matter."

Brookhart

According to an an astronomer with the National Radio Astronomy Observatory, “There are theoretical calculations suggesting that a dark matter satellite could capture gas as it passes through the Milky Way disk and that may be the amazing circumstance we are witnessing.”

Bruno

The Curry Cloud has been poetically described by stargazing boffins as "what goes up must come down."

Whalon

Mysterious radio signals emanating from the hurtling cloud of superheated gas are currently under investigation, but Ufologists may be in for a disappointment. "It's just gas," said one expert, "really, really hot gas."

Reeves

The Anglican Consultative Council (ACC) was unavailable for comment.

LSP

What Will Happen to The Communion Partners?

Do you remember the Communion Partners? Sure you don't, unless you happen to be a keen-eyed observer of the Anglican scene in North America. So here's a refresher. The Communion Partners are trads who stayed in the Episcopal Church (TEC) as a kind of righteous remnant, witnessing against the pink revolution that took over their church.

A Communion Partner With The Covenant

They hoped, perhaps they still do, that when TEC gets disciplined by the Communion for going gay, they, the Communion Partners, will be recognized as the true voice of Anglicanism in North America. And all without the pain and grief of getting sued by your rainbow rulers for leaving the church. Don't want to incur the stainless steel fury of your liberal overlords, eh?

An Alien in The Corn

But what's happened? It looks like the conservatives who left TEC, the Anglican Church in North America (ACNA), are the ones who're being seen as authentic Anglicans in the US. After all, their leader, Archbishop Foley Beach, was given a voice and vote at the primatial gathering in Canterbury, and his church wasn't sanctioned, but TEC was. So it's starting to look like ACNA is seen as the true Anglican franchise in America, even if it's not formally counted as such.

I'll leave you with a question. What would happen to the Communion Partners if, three years from now, TEC has refused to repent and is kicked out of the Communion, and ACNA isn't? Perhaps a picture speaks louder than words.

Good luck, Communion Partners.

LSP

You're Fired!

Well, almost. High flying Episcopal Church lib bishop, Stacy Sauls, has been placed on "administrative leave" by Presiding Bishop Michael Curry because of "possible misconduct." Curry wrote the following:

I need to inform you that on Wednesday I placed on administrative leave Bishop Stacy Sauls, Chief Operating Officer, Samuel McDonald, Deputy Chief Operating Officer and Director of Mission, and Alex Baumgarten, Director of Public Engagement. This is a result of concerns that have been raised about possible misconduct in carrying out their duties as members of senior management of the Domestic and Foreign Missionary Society.

Sauls is notorious for bullying and not believing in the Bible, Hell, or Satan.

Sure about that last bit, Stacy? 

Good riddance.

LSP 

Fighting Talk

If the Takfiri terrorists get past the pump and the pistol they'll have to reckon with the rods, an umbrella, an out of tune piano, and a Blue Heeler. Good luck, Daesh.

But the front against terror comes in many forms, and one of the reasons I'm here in this bucolic farming community is to face off against lib mutineers, who tried to take over the Mission in 2009 and hand it over to the pink empire of gayness, TEC (The Episcopal Church).

"Set up in the compound, LSP," said the bishop, "and stop those terrorists from taking over the church."

So that's what I did.

Your Pal,

LSP

Episcopal Church Bishop Heather Cook Goes To Jail

The former Episcopalian Assistant Bishop of Maryland, Heather Cook, has been sentenced to 7 years in jail by a Baltimore Court today, for killing a cyclist shortly after Christmas this year.

Cook had nearly three times the legal level of alcohol in her bloodstream when she drove into Michael Palermo, killing the 41 year old cyclist and father of two. 

The bishop, who had been texting at the time of the crash, drove away from the scene of the crime, but later returned after being followed by a suspicious cyclist. She was subsequently forced to resign from her position and released from prison on $2.5 million bail.

Cover Up

The ex-bishop pleaded guilty to automobile manslaughter last month and has a history of alcohol and narcotics use, which came to light in 2010 when she was arrested for DUI, possession of marijauna and drug paraphernalia. This was allegedly known by top church authorities but not disclosed to the Diocese of Baltimore.

Prosecutors had wanted a 10 year sentence for Cook, but her attorney argued for less, claiming that the once senior clergyperson had lived a mostly "model life."

You can read all about the case of the drunken Cook in the Baltimore Sun. And we have to ask, if the Episcopal Church's leader, Katharine Jefferts Schori, knew about Cook's history of driving while drunk and stoned, why was nothing said to the people responsible for electing her as a bishop?

Surely Michael Palermo's family deserve an answer.

LSP

Return of the Kentucky Goblin

A strange creature has been terrifying rural Kentucky. Described as humanoid in shape, the small creature has a bulbous white head and staring eyes. Frightened locals call it the "Kentucky Goblin."

While Goblin sightings have been reported in Kentucky since the 1950s, recent appearances indicate that the mysterious being is something more than a myth, and possibly a threat to children. 

According to one resident who has been terrorized by the Goblins:

These beings appear to be the size and stature of a small child, devoid of any facial features save for large, oily eyes and lipless mouths. They frighten my children by peering through their bedroom windows, chirping at one another. They actively attempt to enter my home in the middle of the night. Last month they took my dog.

Artist's Reconstruction of the Goblin Terrorizing a Farm

It is believed that the Kentucky Goblin lives in an abandoned mine, and the only way to get rid of the creature is to destroy the underground structure.

I believe they are coming from an abandoned mine located on the edge of my property. Though I’m armed, I’m afraid that I’m far too frightened to enter the mine by my lonesome, and cannot convince any sympathetic friends to accompany me, though I cannot blame them. I am convinced that the only answer is to collapse the mine.

The Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Kentucky, Terry White, is an enthusiastic supporter of gay marriage rituals. 

According to church statistics, the Diocese of Kentucky's Sunday worshiping attendance fell by a whopping 19.2% between 2003 and 2013.

Police have stated that the Goblin is an animal.

LSP