Ebola Horoscope

I'm a Christian and a Padre, or Priest, so it stands to reason that I'm against witchcraft, sorcery, and horoscopes. But sometimes they're weirdly accurate, like this one, divined by the Manhattan Infidel. Here's an excerpt:

Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 21)

Don’t let others talk you into doing something that will tie you down for weeks at a time! Quarantine? Pshaw! Not necessary. You have your own interests like bicycling with your boyfriend. If others get sick you can’t be blamed. You’re a good person remember. And Ebola is not contagious for white people. Look up the science, bitches.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 20)

A major change of direction is not needed, despite what some people may be telling you. There is no need for you to inconvenience your lifestyle with a quarantine. Sure you vomited on a flight from Liberia to the United States but it was probably just bad airplane food. Besides since when have quarantines ever been effective? Never! All quarantines do is unjustly stigmatize those in quarantined areas. If Republicans weren’t so anti-science they’d understand this.

Aquarius (Jan 21 – Feb 19)

You have been pushing yourself too hard and need to slow down. That fever you’re running is pretty high. And your explosive diarrhea probably left you dehydrated. But don’t worry. It’s not Ebola. It’s probably just a common cold. And America thanks you for your dedicated service in Ebola-ravaged areas of Africa. When you feel better we’ll have a toast to your selflessness. If you can get out of your place try going to heavily populated areas like shopping malls and vomit in public. People have to learn not to be afraid.

You can read the whole thing here.

Arduus Ad Solem,

LSP

Squirrelly

Keen-eyed readers of this so-called blog will know that my pal's "squirrel rig" is a Ruger 10/22 with a fixed power 4x40 scope. My squirrel rig isn't so fancy, just an old JC Higgins bolt action .22, with open sights. It was old when I got it 5 years ago at the Gold Nugget Pawn & Gun and I'd like an upgrade. Probably another bolt action, a Ruger American? And a 10/22, for semi-auto fun? And a lever, too, just because they're neat. Anyway.

Out in the Field

Monday morning seemed like as good a time as any to test the rigs against the squirrels, so we set up in some woods and waited.

Woods

I like listening to the sound of the woods after getting into position and being still, senses tuned. Before long the trees come alive with birds and, hopefully, squirrels. After about 20 minutes we starting calling, or at least my buddy did; I'm not sure if my strangled sounding chirps qualified. 

Creek

The effort didn't go completely unrewarded. Outlying Squirrel Force scouts made an appearance, 4 of them, but they were fast and we didn't get a shot. Still, location confirmed, and we moved on, deeper into the woods till we got to a mighty oak (not the tree in the picture, obv.) that leaned over a creek.

It was good to be there, in silence, knowing that that tree had been there well before the land and Ralph's Creek was even mapped. I kept an eye out for the arboreal adversary and Indian artifacts, but didn't see either. Vultures swooped down on the tops of the trees, just visible through the canopy.

High Flyers

We made our way back to my truck, via a V of migrating Cranes, and I shot my friend's "rig" off the back of my rig. Proper little blaster. I like the Ruger 10/22; just a lot of fun to shoot.

Message to market? Get out in the woods and hunt more.

LSP

Nicki Minaj, New World Order Nazi Witch?

Pop diva superstar, Nicki Minaj, claims she isn't a New World Order Nazi witch, but evidence points in another direction.

NWO

Minaj's recent controversial video, Only, is clearly inspired by National Socialism and Adolf Hitler's Nuremburg rallies. But instead of the German dictator, viewers are presented with what appears to be a cartoon version of the famous singer, indicating that she sees herself as a natural replacement for the Fuhrer.

Roman

Like Hitler, who was a Thule Society occultist, pop icon Minaj also claims to be influenced by paranormal forces, such as her alter-ego, Roman Zolanski. "Roman" and other "alter-egos," appear to act as spirit guides for the chart-topping singer. This has lead some paranormal experts to question the source of Minaj's stellar rise to fame.

Roman & Barbie

"She was just this run-of-the-mill, no-talent ghetto rap act from Queens," stated one supernaturalist, "then she became an NWO, Illuminati witch and made a deal with a couple of demons, like Roman Zolanski. The rest is history."

Possessed.

Is Minaj a New World Order Nazi witch? Or is she the sad victim of demonic possession?

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

William Hague, the Talking Tory Egg

Everyone knows that Great Britain was once great, ruled a lot of the world and had an enormous Navy, a Queen Empress and statesmen, like Gladstone, or Churchill. Now it has William Hague, the remarkable Talking Tory Egg.

Look! A Talking Egg!

William Hague can talk and move about, even though he is an egg.

Boss Egg

He is also the Conservative leader of the House of Commons and the first egg to hold that position.

Margarine Demon

William Hague once tried to be a Prime Minister, but England wasn't ready to elect a talking egg as its leader. The U.K. chose Tony instead, who is possessed by a Margarine Demon.

Leave the Girl Alone.

The Hague egg has promised to help Jihad savages returning from Syria if "they have good intentions."

No doubt about it, eggs are pretty smart.

LSP

Veterans Day, 2014

I spent Veteran's Day in Dallas, of all places. It was freezing, which put me in mind of the Russian Front. Speaking of which, here's an interesting Hitler video (via LL), in which the mad dictator, shaking with Parkinson's, consigns failed Democrats to Texas.

My dog, Blue Apocalypse, is gnawing on a rawhide bone.

Respect the Vets,

LSP

Cooking With Kershaw

My pal's "squirrel rig" consists of a Ruger 10/22, an inexpensive fixed power 4x40 scope and a sling. He dialed it in yesterday evening while I plinked about with a Marlin bolt action .22; good fun, though I wasn't very impressed by my marksmanship with the Marlin 981T. 

Stir the Veg

After that we fell back to the compound for a simple meal of bread and cheese, chicken pot pie and Yorkshire pudding. My $10 (thanks Walmart) Kershaw folder did fierce work on an onion and some carrots.

Open the Wine

Came in handy too when it was time to open up a bottle of Duck Commander, which is a novelty wine you can buy at Walmart. It tasted alright.

Chuck it in the oven

Didn't hurt the pastry either.

Well done, Kershaw, for helping out with the meal! And let's see how the "squirrel rig" performs in action. I predict success.

Cheers,

LSP

Canon Rosie Harper Caught on Camera?

Eerie footage of what appears to be a female Babylonian demon may in fact be a senior clergyperson in the Church of England, Canon Rosie Harper.

Lamashtu?

Photos reveal a malignant creature terrorizing a female patient in hospital, leading some experts to speculate that the Babylonian woman demon, Lamashtu, had finally been caught on film. According to one commentator, “This picture was taken of a nurse’s viewing monitor. On the monitor, this black figure appeared standing on top of the patient who was lying in the bed. The patient died within a few hours of this figure appearing.”

Rosie?

Others were less sensational. "It looks a lot like the Babylonian demon Lamashtu," stated a paranormal expert, "but it's just Canon Rosie Harper, messing about with a sick patient, the Church of England."

Lamashtu?

Does this startling photograph of a female demon reveal the evil Lamashtu? Or is it just a senior woman priest in the Church of England, Canon Rosie Harper?

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

Buccolic Idyll

Sometimes what I like to do when I'm taking Blue Ebeneezer for a morning stroll is take pictures of houses. 

Thanks a Lot

As you can see, all is well in our merry little slice of rural paradise, and that's the good part of town.

Demoncratz

Blue Obadiah lays the blame squarely on the shoulders of the limo-lib Illuminati elite who run this country. He hates them and won't listen to "nuance" and "reason." These, he snarls, are, "New York Times degenerate." Smart dog.

Good Dog

In other news, it appears Obama didn't bother to consult the Pentagon before attacking ISIS. Way to go, Commander-in-Chief. Obviously he takes this operation seriously.

Bad Dog

And a terror attack by Methodists, sorry! Muslims, to stab the Queen was stopped by U.K. police. Weird, eh? Like totally out of leftfield.

Ride on,

LSP

Anglican Church of Canada, Run by Dead Space Alien?

Recent evidence suggests that the Anglican Church of Canada (ACoC) isn't controlled by human beings but by the spirit of a dead alien space creature.

Wrong

Proof emerged in Gosford, where Archdeacon Rod Bower is campaigning for radical Islam and the subjugation of women.

Right

Good call, Rod, and it's all fun and games until you wake up and find ISIS has chopped your buddy's head off.

Please, Canadians, put the brakes on the spaceship. And thanks, Samizdat.

LSP 

I Name This Dog

It's not every day that a Blue Heeler tips up on your porch and makes it his home for a couple of days. What can you do? You can ignore him and/or send him to animal jail or you can reward his loyalty by taking him in. That's what I did, and he's gnawing on a pig's ear this very moment.

Good Dog

But that's all very well. What should I call this beast? I wasn't sure, so I appealed to the readership and got a lot of help and some great names.

Bad Dog

In the end I went for Blue. Thanks LL, but that's just a first name; I have a good mind to cycle through the other names as the mood suits. Blue Banjo one day, Blue Rustler the next and so on. When he's been bad? Blue Welby springs to mind, or simply "Justin."

In other news, a church person just donated some tamales to the cause. I'm all for that.

Cheers,

LSP

Open Carry Texas

Now that Demoncrat Wendy's been trashed at the polls, Greg Abbott's stepped up to the plate and announced he'll sign-off on an open carry bill as soon as it hits his desk. What! You're thinking, Texas isn't an open carry state? Not really, you can carry rifles but not handguns. That looks set to change.

And it's not just men, a lot of women support open carry. After all, who knows what you might meet.

At Target.

The diner.

Or even San Antonio.

Let's leave Austin out of this, but I reckon being armed would be useful there too.

Well done, Greg. Let's see that bill.

LSP

This Dog Hunts Democrats

The thing about Blue Heelers is that they're a Collie/Dingo cross. Mine hates libs. A lot. Smart dog.

His first name is Blue.

That much is decided.

LSP