ICE

Was it celestial outrage over the British Army's new ad campaign, heavenly anger at the MillSoc antics of Moby and Sean Penn or just our old enemy, the weather, getting back at Texas for failing to pay a tribute tax? Who knows but for whatever reason, ice began to fall from the sky last night.

Apocalypse

It started off as freezing rain, driven by icy blasts of bonesplitting wind that swept the porch as though it were the open bridge of a ship in a winter gale. Then the rain turned to ice, followed by tiny shards of snow. 

Sure, if this was Calgary everyone would be heaving a sigh of relief at the warmth of it all but this is Texas and -9+ is something to be conjured with, to say nothing of Sky Ice.

Eschaton

The day dawned to a scene of frozen stasis. Nothing moved except a man and a blue dog on their way to the Pick 'n Steal, which was miraculously open. Then it hit me, an epiphany or eureka moment. Go to Walmart and buy a butt roast and slow cook that porcine beast until it's fall off the bone tender. And that's what I did.

The End of The World

Walmart was empty, you could fire off a canon and not hit anyone, but the pork was there. It's rubbed and ready for the Compound's oven, while we clean weapons, load magazines and dare the Weather to do its worst.

Invictus,

LSP

We Are Standing On The Edge

What, the edge of time? Of civil war and the Eschaton itself? No, just the edge of Walmart and the fields in this small slice of rural Texan paradise. But does the Golden Void speak to me? Not really but I won't deny it's not a bad place to be.

The rig's oil is refreshed, its engine will live again to fight another day, and all's well with the world as the sun sets over the fields on the outskirts of town.

Saying that, our lying, corrupt, pernicious, venal, smug, self-serving, mendacious, aggressive mainstream media have been busy accusing President Trump of being a Russian spy. Here's Alex Jones.

Make of it what you will but word to the wise, don't put up with being a serf dupe of the globalist New World Order and its Illuminati overlords. And remember, it's all a conspiracy until it isn't.

All best for Advent,

LSP

A Sign

Presented without comment.

LSP

That's Pretty Country

This sure is country, I thought as I looked at the machinery in the back of someone's rig in Walmart's famous country car park. Perhaps I should set up a chapel at this particular super-center and doubtless do a roaring trade. 

But seriously, what's happened to all the country pursuits that LSPland is famous for; shooting, fishing, riding, armed walkabouts in the bucolic mesquite groves of Olde Texas. What's happened to all of that? 

Getting a 17 year old into the hallowed halls of rural academe is what's happened, and I tell you this. It's not necessarily easy transferring a kid from the Canadian system into the Texan one, at least academically. By contrast, the football part wasn't hard at all; come on in and join the team was their motto.

Still, the High School enrollment evolution is almost over, which means the horizons of sporting life are starting to open up again, thank God. Must get back in the saddle, catch some fish and see if I still know how to shoot.

Look At All The Great Guns I've Bought!

Speaking of shooting, I'm tempted to do two things. One, buy an over and under shotgun and two, a .357 Magnum revolver. But all that's hypothetical. After Hurricane Harvey, Texas may have ceased to exist, sinking, like Atlantis, under the waves of a tumultuous sea.

Thunder is heaving across the sky as I write this fascinating entry, and that's country life.

In Texas,

LSP

Tales of Country Life in Texas

It was a day much like any other day, triple digit heat bouncing off Walmart's car park and you could feel the nuttiness as soon as you got inside the store. 

There it was, no sooner through the automatic doors and people were acting weird, off-hand and unbalanced, as though things could spin out of control. Maybe it was the heat.

Random SMLE

I took a cart and pushed on to stock up, milk, bread, wine, cheese and for some reason, root beer. It seemed good to me, I don't know why and it wasn't easy to get, there was too much random motion.

As I pulled the 4 pack of IBC into the cart, a weather-beaten woman slid across the aisle in front of me in dirty socks. No shoes, just socks; I guess it's easier to skate over Walmart's vinyl floor in socks, shoes have too much traction. I dodged out of the way but didn't get far.

Furries

A grinning, white haired giant loomed out of the freezer aisle into my path. "Say," he growled, "What's the only room in the hospital where they'll notice you?" I wasn't feeling quick and told him I didn't know. That satisfied him, after all, this was his joke. "I'll tell you, Emergency. They have a sign, says I... C... U..." 

We locked eyes and a grin creased his already lined, tan face. I told him that was pretty funny and he nodded. A moment of understanding. In the meanwhile, sock-skater had disappeared into the depths of the store and I checked out, passing the old men sitting on the bench outside the hair salon, looking brown as nuts under their veterans hats and not doing much at all except regarding the spectacle of the place unfold. This was their afternoon; I noticed one had been in Korea, but don't stare, it's rude.

Note The 12

I loaded my groceries into the rig and there, across the melting asphalt, were two young guys playing show-and-tell with a pump action twelve gauge outside their truck. Hey, why not, it's Walmart in August, there's no rule. 

Back home, Eduardo and Maria were slaughtering chickens in the back yard and getting it on to some Mexican music. They're good people and I like them; sometimes they bring me fresh eggs, which taste better than the things you buy in stores.

And that's country life.

In Texas,

LSP

Cooking With LSP, Spaghetti -- UPDATE

"What!" you say in that exasperated I've got better things to do with my time tone, "Cooking with LSP? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Not so fast, large international readership, you can cook with LSP and here's how.

Tomatoes

Go to Walmart and marvel at the guy with a shaved head and an eagle tattooed across his scalp, then pick up 2 Ilbs of ground beef, 80/20, an onion, some garlic, a big can of tinned tomatoes and its diminutive brother, tomato paste. Guess what, none of this is expensive or even hard to find.

Spyderco

Then take your haul home in the rig and get down to business. First, chop up the garlic, around 3 cloves, and a medium onion. Perhaps you use a Spyderco Perseverance for this arduous task, perhaps you don't, there's no rule. 

Next step. Make like a Sovereign and pour a tablespoon of olive oil in a pot, add the onion and garlic and heat it up until translucent; do not burn the garlic like a fool.

Mix It Up

Add two thirds of your six buck Walmart 80/20 and brown it off. Stand back in amazement as the fat renders off the ground beef and pour in a big can of whole tomatoes and half a can of tomato paste. 

Feeling confident in your culinary expertise, spice it up with some basil and a couple of bay leaves. Don't be shy of salt and pepper and, if you're not on the pledge, some red wine.

Optional

Speaking of which, this is a good time to have a well deserved drink. After all, you've earned it, but don't forget your food! Stir the in potentia Spaghetti Bolognese around with a wooden spoon, bring it to a boil and then reduce heat. Let that bad boy simmer away covered for an hour or so, give it time to rest, then serve with spaghetti and Parmesan cheese.

Come Together

And that's the way I do it. Some people use fresh as opposed to canned tomatoes and I admire that, way to go; I can't be bothered. Others add carrots, celery, mushrooms, corn, sugar, whatever. I don't, I think that's a mistake.

Don't add carrots.

Sidearms are not essential to this recipe but they help, and remember...

Every gun is a loaded gun.

Your Old Pal,

LSP

*******************************************

UPDATE   UPDATE   UPDATE   UPDATE

*******************************************

The handgun is NOT optional.

A pinch of sugar, chili powder, and mushrooms are advised.

Gunpowder may be used. Marmite may be used.

END

Angels

I was standing in the harsh Texan T shirt winter of a Walmart car park and looked up at the sun. It glowed with incandescent light through the high clouds, like an angel on its flight path down to the rigs and shopping carts parked right there on the asphalt. 

What are angels? The Angelic Doctor, St. Thomas Aquinas, teaches us that they're purely spiritual, intellectual beings and therefore incorporeal, necessitated by the "perfection of the universe" and the nature of divine creation.

A Typical Angel

Angels, we learn, are without form and matter and exist fully actualized, beings of almost pure act. They are, however, inferior to God because they are contingent upon Him. Good stuff and you can read all about it here. But maybe this is all a bit highbrow, form and matter, species and genus, essence and existence and all of that. Let's bring the definition down to earth by reflecting on what angels aren't. 

Here's a helpful infographic:

These aren't angels, at least they're not the good kind. Don't ask for their help.

Vicious rumors that top Democrat Party operatives practice ritual magic and commune with demons are entirely with foundation.

Moral of the story? If you're going to get into it with angels, choose the right sort.

God bless,

LSP

You Dirty Rat, Knife Review

Every once and a while something catches your eye, like an Ontario Knife Company Rat 1 in Walmart's discount sporting goods section. There it was, lying in a confusion of camo baitcaster reels, SOG novelty items and unwanted Gerber knick knacks. The knife looked solid and workmanlike against the rolled over detritus of the outdoors industry.

It felt good, too, fitting the hand well and weighing enough to let you know you're holding something (5.0 oz), which you are, over three and a half inches of AUS 8, full flat grind, 58-59 HRC, satin finish steel. And it was even sharp, very sharp. So I bought that knife and took it home.

The Ontario Knife Company describes their product, which is made in Taiwan, thus:

The immensely popular RAT folders are among OKC's top selling products. Featuring versatile AUS-8 stainless steel and a nylon handle, the RAT folder comes in a variety of styles including different blade and handle colors. The RAT folders are an ideal and affordable every day carry.

That's the marketing, what's the reality? 

Fit and finish are fine, with metal liners and scales flush and no upwards, downwards or sideways movement from the blade when it's in the open position, or when it's shut. Dual thumbscrews provide ambidextrous opening and the jimping is pronounced enough to do its job. The scales (handles) look like G10 but are, in fact, Nylon 6, but don't worry, they're attached to the metal liners with 5 screws. Yes. Five. What about the blade? It's sharp, really sharp, and deploys well, with an authoritative click, like a magazine coming home. I like that. The verdict?

Does it work? Oh yes, my Rat 1 sliced through a frozen pie package as though it were butter. The knife is sharp. Does it feel good? It fits in the hand well and has a good heft to it and it's not too big to fit in the pocket. Do women like them? They love them. A lot. Is it tactical? You better believe it is, just look at that black handle. But how much does it cost? It costs the grand total of $15. Seriously, 15 bucks, that's all.

So go out and get this knife if you're looking for an inexpensive workhorse folder. The only downsides, to me, are that it's made in Taiwan and the Nylon 6 is a bit slick, G10 would be better. But look, for $15 you can't go wrong with this knife. Get one, I don't think you'll be disappointed. The specs are here, and elsewhere.

Don't be a rat, get the knife,

LSP

Cooking With LSP, The Hard Way

"Cooking with LSP?" you ask with a wry smile, "That's kind of weird." Not so fast, readers, here's how it's done. The hard way.

Go to Walmart and pick up a couple of Threepers. No, not two members of a citizens militia! Two 3 packs of New York Strips; they shouldn't cost more that $30, all in all. Take your Threepers home, salt and pepper them and let those steaks come to room temperature in a place where the dog can't get them. He's hungry for steak.

Fire up the Weber using a large chimney, you'll want a lot of charcoal for a hot fire, then spread the coals when they're grey and put a grid over them. Scrape that grid down with a wire brush and admire the inferno as you sip an ice cold Stella. But look, there's no rule, it doesn't have to be Stella, that's just my choice. Do what you like, it's up to you.

Meditation over, get the steak and throw it on the grill. Watch it sizzle as the Threepers hit the hot grid; after about a minute, put the lid on the grill and observe the mystery of cooking for around 3 minutes, depending on the size of the steaks. Uncover, flip, repeat.

Grilling over, put the steaks on a tray and serve them up to the hungry team. Maybe throw in some baked potatoes and salad, perhaps some fried onions and mushrooms, whatever. 

You, not Big Government, are in charge of this operation. Then eat your steaks, like a Warrior. 

And that's cooking with,

LSP

Muslim Cooks Off in Texas. Gets Shot

Mohammad Moghaddam went Jihad in an Amarillo Walmart and got himself shot.

Here endeth the Lesson.

LSP

Rainbow, Where's The Gold?

In a stunning display of cosmic irony, a rainbow appeared in LSPland, facing Stores, affectionately known on the depot as "Walmart." And not just any old rainbow, no, this one was double.

There it was, hanging in the sky, so I joined the smartphone frenzy and took a picture of it, along with everyone else. There weren't any unicorns frolicking on its graceful curves and I couldn't find the crock of gold, either. 

So Where's The Unicorn?

That, the mythical pot of wealth that comes with the rainbow, is apparently an illusion. Follow the rainbow, they say, and you'll find riches and happiness beyond your wildest dreams. But it's not there, so much for State agitprop.

Stores

After a time the rainbow faded, giving way to torrential rain, house-shaking thunder and ferocious lightning, which I watched from the safety of the porch.

There's a moral in this, if you care to draw it.

LSP

Storm Front

Maybe it's because we don't pay enough carbon tax and don't have a ban on hi-cap magazines, but for whatever reason, it seemed like we were losing the War on Weather this morning. 

The sky began to turn green and the air became still in the Ozlike light. Very much the calm before the tornado which didn't come, although the rain did. Like a deluge. That meant I didn't go visiting this morning because I had to make the compound's sturdy tornado bunker (basement) available to the public.

Then the storm passed over and I made my rounds, visiting the sick, the dying and the bereaved. There's no shortage of these, unfortunately. But still, it meant stopping by a fine restaurant.

It also meant gauging the exponential growth of a chicken operation, and running cattle, to say nothing of pondering the militia presence in the local Walmart car park. 

It's all going on in the countryside, I tell you.

And the the storm is by no means over.

LSP

Well Done, Napoleon

Well done, Obama, you latter-day Napoleon.

Ramadi, capitol of Iraq's Anbar province, which borders Saudi Arabia and isn't even remotely strategic to anyone who lives in opposite land, has been overrun by ISIS savages.

As I understand it, 1,300 US soldiers and Marines died, fighting for Ramadi. All for what? So ISIS can rule there? Well why not, it's not like there's going to be an Apple Store there any time soon, or a Walmart outlet, or anything gay like that. I mean to say, there's no likelihood of a Pride rally being held in Ramadi, so why bother defending it. 

In the meanwhile, the same Muslims who enslave and rape women, and behead children, are in control of Iraq's western province.

Good work, Obama, you Rainbow Rommel.

We scorn you.

LSP

Black Friday Bombs

Please buy something.

I went to the local Walmart on "Black Friday", looking for action. Maybe some trampling, or a taser fight over cut-price Vizio flatscreens, or whatever. But no luck, you could've fired a canon in that store and not hit a soul. It was like a neutron bomb had gone off, somehow sparing the checkout staff who stood out in the aisles, trying to entice the few lone punters to their silent cash registers.

Solar Space

A sign of things to come? Of course not, because as everyone knows, the more in debt you get the richer you are and one day the Japanese will turn the moon into a gigantic solar array, beaming limitless free energy to the people of earth. No retail dystopia there, my friend.

I bought some milk and bread out of a sense of civic duty.

Buy on,

LSP

Fish

Fish On

I wouldn't want anyone to think I was some kind of stereotype, or something, so I eagerly took up a friend's offer to go Kayak Fishing on the Brazos, on the outskirts of Waco, off I35.

We stopped at Walmart to pick up some spinners and lures and I seized the opportunity to spray my legs with insect repellent, or sunscreen, which I found open at the sporting goods counter. I got into a fight about that with a Walmart person. but don't worry, it wasn't a real fight, just a verbal.

some guy facing off a bear with a hatchet

Fleeing Walmart we stopped at a Starbucks because I wanted a Latte, and spied a senior philosophy prof (?) from Baylor. I resisted the urge to hurl unkind taunts about "old bald head" and reminded my friend about Elijah and the bears.

fish

Then a whole lot of fun kayaking along the river -- the fish (Bass) were jumping and I was catching nothing until we pulled into some shallows and cast from there. Caught a baby Bass and a Drum(?) and as always felt inordinately pleased at the catch. Put the fish back and progressed upstream to home.

Fish Rising

Great fun. Message? Fish more often, get a boat.

Fish on,

LSP