Time Traveler Brings Back Photos Of Life On Mars

Proof has finally emerged that life exists on Mars, in the year 3812. Photos brought back by a young time traveler known only as "Mary", reveal buildings, a cathedral, and humanoid creatures living on the inhospitable surface of the red planet.

“Mars was very interesting and at the same time very frightening," stated Mary, 37, "It looked like a desert with many buildings and York Minster, I immediately took a photo. You can see the spaceships on which we came, you can also see the buildings."

The time traveler met with one Mars creature who called himself "Justsin" and wore a black coat. The humanoid took her for a ride in his flying car to see "the Sentamu."

“I was walking through the city when a man came to me who was wearing a black coat. His name was Justsin, he asked me to follow him to see 'the Sentamu' and we walked away and went to his car. 

"I couldn’t forget that emotion when I was flying above York Minster, on Mars.”

Ad Astra,

LSP

NASA Probe Unravels Great Red Spot Mystery

NASA's Juno space probe has captured dramatic photos deep within the heart of the Jupiter's Great Red Spot, revealing what appears to be the head of the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justsin Welby.

Juno left earth in 2011, making its first pass over Jupiter's Great Red Spot in July, 2017. Astronomer's discovered that the Spot has deep roots, well into the planet's atmosphere.

"Juno data indicate that the solar system's most famous storm is almost one-and-a-half Earths wide, and has roots that penetrate about 200 miles (300 kilometers) into the planet's atmosphere,” said Scott Belton, Juno's principal investigator.

However, star gazing boffins were shocked to find the Archbishop of Canterbury in Juno's camera footage.

"It came as a shock," stated Belton, "We didn't expect to find Justin Welby so far down in the Red Spot, right there at the bottom,"

Others aren't convinced. "This is absurd. It's obviously not the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby," said one expert, "It's just hot gas. Red Spot Junior is ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada), we know that."

Juno continues on its journey out of the solar system and into the icy void of deep space.

Ad Adstra,

LSP

Make His Paths Straight

If you follow the newfangled innovation that is the lectionary cooked up by "experts" in the '60s, you'll have noticed that today's Gospel is all about John the Baptist crying out in the wilderness, "Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his paths straight."

Rev. "Rachel" Mann

Make his paths straight, what would Archbishop Justsin say about that? Let's find out, here he is in an interview with GQ as reported by Lifesitenews:

Justin Welby, the Church of England’s Archbishop of Canterbury, was asked point-blank, “Is gay sex sinful?” by GQ on Monday.

“You know very well that is a question I can’t give a straight answer to,” Welby answered, then added, “Sorry, badly phrased there. I should have thought that one through.”

According to GQ, Welby paused and looked “mildly embarrassed” after his response.

Asked why he couldn’t answer the question, Welby responded: “Because I don’t do blanket condemnation and I haven’t got a good answer to the question. I’ll be really honest about that. I know I haven’t got a good answer to the question.”

"I haven't got a good answer to the question," tell us, Justsin, is that you or the Chinos talking? Regardless, what would the Baptizer say? 

Welby's Chinos

I think we know and it doesn't take any great leap of the imagination to picture the Forerunner's career trajectory in today's Church of England. From nothing to nothing, springs to mind. 

The Baptizer

Or if the unfortunate prophet found himself within the beast itself, the CofE, where would it end. With his head on a platter at the request of a dancing girl? Or some other thing, like the curiously named trans Canon of Manchester Cathedral, Rachel Mann.

Quite

Whatever the case, I don't see the Baptist backing down. Sorry, Justsin.

Make his paths straight,

LSP

Archbishop Of Canterbury In Black Friday Mall Brawl

Reports are coming in from around the country that the leader of the cash-strapped Church of England, Archbishop Justin Welby, has been Black Friday mall brawling for cheap deals in a desperate attempt to fix the finances of the Anglican Communion.

Following Thanksgiving, Black Friday discounts drive shoppers into a frenzy as they compete for door buster deals, and Archbishop Justsin was no exception, fighting for bargains with thousands of other hungry shoppers.

Police broke up mall brawls in numerous locations, including Alabama, Detroit and Jersey City.  Always one to mind the bottom line, Archbishop Justsin has reportedly installed 52" flatscreens in Lambeth Palace and stocked his drawers with cut-price cotton twill Chinos.

What this means for the present day Worldwide Anglican Non Communion (WANC) is presently unclear.

Quo Vadis,

LSP

Welby's Chinos!

They're here, they're there, they're everywhere, you guessed it, Welby's Chinos! 

Never one to stand on ceremony, Old Etonian Archbishop Justsin likes nothing better than to throw down his finely tailored Saville Row suits and pull on a pair of happy go lucky chinos.

Africans Amazed At Welby's Chinos

As a heartfelt proponent of cross-dressing for children, Welby favors the insouciant "whiter shade of pale" chino over its more formal variant, the traditional khaki.

Welby's Chinos Closeup

On TV and off TV, in Synod and out, strolling down the Mall with all the other swells or hanging loose in Old Compton Street, you name it, Archbishop Justin's right at home, in his free and easy cotton twills.

Don't Laugh At The Chinos!

So whether you're rocking a tutu and a fireman's helmet, a tool belt or tiara, never fear, Justsin's here, in chinos!

Bell Harry Forever,

LSP

Is The Church of England Buried? On Mars?

The search for extraterrestrial life has taken an unexpected turn, with NASA photos showing what appears to be the Church of England buried beneath the dust and rock of the Red Planet. 

SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Life) experts have analysed photographic evidence taken by NASA's Curiosity Rover, revealing a cross that's barely visible above the surface of Mars. Some claim it's all that remains of the Church of England.

A Typical DLC Mess Scene Before Everyone Tips up And Gets Rowdy

"Everyone knows the CofE (Church of England) went red a long time ago," stated one SETI analyst, "but no one's been able to find it until now. It was buried under the martian sand, a freak storm must have uncovered its cross."

A ruined arch, that pundits believe is all that's left of the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion (WANC), lies broken in the red sand covering the nearby Church of England, a reminder of the denomination's past splendour.

According to UFO Sightings Daily, "This is a very unusual find and probably a significant discovery for some readers here that are religious."

Whether the Church of England will break free of the red planet and dig itself out of the martian dirt remains to be seen. It's leader, Justsin Welby, was unavailable for comment.

Ad Astra,

LSP 

It's The Dyslexic Deacon!

The Dyslexic Deacon's back and he's back in force, reporting on the recent primates meeting in Canterbury. Over to you, Deacon.

Saucies closed to APB Justsin Wobbly have leaked a seekret reprot on the Naglican Conunuim. '38 Shades of Gay' reveels how conversative FAGCON prymates suckcessfully censered ACUSA (TEC) homosectual weddings at the resent cumming together in Cant A Becket. In the Indrotuction APB Justsin apollogises for the Conunium's phomohobic passed and looks forwood to censering homosectuals in the Cherch of Negland.

Thanks, Dyslexic Deacon, keep it coming!

LSP 

It's the Dyslexic Deacon!

The Dyslexic Deacon's back, and he's back in force with this insight on the Anglican Communion:

Saucies closed to APB Justsin Wobbly say he and bother promates will gambol on the fewture of the Naglican Conunium at Labmeth Palais. After the last throes of the dioceses they will bed in sepirate sleep rooms.

Justsin Grins

Rumors that the Dyslexic Deacon is the brains behind the Glastonbury Festival may or may not be true. But here's some food for thought.

Depart, harming no-one!

Should Pope Francis, who has a proven track record of exposing evil, visit Lambeth Palace and "liberate" Justsin from the wickedness that oppresses him?

I'd say, "Good call."

LSP

New Year's Eve

What's New Year's Eve without a visit to a gun shop? With that in mind, I made my way to Proline Shooters, in Inglewood, Calgary. This gun shop is remarkable for having a barber on the premises, which means you can get your hair cut and look at the guns. 

Calgary Capital

Some time ago, the resident barber, Doug, was a cadaverous old communist, who liked to demonize Calgary capitalists as he snipped away at your hair. You'd see him, up into the early hours, talking with the owner of the shop over a bottle of whiskey. Doug died of cancer a few years back; may he rest in peace. 

CarolPeter, Father of One

In other news, you'll be interested to know that the Church of England's first trans clergyperson has died of cancer at the young age of 60. Rev. Carol Stone started off life as Peter Stone and decided to get a sex change in 2000. The Bishop of Swindon, Lee Rayfield, stated, "She was a really true priest who overcame a huge amount in her life."

Alien Hybrid Expert

But CarolPeter wasn't a woman, more of a hybrid man/woman, or as someone put it, "A blasphemous parody of a woman." So I'd argue against calling CarolPeter "she." Still, I hope he/she sorts it all out with the Creator.

Rumors that Justsin Welby's Church of England has become a pansexual pantomime are entirely true.

Cheers,

LSP