Is This the Church of England?

Look, I'm not saying that this plucky little purple plush unicorn is for sure the Church of England, it might be the Diocese of Southwark, or the Bishop of Gloucester. Perhaps it's the diminutive ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada), or even the cash rich but numbers starved Episcopal Church itself. Maybe it's the Anglican Communion Office. Who knows.

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

Pool Monkey

Sometimes it makes sense to go to the Verandah Club pool and relax. You can swim up to the bar and order food.

I understand their Lion Burgers are especially good. Two, please. 

In other news, some safaris are offering discounts on life-size monkey trophies. Some people think they'd make good money safes.

"So where's the money?" 

"In the monkey."

Cheers, 

LSP

Kulture

I took a break from ordering lion brisket burritos and went to the Meadows Museum, in Dallas. The Infanta Margarita featured largely. Beautiful.

The recruits thought some  Picasso sketches highly amusing. "Do you think he was drunk?" they asked. "I should imagine he was," I replied.

Note the Chains.

There's an outdoor sculpture exhibition at the Meadows, which reminds me of a young man who took apart a piece of metal in Hackney, thinking it was scrap, and then sold the pieces; a blowtorch was involved. Saying that, I like the wavy bronze installation in front of the place. Neat.

Rock On

At the end of the day we relaxed on the porch and watched the sprinkler, pretending it was raining. And that was just fine.

Is it Raining?!?

If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill it.

LSP

Pet Lion Sold For Body Parts!!

Everyone's favorite pet lion, Cecil, has been shot by a vicious white cash hunter, and sold for body parts. The world is enraged. Cecil's vital organs can be bought for just:

Liver:  $1000

Heart:  $1800

Lungs:  $1600

Intestine:  $800

Eyes:  $500

So go on, take your pick. It's just "tissue." And if you think our new normal resembles Soylent Green, but only a lot sicker, well, maybe you have a point.

And remember this, Soylent Green is made out of people.

Chow down,

LSP

Jade Helm

Multiple operators loaded up rods and rations into GWB's rig and headed off to a clandestine staging area, somewhere in Texas. Our mission? To catch Bass.

Arriving on target, intel reports proved true, the opposition had several things in their favor: snagging lake weed, searing heat, vicious fire ants and mud. Some would have given up and gone back to the creature comforts of base, we did not.

GWB advanced swiftly to contact, making bold casts to the center, left and then right flanks of the position. Four Bass down, I followed through to the center with a dark worm and reeled in Old Leviathan.

By then the sun was beginning to set over the lake and we hoped for a magic hour of jumping, fighting and biting Bass. This never came, but it was beautiful to be out at the lake.

Mission accomplished, we headed West, or was it East, back to HQ.

Fish on,

LSP

Detroit Devil

In what promises to be the largest satanic ceremony the world has ever seen since the last Democratic Party Convention, Detroit looks set to unveil a life-size devil statue on Saturday.

Sponsored by the Satanic Temple, the 8-foot-tall bronze monument to the horned God, Baphomet, weighs one ton and is flanked by two children, staring adoringly at Satan's goat-head face.

Detroit's "unveiling" is a private, ticket only event, promising “a night of chaos, noise, and debauchery… Come dance with the Devil and experience history in the making.”

Pedophilia is commonly associated with devil worship, as is infant sacrifice. The Satanic Temple is an enthusiastic supporter of abortion.

And I know the devil worshipers are just wacky funsters having a provocative go at "The Man," but remember this, devotees of the horned, baby killing, child abusing Devil -- it's all fun and games until you wake up and find a demon gnawing on your face. Or you're in hell, next to Jimmy Savile.

God bless,

LSP

Willie Nelson Rebuilt This

I went downtown to register my truck. There isn't much downtown, but there is a courthouse, which burned down in the '90s (1990s). Willie Nelson helped to rebuild it.

There's also a Confederate War Memorial, and guess what, no one's tried to vandalize it. Weird, eh? Maybe that wouldn't go down too well around here.

And that's just the way it is.

LSP

Anglican Gender Justice

Do you remember the latest headline-breaking news about the Church of England? That it had launched a bold new ecotheology initiative to reduce its carbon footprint? Well, that's not all.

Gender Justice Warriors

Courageous Anglican gender justice warriors met at a workshop in London in March to kick off an "international movement for gender justice."

Anglican Communion Office

According to Revd Terrie Robinson, Director for Women in the Church and Society (WITCHS) at the Anglican Communion Office, “The workshop was a constructive reminder that we will travel further in our efforts for gender justice if we travel together. Women and men have become trapped in distorted mythologies around power which erode the status and agency of women, deny men and women the benefits of just gender relations, and get in the way of development, health and well-being."

Distorted Mythology?

Vicious rumors that the Anglican Communion Office has been taken over by space aliens are just that, rumors.

Travel Together

Former oil executive, Justsin Welby, is Archbishop of Canterbury.

LSP

Fishing

Don't get me wrong, shooting is great, but fishing is neat too. So I loaded up the truck with some rods and headed off to Lake Whitney.

The Lake's still high and right  out of the gate one of the team caught a Bass with a long tail worm on a Texas rig. Big excitement, which was tempered, a bit, by the young 'un dropping the fish before we could get a picture. It swam away to fight again another day. 

Then one of the boys fell in the lake and had to dry out in the sun while the other caught a fish with his cowboy hat. The hat was strangely waterproof; you can get them from Cavender's for $24. Keeps the sun off and doubles as a net, quite a deal.

Later on a  friendly fisherman gave us a couple of Perch to use as bait and that was fun but didn't result in any strikes. He'd been there since 5.30 am and had only caught Perch, 6 of them.

As midday came and went, and the sun beat down, we headed for the Compound.

Well done, Team, and you never know, maybe next time I'll catch something...

LSP

Mighty Ballistics Hi-Power

A few months ago a kind churchperson gave me his old Crossman 1389 Backpacker pump action air pistol. Handy bit of kit, I thought, as I loaded a .177 pellet into the chamber, pumped away and squeezed the trigger while aiming at a pecan tree. Disaster, the pellet didn't fire, neither did the next one, or the one after that, so I put the pistol away.

Until today and a new tin of pellets. Guess what, the pistol performed flawlessly, shooting through an old plastic milk container with unerring power and accuracy.

Handy addition to the backyard range.

In other news, I preached on the miracle of the feeding of the 5000, focusing on the symbolism of the loaves. 5 loaves for the Pentateuch, showing that Jesus is the fulfillment of the Law; and as Elisha multiplied 20 loaves to feed 100, Christ does the same but by orders of magnitude greater. He is the fulfillment of Prophecy. It stands to reason, then, that he multiplies two fish, expressing his twofold nature and the people who will benefit from the heavenly nourishment that he offers. Both Jews and Gentiles fall within the grace of the New Covenant, grace that is nothing less than Our Lord himself.

Where do we find this? In the Eucharist, as typified by the miracle.

I went on like that in several 10th Seconds of Forever, at the end of which my MC, who has forgotten more about riding than I will ever know, said, "That wasn't very good." 

Rebuked!

LSP

Church of England, on the Moon?

The Church of England may have been found, on the moon. Pictures suggest that the small and declining denomination has set up shop on the Earth's orbiting companion.

While some think that the Earth's moon is home to UFO space alien bases, others think that the diminutive Church of England is responsible for "on the square" crater anomalies.

According to one expert: 

"Skeptics that debunk the Church of England on the moon theories do not have the slightest idea what is going on up there, or why human beings have not traveled to the moon even though it is a point of interest for us not only because of its proximity but also because of the exploitable natural resources present on the moon."

Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, who helped exploit oil and gas from Africa when working for Elf, was unavailable for comment.

The Shard

Ad Astra,

LSP

Fort Worth, Leader of the Pack?

I've been at the International Congress of Catholic Anglicans in Fort worth (ICCA). What was it like? Here's a quote from Balaam's Ass (BA):

“We’re gathered at a time of crisis and because of a crisis. We stand for the Faith and Order of the undivided Church, yet we have a proliferation of jurisdictions. The overriding purpose, the imperative of our meeting, is to address our ecclesial deficit.”

BA continued, “In doing so, and when we’re done, would to God that Betjeman’s words might be extended to this Anglo-Catholic Congress: ‘Those were the waking days, when Faith was taught and fanned to a golden blaze.”

You can read the whole thing here and while you're at it, ponder the unholy alliance between Planned Moloch and our new SCOTUS inspired Rainbow Utopia.

In the meanwhile, Fort Worth? Ahead of the pack.

LSP