Get Back in The Saddle, Fool

It's been a little while, but I rode out on Tres this evening before Vespers. Tres is a horse of color who identifies with her biological gender as a mare. Tres is OK with people calling her "her" or "she", that's the kind of pronoun she goes by, at least for now. 

Tres also idolizes a white Stallion, called Whitey McPrivilege. Whitey feels, pretty aggressively I can tell you, that Tres belongs to him. Tres agrees and even seems to like it.

A Saddle on a Truck

I know. By now you're probably feeling a bit sick at the sheer spectacle of this heteronormative, self-imposed cisgender stereotyping. What's wrong with these horses, you're asking. Good question, and I don't know what's got into them, but I do know that Whitey McPrivilege wasn't there when we rode up on the herd.

Is Whitey Here?

They were all horses of color and Whitey wasn't there. Tres was pretty upset, no kidding, so we ran back to the safe space of the barn, fast. Maybe she'd find Whitey there, thought Tres. No, she didn't. Then we ran down to the big cow pasture. Was Whitey there? No, he wasn't. Maybe someone had shot Whitey for being a hate-filed, misogynist gender fascist. Whatever, he wan't there.

Where is Whitey?

Bereft of gender oppression, Tres posted back to the safe space, ate some grass and got turned out. So you see, readers, all six of you, everything turned out alright.

Ride on,

LSP

Love Texas

After Mass on Sunday, two church ladies were talking about a town notable. Some time ago, he'd gotten into the beer and decided to saddle up and charge around town. His wife called her friend, "Have you seen my husband?" and the friend replied, "Have you seen my horse?" She hadn't, then all became clear.

"Well look at this," said the friend, "Your jackass has just turned up on my horse." Apparently he liked nothing better than to ride around town. I asked a matriarch whether that was against the law, thinking to myself that I'd like nothing better than to ride around town. She looked at me, "I don't think anyone ever told him that."

Someone's written a clever article saying that Texas has become a "caricature of itself." Others might say that the Lone Star State is larger than life and twice as big, the map alone suggests it. For goodness sake, you could put a large chunk of England in the Panhandle alone. But what do I think?

A Typical Cowboy

I'd say that the spirit of the frontier isn't that far away from this state, especially when you're in the countryside; it wasn't so long ago that people rode their horses in this town. 

I'm in favor of that.

All for Texas,

LSP

Don't be a Loser, Ride The Horse

It's been hard to ride lately on account of the floods but the waters have receded a bit, which means get on the horse. And that's what I did, after flying the flag at a cowboy church men's prayer breakfast. 

They're a good bunch of guys, the cowboys, with a pretty straight up kind of faith. Enlivened by that, I tacked up in the morning sunshine and rode out. Trace was eager enough and it was simply good to get out in the country on horseback. I find it clears the mind.

Gallop up The Hill

It's good exercise, too, provided you put some work into it, and we did, horse and rider, galloping along through the incredibly, for Texas, green countryside.

Ride over, I turned the herd out into their big pasture, where they can get up to mischief and eat lots of grass.

Trace

There's a satisfaction to all of this which is hard to put into words, but I will say this -- riding's good for mind, body and spirit. Unless you fall off and get killed, in which case it's a different story again.

With that in mind, stay on the horse,

LSP

Tack Up

It's all very well to spend your life on the water in search of fish, but sometimes it makes sense to change things up a bit. With that in mind, I went for a ride.

There we were, horse and rider all alone under the big Texan sky, a sky that was growing ominously dark with low, stormy clouds. Then the wind started to pick up and I got in the saddle, daring the elements to bring it on.

They didn't, fortunately, but it was neat to gallop out like a stormchaser, and I was pleased with the horse. We're getting to know each other and she's fast, responsive and wants to please, as opposed to being a crazy, dangerous, mutineer. Good horse.

Ride over, I looked at the strangely green water meadows of Texas and their cows. A pastoral scene that reminded me of England, but that illusion vanishes with the Mesquite, dirt roads, larger sky and the newness of the settlement. 

It was all being pioneered not too long ago. There's a sense of freedom in that.

Stay on the horse,

LSP

Texas Bath

Don't get rid of your old bath tub. Repurpose it, Texas style.

That is all.

LSP

Keep Your Hat On!

How do you keep your cowboy hat on? Staples. But seriously, there you are, riding along, and you pick up a canter and then a gallop, which is great but you want to go further and faster, so you change gear and accelerate to a run. A fast full-tilt run across the open countryside, wind in your face, at one with the horse, the landscape blurring by on either side and then, oh no! your hat flies off. Not so awesome, eh?

Don't worry, it happens; the wind gets under the brim of the wretched hat and blows it off your head, and you have to stop everything to go back for the thing. But it doesn't have to be that way, all's not lost.

You can get a hat with a deep crown, unlike mine, and jam it on your head when you pick up speed. That may help, or you can attach a stampede string, or "chin strap," which will keep the hat on your head as long as you make sure the string's attached to the hat band. If you rely on bent cotter pins alone you might find that they straighten up under the pressure of the wind and off flies the hat as the string detaches.

Or you can try this. Turn down the sweatband at the back of the hat and discover that doing this makes a kind of suction, which grips the hat firmly onto your head, as if by magic. You can also pad out the sweatband to produce a tighter fit; that'd probably do in place of a string, but I haven't tried it.

If you want extra hat security, try using a string and the magic sweatband trick, it's worked for me. And if you're the kind of horseman that rides in a ball cap, you can attach it to your coat with a cord, paracord will do. When it comes off it dangles, annoyingly, but you don't lose it.

There. Problem, solution, and that's what this blog is all about.

Stay on the horse,

LSP

Get on The Horse

You can be a sad determinist or some variety of Calvinist and believe that everything is preordained. I chose to exercise my freewill and went for a ride. Don't be a fatalist, I muttered grimly to myself, get on the horse.

We started off slowly, trotting along in the clear air of a crisp, sunny Texan morning and posted off down a trail in the Mesquite. As I understand it, posting trot isn't very "Western" but so what, it's good for the horse's back and the rider's sense of rhythm, to say nothing of muscles. They got a good workout.

After a little while it seemed right to open up and off we galloped, not too furiously but plenty fast enough. It's a great feeling, moving at speed with a horse through the countryside.

We finished with some uphill galloping, Go on! Up that hill! followed by a brisk trot back to the barn. I say barn, but it's more of a walk-in with a trailer doing duty as a tack room, and what's wrong with that? Nothing at all.

Ride over, I drove the country route to Waco, down 933, cleverly avoiding the heinous I35, and visited the sick in hospital. One of them's made a pretty miraculous recovery. I thank God for that. And remember, God's knowledge is necessary but it's also eternal and simultaneous, or present tense. 

That doesn't contradict free will. Speaking of which, I'll clean some guns after Stations of the Cross. There's nothing, ahem, predictable about that, at all.

Stay on the horse,

LSP

Don't go to a Liturgical Dance, Ride Instead

You wake up, it's a beautiful day and you think to yourself, "I know, I'll go to a liturgical dance!" Resist that temptation, and go for a ride.

Goofing Off

Liturgical Dance is goofy.

Horses Scorn Liturgical Dance

Riding is not goofy, mostly.

Bad And Weird

Liturgical Dance is bad.

Good Horse

Riding is good.

Blasphemous Nonsense

Liturgical Dance is blasphemous.

Don't go Liturgical Dancing, Fool

Riding is not.

I hope this short educational post helps all of us to keep a better, more disciplined and holy Lent. Remember, when temptation strikes, as it so often does, don't go liturgical dancing! Go for a ride instead, it's better for mind, body and spirit.

That is all.

LSP

Herding Cats

As I was saddling up, I was attacked by a herd of cats. They launched a frontal assault on my leg, which they climbed, like furry pirates.

When they weren't doing that, they launched wave attacks on my feet. It was hard to move, I tell you, but I shook them off, got on the horse and rode out.

The horse was a bit rebellious, doubtless shook up by the cat attack, but she got over it and we galloped up several hills, took in the scenery, and then went through some woods. Real woods, mind you, not your brush, Mesquite, impenetrable thicket woods. 

By the time we got back to the barn a small herd of cows had displaced the cats and that, readers, is the story of that.

I love riding,

LSP

Ride On

RP's philosophy is, I have land and I have horses, so I'm happy to share it, and I'm grateful for that, so I took a couple of bales of Coastal and two sacks of feed to this evening's ride, by way of saying thanks.

It was a fast ride, which I like, though we stopped to take in the scenery from time to time. From the top of one hill you could just make out trucks moving along the hideous nightmare that is I35. It felt good to be on horseback, viewing it from afar.

There's a number of ponds, or tanks, on the ranch, and some fish to caught. There's also deer, coyote, pigs and snakes. I didn't see any, though there's a logic to horseback hunting.

Good Philosophy

The porcuswine, or whatever, are used to livestock and won't spook at a horse if you ride up quietly on them. That's your opportunity to take a scout rifle, or a lever gun from your scabbard and shoot.

In other news, Vladimir Putin has accused Obama and other Western leaders of being "oatmeal heads." You can read all about it in ZeroHedge.

Ride on,

LSP

Ride the Horse, Obama Gets Spanked

You  can stare in numb amazement as Putin spanks Care Barry and US Middle Eastern foreign policy unravels like a rotten rope, or you can go for a ride. I chose the latter.

Care Barry

Some horses are hard to catch and you're exhausted before you've even tacked up. This one was easy, gentle, well mannered, no problem at all. But she wasn't used to riding out on her own, away from the herd and the safety of the barn. 

Tack Up

So what to expect. Mutiny? Outright rebellion? Spooky hi-jinx?

Russian Girls Laugh at Care Barry Getting Spanked

I needn't have worried. She moved out well enough and didn't pull any freakish stunts, beyond being a bit herd/barn sour. We ended up in a big field and opened up -- gallop! I had to hold on to my hat. Great fun.

Ride The Horse

Then we rode back as the sun was setting. Beautiful. I tell you, there's a lot worse things to do than ride in Texas.

Get ready to go as fast as you can

Your Friend,

LSP