Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Archbishop of Canterbury's Head Found on Mars!

Thanks to star-gazing Google sleuths, the Archbishop of Canterbury's head may have been found, on Mars!

High Cranium, Pointed Chin

The whereabouts of Archbishop Justin Welby's head has baffled experts since Anglicanism's top leader visited Kenya last year, but now the mystery of the missing head could be at an end. After searching through hundreds of high-resolution photos taken by NASA's Mars Rover, amateur Ufologists believe they have spotted Welby's head.

Mars Rock Or Archbishop's Head?

Taken from NASA's website, photos show a head with a high domelike cranium and a pointed chin, half-buried in drifting sand. Said one expert, "The picture shows a very long skull with an elongated forehead as compared to the jaw, which indicates high intelligence." This might link the skull to Welby, who is famous for his sharp negotiating skills and the superhuman intellectual ability to hold entirely opposing points of view at any one time.

Others aren't convinced. "It's just a rock that looks a lot like Justin Welby's missing head," said one skeptic.

Has Welby's head been found, at last? You, the reader, be the judge.



LL said...

Since it's a miracle, should you be referring to him as Saint Justin (or St. Justin 2)?

Borepatch said...

Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair ...

LSP said...

Maybe I should. St. Justin of Mars. It just seems to fit.

LSP said...

Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies.

Welby's visage, obviously.

Anonymous said...

What is the Church's position on marrying extra-terrestrials? Will the C of E publish guidelines to prevent prejudice against Daleks? For years they have been portrayed as evil creatures, hell bent on killing the Doctor as well as conquering and enslaving the universe. Clearly exterminating the populations of whole planets is simply a cultural response brought on by their disabilities and frustration at not being able to climb stairs. Years of hostility have led to Daleks being shunned by the populations of the multiverses, leading to isolation and in turn reinforced negative stereotypes about Daleks. Daleks come in every possible colour. Implying that all Dalek are the same, simply panders to Dalekphobia. Say now and say it proud “Exterminate! Exterminate!” and “You will obey”.

LSP said...

Interesting point of view, anonymous. Some people think that Welby himself is a Grey Dalek.

LL said...

It reminds me of this piece by Shelly:

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."

LSP said...

But LL, you missed out the last bit:

"The lone and level sands stretch far away, from Welby."

All hail Shelly.