Is This The Face Of The Church Of England?

Startling new evidence suggests that the face of the Church of England has been found, in an underground cave in Utah.

The Face was discovered by avid cavers, Kevin Tittington and Colin Wetmore, who stumbled across a hidden cavern in Utah's famous Devil's Gorge. 

Finding a stone box wrapped in bark, the subterranean adventurers were amazed to see that it contained gold plates, covered in mysterious symbols and the outline of a bishop figure.

"It was clearly the face of the Church of England," stated Tittington, "Just look at the image. Pointed hat, mysterious symbols, we think it's a 'mission statement' and it has a staff thing. It looks a lot like a bishop figure."

However, the Face isn't the only artifact found in Devil's Gorge. The cavers also discovered two stone sarcophagi, one containing the mummified body of a woman and the other of a man. Wetmore claims this is evidence of the Church of England's "two integrities."

Artist's impression

"It was really amazing," said Wetmore, "Two desiccated mummies, of a man and a woman, buried alongside the Face of the Church of England. It is clearly evidence of two integrities."

Artist's impression

When asked if the symbols on the Church of England's metal plates were a form of "creed," Wetmore was ambiguous, "I don't know, it may be a creed but they're indecipherable, no one can work them out."

Others disagree.  According to one paranormal expert, "The whole thing's a fraud, it's just a hoax. It doesn't even look that much like a bishop. No one's actually seen the so-called 'two integrities.' They're a figment of Tittington and Wetmore's imagination."

Face or Fraud?

You decide,

LSP

Diocese Of Southwark Caught On Camera!

Disturbing footage shows what appears to be the Diocese of Southwark, terrorizing a toddler in a kitchen in Argentina.

The video shows baby Benjamin talking to himself, when the Diocese of Southwark appears out of thin air and scampers across the kitchen floor before escaping into the garden.

The toddler's mother, Silvia, started filming when she saw her son becoming nervous and at first didn't believe her eyes.

"I thought it was some kind of rodent, maybe a goblin; I was shocked when I realized it was the Diocese of Southwark. After running across the kitchen floor it disappeared into the garden, leaving a nauseating smell."

However, not all are convinced. "It's clearly a small goblin," stated one expert, "The Diocese of Southwark has been firmly located in Brewer's Cave, Utah. This is something else, possibly the Diocese of Los Angeles or Kentucky."

Has the Diocese of Southwark been captured on film, in an Argentinian kitchen?

You, the reader, be the judge,

LSP

Star Spangled Banner Slavers

Everyone's obeying their new spiritual master, George Clooney, and kneeling during the Star Spangled Banner because it's so very racist. They've forgotten, in their virtue signaling, concussed genius that the anthem in question originally featured our victory over turban headed, slave-owning Moslems. 

Here's George Rutler, writing for Crisis:

Over fourteen centuries, roughly 200 million slaves, white and black, were sold by Muslim traders, and almost all the Africans sold to European traders for export to America were enslaved by Muslims. Muslim slavers sought markets during their European invasions, and even raided west County Cork in Ireland, capturing 107 Irish and English villagers from a place called, coincidentally, Baltimore on June 20, 1631 and consigning them to perpetual slavery in North Africa. So many Eastern Europeans were enslaved that the word “slave” itself comes from “Slav.” While lip service is given to abolition in Islamic lands, slavery today in the forms of bondage, forced labor, human trafficking and servile marriage, is blatant in Sudan, Niger, Gambia Benin, the Ivory Coast and Senegal. A quarter of the 3.8 million Mauritanians, a Suffi Islam state, are slaves. Slavery was not abolished at least nominally in Saudi Arabia and Yemen until 1962 under Western pressure principally from Britain. Actual slavery is common in Hinduism as well, and India has the most slaves among nations: some 18 million, more than the population of the Netherlands.

Where is the indignation of protestors here? Indignation is selective.

A Typical Millionaire Socialist

Ain't it just. 

Celebrity socialist multi-millionaire actor, George Clooney, is married to a Muslim, curiously.

Kizmet,

LSP

 

George Clooney Man Of Prayer

Multi-millionaire socialist celebrity actor, George Clooney, has got religion. Well, kind of. The mega-wealthy superstar leftist has written a prayer endorsing other tremendously rich socialists who "take the knee" when the national anthem's played. Millionaire socialists like the Dallas Cowboys. 

Here's Clooney's moving prayer.

I pray for my country.

I pray that we can find more that unites us than divides us.

I pray that our nation’s leaders want to do the same.

I pray that young children like Tamir Rice can feel safe in their own neighborhood.

I pray for all of our children.

I pray for our police and our first responders.

I pray for our men and women of the armed services.

I pray that dissent will always be protected in this great country.

I pray for a more perfect union.

And when I pray, I kneel.

How touching, When I pray, I kneel. So all our rich-beyond-your-wildest-dreams socialist ballers are praying when they refuse to stand for the national anthem? Really? 

Like they're asking forgiveness  from God for beating their wives, hospitalizing cops and getting off-the-hook on the wrong side of the Dallas tollway? 

No, they're praying to the Race God. But as you ponder that, consider this. Does anyone remember the firestorm of outrage that erupted from celebrities when Tim Tebow had the temerity to kneel and pray on the field?

Apparently Clooney and the rest of Genius Patrol have forgotten that. But, to be fair, Tebow was praying to a different deity.

In Nomine,

LSP

Ball Joint Apocalypse

While everyone else was busy "taking the knee" or burning NFL logos, I was taking the rig to the shop. You see, the front suspension was sounding rough and creaky.

Where was the creak coming from? Sure, somewhere at the front but where exactly; hard to tell. I rocked the stationary leviathan back and forth, trying to pinpoint the apocalyptic creak. Like a hot coal falling from a smoking thurible, it seemed to be coming from behind the wheels.

Underneath an F150

So I climbed under the thing and had a look, all the while pushing up on the Beast to provoke the eschatological creak. Was it the shocks, tie rods, sway bar or ball joints? 

Not The Problem But Change Out The Ancient Shocks Anyway

With a sinking feeling that the end of the world was near, I figured it was probably the ball joints. But, hope against hope, I sprayed lithium grease and WD40 over everything, all on the off-chance that a miracle would occur and lube would magically cure the hideous creak.

 Note The Eschatological Bottom Ball Joint

It didn't, no more than words like "millionaire socialist hypocrite" would cure the concussed minds of our nation's baller geniuses. That's because Ford, in its wisdom, doesn't build grease inlets into F150 ball joints. You can spray all the lube you want and it's not going to grease up the interior of the joints, which dry out and die.

Brazen

I know, you'll scorn me for not attempting the job myself but I took the rig to the Shop of The Brazen Pineapple that rests upon the Seven Hills of this rural haven and they quoted me $700, mostly labor.

Genius Patrol

The moral of this end-times tale of country life in Texas is simple. Built-in obsolescence is evil, and learn how to replace your ball joints or pay the price.

Here endeth the lesson.

LSP

Baller Genius

Obviously Clever

You'll note, all three of you that follow this mind blog, that the libs have pulled out their intellectual heavyweights in the moral crusade against President Trump. That's right, "ballers."

The millionaire socialist geniuses in the balling fraternity don't like MAGA. In fact they don't like America at all, even though it pays them millions of dollars. They scorn that.

Smart Squad

But we'll resist the the temptation to profile these hypocritical delta-minus-millionaire-commie-semi-morons.

The Genius of LeBron

Readers, all four of you, gloss over the fact that LeBron James gets paid over $36 million and Colin Kaepernick has a net worth of something like $22 million. 

Maybe they hate their country because it doesn't pay them enough. Or maybe they hate it because they're so smart.

Clever As Clever Does

Smart, like Madonna and her Old Witch, Hillary.

Typical Millionaire Baller Socialists

Here's a thought. Boycott the NFL, and Madonna. As you do, reflect on the old adage, "There's nothing the millionaire socialist likes worse than being hit in the purse."

Ad Astra,

LSP

St. Andrew's Goes Satan Then Says Sorry

Historic St. Andrew's, Holborn, in the City of London hosted a satanic fashion show by Turkish designer Dilara Findikoglu.

Satan's Bride, Note Sigil

There was a Bride of Satan

Some Dude Called Violet Chachki

A bloke in a corset dressed up as a Devil Woman

No Fun Having A Satanic Sigil On Your Nose

A miserable little Devil Girl

Count Chocula

A Vampire

Mysticke

And a Red Witch.

St. Andrew's has apologized.

So that's alright then.

Leaving aside the fashion industry, occultism, devil worship and associated crime are on the rise in the UK as church attendance declines. Make of that what you will.

God bless,

LSP

LGBT Rules?

A well known equality activist sent us this infographic, and here at the Compound we feel it's only right to share it.

All the colors of the rainbow,

LSP

The Feast of St. Matthew The Apostle

Listen up, Heathen.

It's the Feast of St. Matthew the Apostle, so throw your grimoire in the trash, bin chalice, wand and sword, burn that dog-eared Tarot and say your prayers. Here's one, from the 1928 BCP:

O ALMIGHTY God, who by thy blessed Son didst call Matthew from the recipt of custom to be an Apostle and Evangelist; Grant us grace to forsake all covetous desires, and inordinate love of riches, and to follow the same thy Son Jesus Christ, who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Ghost, one God, world without end. Amen.

Saint Matthew, pray for us.

LSP

Witches Don't Like Trump

By now everyone knows that witches and occultists in general are against President Trump. They don't like him and wish that The Old Witch had become president. That's why they keep casting spells on Trump to "bind him."

Like the Oracle of Los Angeles, who told Tucker Carlson that magic "symbolic actions" were equivalent to standing for the Star-Spangled Banner or saluting the flag.

In fairness to the Oracle, both involve symbols and both produce what the esoteric Californian calls "tangible results," but one appeals directly to supernatural force and the other doesn't.

Here's an excerpt from the Binding Spell. See if you can work out who the witches are praying to:

Hear me, oh spirits
Of Water, Earth, Fire, and Air
Heavenly hosts
Demons of the infernal realms
And spirits of the ancestors

After asking the elemental spirits, angels, demons and ancestor spirits to stop the President from doing bad things, the ritual ends with a bit of creative visualization, of Trump "blowing apart into ash." Note rubrics:

(Light the small photo of Trump from the flame of the orange candle stub and hold carefully above the ashtray)
(Speak the following loudly and with increasing passion as the photo burns to ashes)

So mote it be!
So mote it be!
So mote it be!

(Blow out orange candle, visualizing Trump blowing apart into dust or ash*)

Well that's alright then, asking spirits and demons to incinerate the President. Nothing untoward about that at all, just like saluting the flag or singing the Star-Spangled Banner; another regular day in normal America. Except it's not. 

Remember, it's all a magical life coach larf until you wake up.

And a demon's gnawing on your elbow.

LSP

Battle Dog

He fell asleep very peaceably, furry head resting on paws and I wondered, how come you're so tired? Because Blue's been moonlighting as a Hollywood extra Battle Dog.

Just watch the opening scene of Gladiator and there he is, charging through the woods with the cav, ready to take out the savage Tuetons. Sorry, Germania, you've met your match.

I don't know how much the furry aggressor's been paid for his movie parts and he's not telling. 

Vocal chords are, of course, an issue.

SPQR,

LSP

Anglican Church of Canada Spotted Over Yorkshire

Two stargazers were shocked when they spotted ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada) flying high above England's famous Yorkshire Dales.

Jayson Morehead, 21, and Keith Downlow, 23, got more than they bargained for when they went camping in the Dales to "look at the stars." 

"We were looking at the stars," stated Morehead, "When it just popped up on the horizon, blinking red, purple and rainbow [sic]. Then disappeared back where it came from. I was not sure if I saw it but looked at Keith and his face was white.

"It was there one minute, then next it lit up like a bolt of lightening. It was like a flash and whoosh, it was gone. If I'd blinked I would have missed it.

"It was absolutely incredible. The stars were dots in the night sky and the Anglican Church of Canada was the size of a 5p. It was hard to judge how far away it was but it was definitely higher than the hills."

Why the diminutive ACoC was flying above the Yorkshire Dales only to suddenly disappear remains a mystery.

Fred Hiltz declined to comment.

Ad Astra,

LSP