Thursday, September 28, 2017

Is This The Face Of The Church Of England?

Startling new evidence suggests that the face of the Church of England has been found, in an underground cave in Utah.

The Face was discovered by avid cavers, Kevin Tittington and Colin Wetmore, who stumbled across a hidden cavern in Utah's famous Devil's Gorge. 

Finding a stone box wrapped in bark, the subterranean adventurers were amazed to see that it contained gold plates, covered in mysterious symbols and the outline of a bishop figure.

"It was clearly the face of the Church of England," stated Tittington, "Just look at the image. Pointed hat, mysterious symbols, we think it's a 'mission statement' and it has a staff thing. It looks a lot like a bishop figure."

However, the Face isn't the only artifact found in Devil's Gorge. The cavers also discovered two stone sarcophagi, one containing the mummified body of a woman and the other of a man. Wetmore claims this is evidence of the Church of England's "two integrities."

Artist's impression

"It was really amazing," said Wetmore, "Two desiccated mummies, of a man and a woman, buried alongside the Face of the Church of England. It is clearly evidence of two integrities."

Artist's impression

When asked if the symbols on the Church of England's metal plates were a form of "creed," Wetmore was ambiguous, "I don't know, it may be a creed but they're indecipherable, no one can work them out."

Others disagree.  According to one paranormal expert, "The whole thing's a fraud, it's just a hoax. It doesn't even look that much like a bishop. No one's actually seen the so-called 'two integrities.' They're a figment of Tittington and Wetmore's imagination."

Face or Fraud?

You decide,



LL said...

I can't decide.

However you could test the age of the mummies and come up with a number. That might help.

C of E is hopelessly lost. Maybe it's in a cave in Utah? Why not?

Mattexian said...

Cave in Utah, golden engraved plates... you sure this isn't some rehash of the Book of Mormon? Are they releasing a sequel, like Hillary's follow-up *biography*?

LSP said...

I know, it's hard to tell, LL.

Is it the CofE or just an old fraud?

The vote is out.

LSP said...

Come to think of it, Mattexian, it does seem a lot like the Book of Mormon.

CofE, Fact or Fraud?