Melania Mondays!

There's no mistaking that the anniversary of the World Trade Center atrocity is somber. But this doesn't mean that the popular series, Melania Mondays! sleeps. On the contrary.

America's First Lady paid her respects to the fallen today, wearing a basic black coat dress by Michael Kors. Did she look good? Most definitely.

But look into Melania's eyes and ask yourself, would I cross this woman? If you've just answered "Yes, I would," look again and revise your faulty opinion.

Well done, Melania, for lifting our spirits, terrifying our enemies and doing your part to Make America Great Again.

MAGA,

LSP

9/11

It's 9/11 and the flags are flying in this small Texan farming community. Of course they're always flying at the Compound but on special occasions extra flags go out, courtesy of the Town and our local militias. I like that, it seems right.

It's right, too, to remember the Saudi Arabian driven attack on the US and the subsequent never-ending war that's followed, a war in which we're seemingly incapable of naming our enemy. Would that be because we're allied to the Mecca-based opposition? Perhaps.

Shortly after the attack I was in London, in a pub, oddly enough. I was all for America unleashing on Saddam and full of righteous retribution. But a friend countered, suggesting that it might be a better solution to attack Saudi Arabia and arm the Kurds. With hindsight, good call.

Speaking of foreign policy, let's not forget Hillary. Yes, the same deceitful, spiritually dead harridan who blamed the deaths of Benghazi on a video and fell into a drunken, violent rage when she lost the election and the power she craved; what of her? Why, the answer's easy.

LOCK HER UP.

LSP

Florida Looters

As Hurricane Irma barreled down on the unfortunate state of Florida, small crews of looters took advantage of the opportunity to rob displaced citizens and businesses.

A SWAT team stopped looting at an Academy sporting store, where looters were attempting to steal firearms.

Other looters were caught on camera thieving running shoes from sportswear stores and two others were caught robbing homes in Fort  Lauderdale. 

And on; after all, it's early days yet in this developing catastrophe. But ask yourself:

Apart from a fondness for sports stores, is there a common denominator among the looters? Is there something they all have in common, apart from the desire to rob and steal brand new Nikes and firearms?

You be the judge,

LSP

Mimetic Saturday

Thanks to a noted member of the intelligence community, we're delighted to present this powerful meme.

Here at the Compound we hope you find it as helpful as we do and before you go, a question. Who's going to rebuild, and with what?

Ride on,

LSP

Donald Trump, Time Traveler?

Is President Trump a time traveler, thanks to Tesla Tech which his family has kept under wraps for a generation? Research suggests that he is, due to a series of 19th century novels, featuring Barron Trump and his ally "Don."

Putin Traverses Time With Ease

In Baron Trump's Marvellous Underground Journey, the intrepid Barron, who lives in Castle Trump, makes a deal with the Russians to transport himself to "other lands." Sound familiar? Yes, because it is.

The author of the Trump novels also foretells the end of the US Presidency itself, “Mobs of vast size are organizing under the lead of anarchists and socialists, and threaten to plunder and despoil the houses of the rich who have wronged and oppressed them for so many years."

This causes the "upper portions" of the city to be "paralyzed with a nameless dread," which is partly on account of Don's consort, Malenia, a "Balkaan Beauty" who is described as "fearsome, ambitious, competent yet more glamorous than all of them. They were stricken with jealousy and died."

Interestingly, President Trump's Uncle, John Trump, was responsible for Nikola Tesla's effects when the pioneering scientist died.

Some faggy old fruit with a woman

Is Donald Trump a Time Traveler, thanks to Tesla Tech? And is it enough to drain the swamp? You, the reader, be the judge.

TL = mc^2,

LSP

Cooking With LSP -- Bringing Home The Bacon

"What?!? You cook with LSP?" you snort indignantly, "That''s the stupidest thing I've ever heard and quite possibly dangerous." Not so fast, punters. Sure, cooking with LSP can be dangerous but nothing ventured, nothing gained. To prove that, I brought home the bacon.

That's right, bacon, and jalapeno peppers and Philadelphia cream cheese. Don't settle for less kids and note, this is a bare minimum, you're supposed to have dove breasts from the birds you've shot that very day.

Well, I didn't have any dove because I've been babysitting an aspiring Cadet, but whoever said life'd be easy? No one. So make do and get those poppers going. 

It's not hard, slice the peppers in half, scoop out the seeds, fill with cream cheese, wrap with bacon and skewer with a toothpick. Perhaps your toothpicks are anodized titanium, very tactical. Or maybe they're wood, whatever, your call.

Then throw those bad boys in the oven for around 20 minutes until the bacon is right. You'll know by the aroma and the sight of the rashers reaching sizzling perfection. Don't overcook, don't undercook. You'll know when it's right.

Next step? Pull those perfect poppers out of the oven and behold the awesomness of bacon wrapped around the cream cheese filled morsels and count yourself a lucky man. And then?

Eat your scoff like a warrior. And that's cooking with...

LSP

Hillary's Famous Win

Perhaps it seems as though there's a lot of serious business going on right about now. Like nuke war with the Norks, Wolf Blitzer's sorry resemblance to a Furbie and whatever else.

So take a load off, pour a glass of the right stuff and remember, Hillary was going to win.

LOCK HER UP.

LSP

Paint Your House

I like older houses. They tend to have better proportions, higher ceilings, more space and sturdier construction. To me at least, they look better and are better than their modern equivalents but in Texas, an older house often means a wooden house. 

That means a painted house which has to repainted when the old paint's had its day. If you don't, the place is going to fall apart. To avoid this fate, we contracted a painting crew.

This needs painting

They started off boldly, painting the interior of one of the mission churches and even got so far as the main door to the templo. It looked good, well done, Lupe and the Gang. Then they stopped. "What's happened to the painters?" I asked. No one knew, they weren't on the job and fortunately hadn't been paid. They mysteriously returned, after a month or so, and did a bit more work. And then disappeared, no one knew where.

Look! A Can of Paint!

This went on for months, with vague promises of a return to work while I gazed at the peeling paint of the house. Perhaps they'd come back and finish the job when the house had fallen down. "Sorry, Lupe, the house is no mas."

Then, as if by magic, they came back and they're working on the church now. In fact, they've been on the job for two whole days. Remarkable, call me a dreamer but the house may get its of coat paint yet; I look forward to the day.

A typical Front Office in need of paint

This fascinating tale is filed under Country Life in Texas, or would that be Tejas?

Remember the Alamo,

LSP

Melania Mondays!

What better way to celebrate Labor Day than with another installment of Melania Mondays! And America's glamorous and popular First Lady hasn't been idle, far from it.

Melania, who is a devout catholic, went ecumenical today at St. John's, DC, praying for the victims of Hurricane Harvey and the city of Houston. News reports stated that she looked "stunning" in a pink dress and her signature high heels.

High heels were on display in storm-rocked Houston too, which Melania visited twice, uplifting everyone's spirits and working hard to bring comfort and support to the needy. And of course she greeted the country on Labor Day, looking good in Mary Katrantzou.

Some unattractive people have criticized the stylish former model for wearing Manolo Blahniks to a disaster zone and a made-in-Italy dress on Labor Day. Look, jealousy'll get you nowhere.

Well done, Melania, as ever, for doing your part to make America great again. Happy Labor Day!

MAGA,

LSP

Man Abducted By Diocese Of Perth!

An Australian man has come forward claiming he was attacked and abducted by the Archdiocese of Perth. What's more, the Down Under abductee says he can prove it, thanks to satellite imagery.

The alien kidnap victim, Kevin Mooner, alleges that he attempted to punch the Archdiocese of Perth before he was taken aboard the space creature's Mother Ship. 

"The satellite image clearly shows me trying to fight off the Archdiocese of Perth by punching it in the face.

"The satellite has captured a real alien abduction taking place. The shocking thing about this was that it's me being abducted by a grey alien and the satellite image clearly shows me trying to fight off the grey alien by punching it in the face."

However, skeptics say Mooner's abduction story is untrue. "Everyone has a story to tell about being abducted by the Anglican Church of Australia," stated one expert, "But this is fantasy. These people see this stuff online and copy each other."

The Archdiocese of Perth declined to comment.

Ad Astra,

LSP

American Spirit

There's a lot of  bad news coming out of Houston and a lot of good news (click unmute if there's no sound on the infovideo), how people are pulling together and showing American spirit instead of the risible and destructive identity politics that's been in the air recently. 

America's intrinsically racist, fascist and wicked, say the haters as they run in horror from statues of Columbus into the nearest rainbow transutopia safe space. Or throw bottles of urine and feces at police.

Imagine their dismay, their boiling rage at the spectacle of whites, blacks and latinos rescuing one another from the flood. Not so good for the narrative, sorry, lie, and then there's shotgun man, protecting a strip from dindu looters. 

He's black and... and... and he stands for the law, in his own words, for what's right. I count him with the good guys and devil take the hindmost.

With that in mind, when the rule of law is down it doesn't hurt to be harmed.

Ride on,

LSP

Texas Runs Out Of Gas!

"I'm here, at the end of the world, in a gas line," texted my philisophical pal, GWB. It seemed that gasoline and water were in short supply because of panic buying. To put it bluntly, there was no more gasoline in Dallas.

"It's OK here," I replied, "We're prepared in the country." But not so fast, LSP. On the way back from evening Mass I thought I'd fill up the tank and discovered that all the filling stations in town had run out of their prime commodity. Except two; I chose the one with the shortest line.

A Gas Shortage Dog

Ten minutes later the rig was full and ready to go and I shot off a text to my Wittgensteinian ally, "I have gas, guns, ammo, water, food, axes, knives and wine. Bring. It. On." He was impressed and took a pause from critiquing Bertrand Russell's miserable numbers theory, "You're ready to rock. I have a water filter." 

Hunh, he had me there. What happens when the water's gone and you need to purify what's coming out of the Brazos or the toxic Trinity? That's when the filter comes in handy.

No Gas

Seriously, this incident of panic buying that's created a shortage when there wasn't a shortage makes you wonder what things would be like in a real emergency. Nasty, I'll warrant.

In related news, a banana peel was discovered in a tree at Ole Miss, causing the college to go into a paroxysm of self-recrimination at the sheer racist atrocity of it all. 

But hold on, why should a banana peel in a tree be racist?

You do the math,

LSP