Man Abducted By Diocese Of Perth!

An Australian man has come forward claiming he was attacked and abducted by the Archdiocese of Perth. What's more, the Down Under abductee says he can prove it, thanks to satellite imagery.

The alien kidnap victim, Kevin Mooner, alleges that he attempted to punch the Archdiocese of Perth before he was taken aboard the space creature's Mother Ship. 

"The satellite image clearly shows me trying to fight off the Archdiocese of Perth by punching it in the face.

"The satellite has captured a real alien abduction taking place. The shocking thing about this was that it's me being abducted by a grey alien and the satellite image clearly shows me trying to fight off the grey alien by punching it in the face."

However, skeptics say Mooner's abduction story is untrue. "Everyone has a story to tell about being abducted by the Anglican Church of Australia," stated one expert, "But this is fantasy. These people see this stuff online and copy each other."

The Archdiocese of Perth declined to comment.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Trans Down Under

What happens when you define truth and reality out of existence by saying it's whatever you want it to be? You get taken over by rainbow ponies and unicorns, that's what happens and Anglican clergypersons are no exception to the rule. 

Here's the Rev. Dr. Jonathan Inkpin, who recently rode the rainbow all the way down under.

Better late than never? Today I am coming out fully as a transgender person... For my coming out has profound spiritual dimensions for me which I believe are sources of healing, strength and renewal for us all. Like my little grandchild cradled in my arms in the photograph (see left) I feel more intimately part of God's 'new creation', a little child cradled in the love of God.

Pretty moving, eh? There's more, in a letter to fellow clergy dated curiously to the Feast of St. Mary Magdalene. In it, "Jo" explains that he's always been a transsexual suffering from "gender dysphoria" and is set to receive "pyschotherapy, hormonal treatments and/or various surgeries." 

These might cause:

increasing physical changes to my face and body, and to other aspects such as voice. I want to reassure you that I will still be the person you have worked with and known.

I will still be the person you have worked with and known. Well that's just it, isn't it. Either you are or you aren't, Jo, and the last time anyone checked you were a man, which is what you'll continue to be, despite chemical and surgical alteration. 

Sadly, for Inkpin and other transsexuals, the surgeon's knife and a battery of pharma can't close the deal, leaving its subject a hybrid at best and a blasphemous parody at worst. 

In either case, that nasty sense of dysphoria isn't likely to go away. But maybe pronouns will help, Inkpin closes with:

Henceforth I ask therefore that you call me Josephine, or Jo, and use female pronouns (she, her) when referring to me. I know this will take a little time to get used to, and I know that mistakes will happen at first. All I ask is that we respect with respect and care for each other as we continue to share God’s journey together.

At least it wasn't ze and zhir but still, calling yourself she and her won't make you a woman any more than forcing people to call you Dash is going to turn you into a beautiful rainbow pony or an adorable unicorn.

Unless you're a clergyperson in the Anglican Church of Australia. That's different.

Ride the Rainbow,

LSP