Archbishop of Canterbury's Head Found on Mars!

Thanks to star-gazing Google sleuths, the Archbishop of Canterbury's head may have been found, on Mars!

High Cranium, Pointed Chin

The whereabouts of Archbishop Justin Welby's head has baffled experts since Anglicanism's top leader visited Kenya last year, but now the mystery of the missing head could be at an end. After searching through hundreds of high-resolution photos taken by NASA's Mars Rover, amateur Ufologists believe they have spotted Welby's head.

Mars Rock Or Archbishop's Head?

Taken from NASA's website, photos show a head with a high domelike cranium and a pointed chin, half-buried in drifting sand. Said one expert, "The picture shows a very long skull with an elongated forehead as compared to the jaw, which indicates high intelligence." This might link the skull to Welby, who is famous for his sharp negotiating skills and the superhuman intellectual ability to hold entirely opposing points of view at any one time.

Others aren't convinced. "It's just a rock that looks a lot like Justin Welby's missing head," said one skeptic.

Has Welby's head been found, at last? You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

Church of England Schools Get Gay

Thanks to a bold life-partnership between gay rights pressure group, Stonewall, and the Church of England (COE), tough new guidelines are being sent to church schools, forbidding anti-gay discrimination.

How Very Triple Gay

The 72 page report forbids COE pupils from using the word "gay" in a derogatory manner. Students will no longer be able to make homophobic statements like, "Your fish miter is really gay," or, "Plundering African oil and then becoming an Archbishop is so gay, Justin." 

Saying that women bishops are "gay" will also be forbidden, as will discriminatory comments about England being run by an elitist "pink mafia" of privileged Old Etonians.

Women Bishops Aren't Gay

Instead, Church of England schoolchildren will be taught to "revere" and "honour" the hundreds and thousands, perhaps many millions, of oppressed Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual and Transgendered (LGBT) pupils who labour under the harsh yoke of intolerance and oppression. 

Stonewall Jackson

You can read all about it here and don't make the bad mistake of confusing "Stonewall" with the real one, who was a hero.

Cheers,

LSP

Episcopal Divinity School, Satan's Seminary

I've been criticized by some readers for pointing out that Harvard, America's massively wealthy "Kremlin on the Charles," is Satan's Vatican. "Don't waste time on that, LSP!" they say, "have a go at the Episcopal Divinity School (EDS)."

Abortion is a Blessing Ragsdale, on Right with Wife

As most people know, EDS is Satan's Seminary. Situated just a few blocks away from Harvard, the Episcopal Divinity School is led by its famous married lesbian Dean, Katherine Ragsdale. Ragsdale, like the Episcopal Church (TEC) is a strong believer in abortion and thinks it a "blessing." In her own words:

Let me hear you say it: abortion is a blessing and our work is not done. Abortion is a blessing and our work is not done. Abortion is a blessing and our work is not done.

And just in case you wonder what she really thinks:

I want to thank all of you who protect this blessing – who do this work every day: the health care providers, doctors, nurses, technicians, receptionists, who put your lives on the line to care for others (you are heroes — in my eyes, you are saints); the escorts and the activists; the lobbyists and the clinic defenders; all of you. You’re engaged in holy work.

Abortion is a Sacrament Carter Heyward, Far Right

All good infernal stuff, but what does EDS think about Jesus? Rev. Patrick Cheng, Associate Professor of Historical and Systematic Theology at Satan's Seminary, enlightens us:

In From Sin to Amazing Grace, I propose seven models of the Queer Christ: the Erotic Christ, the Out Christ, the Liberator Christ, the Transgressive Christ, the Self-Loving Christ, the Interconnected Christ, and the Hybrid Christ.

The Hybrid Christ? Who knew. Then there's everyone's favorite priestess, Carter Heyward, who used to teach at EDS. She's on the record as stating that abortion's a "sacrament." A sacrament of what, Moloch?

Rich Devil Hybrid Witch

Satan's Seminary had to sell a chunk of its property a few years back because of tanking enrollment. It's now comfortably endowed with over $70 million.

All well and good, but remember, it's harder for a rich Devil Hybrid to enter the Kingdom of Heaven than an Austin hippy to take a bath.

LSP

Happy Mother's Day

Respect and love your Mothers, not least the BVM.

God bless,

LSP

Rabbit Hunt

Emboldened by success against the Aoudads, GWB came by for a rabbit hunt and sure enough, before you can say the Episcopal Divinity School is a conventicle of Satan, we were on the trail of cotton tails.

Clanking Spear & Some Clays

The plan was simple. Scout through VS's 10 acre back pasture and flush the bunnies from piles of brush. I got the first shot, as a rabbit streaked like a furry Exocet across my front. I missed, annoyingly; still, excitement was up and before long GWB was able to use his 20 gauge Franchi to good effect. One rabbit down.

Turkeys, Don't Vote For Christmas

I fired at a leaping shadow as dusk was falling, perhaps it was a ghost. My Wittgensteinian ally connected with a final bunny, well done. 

Rabbit For The Pot

As VS's husband said, looking at the two rabbits on the tailgate, "LSP, he smoked ya!"

I won't argue with that. 

A Good night was had by all.

LSP

Harvard, Satan's Vatican

Long known as Satan's Vatican, though massively more wealthy than the one in Rome, Harvard is hosting a Black Mass, or at least its Extension Cultural Studies Club is. This blasphemous parody of the Eucharist is set to take place on Monday, at Memorial Hall.

Typical Harvard Students and Professor

But don't worry, Christians, the devil-worshiping ritual that will be performed by the Satanic Temple of New York, isn't being held in order to scorn your faith but as an exercise in historical comparative religion. It's not really an act of worship but, well, you know, super-realistic performance art. Its promoters had this to say:

Our purpose is not to denigrate any religion or faith, which would be repugnant to our educational purposes, but instead to learn and experience the history of different cultural practices. This performance is part of a larger effort to explore religious facets that continue to influence contemporary culture.

It's just a performance. So that's alright then. A performance in which Christ and the Sacrament of the Altar are mocked and despised, all the while being watched over by the privileged leftist elite of what McCarthy called the "Kremlin on the Charles."

Harvard at Prayer

I'll leave you to consider if that's truly diabolic or not, but imagine the outrage that would roil the hallowed hall of academe if a similar performance was held against, say, feminist gender identity politics, or the prophet Mohammed.

Harvard Liberal Arts

The real Vatican's endowment stands at $1 billion and its annual budget at $300 million. Harvard, which is the Devil's Vatican, is endowed to the whopping tune of $30.7 billion and boasts a hefty budget of $3.7 billion.

Cheers,

LSP

Stormfront

It was just another day in Texas until the clouds rolled in, the air turned green, and thunder broke out like the guns of Kursk.

Rare Paved Road, Still Holding

Deluge followed, overwhelming this town's barely functional drainage system, turning potholed, half-paved streets into torrents of churning, muddy water. 

Typical Pre-Storm House.

Homes have been washed away, leaving their occupants to wander, dazed, through the trash-strewn wake of the flood, as looters pick their way through ripped Walmart bags and broken children's toys. 

Emergency Vehicle Park

The church still stands, a testament to the power of brick. So does the Compound.

We will survive this storm, as always, by the grace of God.

LSP

Horse!

For a horseman you sure don't seem to go riding very much, I thought grimly to myself, as I watched the sun rise over the Compound and the dawn chorus of crazed peacocks, roosters, bleating goats and growling pit bulls.

To set that right I headed off to J&P's ranch, not far from Slap Out. Slap Out's called "Slap Out" because the store there was always "slap out" of stuff to buy. I'd say that was still pretty much true, but J&P weren't out of horses.

Hobo

They had a barn full of Foundation Quarter Horses, including a mare sired by Dash For Cash, though I forget the various bloodlines, and a gelding, Lone Star Hobo. Good looking animals and I was hoping to ride Hobo, but his feet had been trimmed and couldn't be ridden.

One Clanking Spear And A Shotgun

I'll go back in a couple of weeks to try out Hobo and here's the thing. J feels he has to give his horses away, but they're a part of his life; that means he has to keep some. Solution? I get to ride the "some" left over, including Hobo.

Walk, trot, canter, gallop, RUN!

LSP

Gene Robinson Divorces, We Say Farewell

You whined, you cried, you cajoled, all the way, OMG, to the White House itself, until you had turned the church into a sexual pretzel. #Privilege

Some said you were like Gef, Great Britain's most famous talking mongoose, who claimed to be clever, the ghost of a weasel, a spirit, the eighth Wonder of the World; who could split the atom and produced a flow of swearing and strange boastful, ludicrous and blasphemous talk, and on one occasion claimed to be the Holy Ghost himself.

But it is over, now. Gene Robinson, the most famous gay bishop the world has ever seen, and perhaps will ever see, has decided to divorce his husband. 

The sun has set, Bishop Robinson, on your blockbuster movie, Love Free or Die. 

We say farewell, Gene, but you get ten out of ten coveted Alien Head Awards.

LSP

10X

Another Good Sunday

A crazed peacock was sounding off in the neighbor's backyard, roosters were crowing, goats were making the noise they do and it wasn't easy to collect my thoughts over the racket. But it was a good racket. "This place is turning into some kind of petting zoo," I thought, reflecting on the day's Gospel in which the risen Christ reveals Himself along the road to Emmaus and its terminus. He did so in Word and Sacrament; He does so today and therein lies the solution to Peter's cry, "Save yourselves from this crooked generation."

What a Disaster

Speaking of crooked, Gene Robinson, the most famous gay bishop in the world, ever, has divorced his not-so-life-partner, Mark. Hunh.

More seriously, LL is writing a series of "shorts", mostly fictional. But this one isn't; he calls it Hungry, I call it Let Them Eat Snake (sorry LL) and it starts like this:

It's impossible to communicate the nature of physical exhaustion to those who have not experienced it. There were three of us...

Do yourself a favor and read the whole thing here (it's short) and stay tuned for Solstice in Austin.

I Want This Building

That aside, the Missions were on good form, marked by fervency and reverence, not just for guns and horses, but also for Christ in the revealed Word and the Sacrament of the Altar. I always leave the Mass uplifted, here in the Missions; I tell you, I did so especially today.

God bless,

LSP

Nashotah Nasty

Trad Anglicans will be aware that Bishop Ed Salmon invited the Episcopal Church's (TEC) leaderene, Jefferts Schori, to preach at Nashotah House seminary. Nashotah House has stood for traditional, orthodox, Anglo-Catholic Christianity. Jefferts Schori stands aggressively for its opposite, to the extent of using some $40 million of church funds to sue conservative minded Anglicans for daring to break away from the gender diversity cult that has become TEC.

Criminal

So you can imagine the turmoil that Salmon's invitation caused among the seminary's conservative Trustees; Bishop Iker and Bishop Wantland, for example, resigned. Undaunted, Salmon persisted in the invite and sure enough, Jefferts Schori arrived at Nashotah this week and preached at Evensong.

Some call this a triumph of something called the "Pax Nashotah", which seems to consist of everyone just agreeing to get along, even though the one side is actively attacking the other, at law, to say nothing of faith and morals.

Deluded

Nashotah's Dean of Academic Affairs, Rev. Steven Peay, had this to say about Jefferts Schori's visit: "The idea that no matter where you come from, we are all one in Christ, and that's all that matters."

Nashotah House

Right on, Peay, have a good long pull on the corporatist Kool-Aid, but the problem is we're not "all one in Christ."  That's why Jefferts Schori is suing us; how can there be some kind of "Pax" with that? There can't and to attempt to live with it amounts, in the end, to capitulation to it. The two sides cannot co-exist. One is Christian, the other isn't.

It seems that Ed Salmon and what was once an orthodox seminary have opted for the side that isn't.

Bad Call.

LSP

Rural Ministry, Wooden Top Subpoenaed

Spot the Peacock

As I said Morning Prayer (1928 BCP thank you very much) I noticed a weird antiphonal noise coming from my neighbor's back yard. It sounded like a loud kazoo followed by a raucous "caw" and this went on for many minutes. Having a mind like a steel trap, I wondered if someone was taunting a rooster, with a kazoo. Hey, stranger things have happened. But no, there wasn't a kazoo and it wasn't a rooster, it was a peacock. 

VCC's Place

Curiosity satisfied, I drove off to visit a churchman, VCC. Years ago he chased off a crew of motorcycle hippies who were swimming in his stock tank. A shotgun was involved, which goes to show the wisdom of LL's advice, "Hanging around freaks when you're unarmed is ill advised." The hippies fled, probably back to their base in Austin.

Itasca

VCC's a good man and used to serve as a Crew Chief in an experimental Australian/U.S. helicopter unit in Vietnam, the "EMUs". After visiting, I went to Karen's in Itasca for breakfast burritos. Tasty as you like, is my verdict.

Karen's Authentic Mexican Food

In other news, you may have noticed that our errant android, Wooden Top, has been subpoenaed. Wooden Top is the U.S. Secretary of State, remarkably, and will now have to testify before a Congressional panel concerning the Government's role in the scandal that just won't go away -- Benghazi. Wooden Top has been told by Issa that the subpoena is "not a game." Let's hope so.

It's Not A Game, Wooden Top

More on the antics of America's rogue replicant later.

LSP