Obama World Peace Solution

In a desperate bid to bring about an end to war and quell turbulent unrest in its own backyard, America's top-level Messiah Class Obama 'droid launched a bold new peace initiative in an ornate Kansas theater.

Teeth 3000

Speaking to a disappointingly small crowd of 1,500 admirers, the Messiah 'droid urged radical non-aggression. "Stop being mad all the time. Stop, stop, stop just hatin’ all the time," said the deep-thinking hi-tech replicant to raucous cheering and applause.

Observers of the U.S. government's attempt to cut costs and improve efficiency by deploying robot technology are divided. Some believe that there is a clear AI hierarchy, with the Messiah 'droid leading lesser robots, such as the Teeth 3000, the Witch and Woodentop. 

The Witch

Others aren't so sure, with one pundit stating, "Barack=Hillary=Kerry in leadership, charisma, integrity and capability to be Leader of the Free World."

Whatever the case, Republicans have voted to sue the Messiah 'droid for abusing its DAARPA designated Executive Power. It appears that the Obama peace initiative has arrived dead in the water, as doomed as Woodentop's disastrous Gaza ceasefire proposal and the Witch's defense of the Hamas terror group.

Woodentop

Is there an AI hierarchy? Or are all the 'droids equally malfunctioning?

LSP

The Witch Weighs In

Smarting from Woodentop's weekend Gaza ceasefire fiasco, the Administration deployed another state-of-the-art Foreign Policy 'droid, the Witch, in an attempt to justify its pro-Hamas stance.

Dunderhead

In an interview with Fusion T.V., the Witch explained why the terror group based its operations in hospitals, Mosques and other civilian areas. 

Deceitful

According to the former Secretary of State, it's all down to geography and demographics.

"I'm not a military planner but Hamas puts it's missiles, it's rockets in civilian areas, part of it is Gaza is pretty small and its densely populated," stated the replicant.

Rich

The Witch, who has claimed to be poor, was given a whopping $8 million book advance and is regularly paid six figures for speaking engagements. The duplicitous android shares several million dollar homes with its husband "Bill". Their net worth is estimated at $55 million by 24/7 Wall Street.

Way to go, "Hillary."

LSP

Woodentop Epic Foreign Policy Fail

You know what it's like, budgets are tight, skilled human resources thin, so you automate and put a couple of robots on the job. For the U.S., that means sending Woodentop to the Middle East to broker a ceasefire between Israel and Hamas. Good idea, right? No, bad idea, because our DAARPA designed SECSTATE 'bot doesn't work right. Due to a programming glitch, it seems that Woodentop forgot about Hamas' terror tunnels in its peace proposal.

Amateurish

Unsurprisingly, Israel mocked Woodentop's next to useless performance. According to the Times of Israel, “Leaked comments from unnamed senior government sources to Army Radio, Channel 2 and other Hebrew outlets have described the secretary as amateurish, incompetent, incapable of understanding the material he is dealing with – in short, a blithering fool.”

Incompetent

Others were more scathing, accusing the inept 'droid of being a space alien. "It's as if he isn't the foreign minister of the world's most powerful nation, but an alien, who just disembarked his spaceship in the Mideast," wrote Barack Ravid, for the left-leaning Haaretz newspaper.

Failed

What next? In the words of one commentator, "Go back to Beacon Hill, Woodentop. Jackass." We can only hope.

John Kerry, even though you are an android replicant, you get a sturdy10 Alien Head Awards.

LSP

x10

The Episcopal Church Loses in Quincy

As everyone knows, the Episcopal Church (TEC) is like the infamous Hotel California; you can check in but you can't check out. At least that's what TEC attorneys have been telling trial courts in those parts of America where traditionalist Anglicans have broken away from the litigious grip of the small but wealthy denomination.

I want your property and your money!

Today the Hotel California Offense was dealt a serious blow by an Appellate Court in Illinois, which ruled against the Episcopal Church and in favor of the Diocese of Quincy. According to Judge Orbtal, the Diocese was free to leave the Episcopal Church with its assets intact because its property was not held in trust for the Church. Also, the Episcopal Church's Constitution and Canons do not enforce a hierarchical structure on the denomination to which courts should defer.

I want all of it! The whole thing!

You can read the ruling here.

Give it to me.

Good news for the Diocese of Quincy and its Bishop, Alberto Morales, bad news for the LGBT pressure group called TEC. Similar lawsuits are ongoing in South Carolina and Fort Worth.

Or I'll sue you.

The Episcopal Church has spent an incredible $40 million suing traditional Christians. They refer to this as "holy stewardship."

Have a blessed Feast of St. James,

LSP

Protective Edge

It's not just about shotguns and fishing for me. Sometimes I fall back to the Veranda Club in Dallas for a bit of R&R. It has a good pool with a bar you can swim up to. I like that, obviously, and I also like it when they play '70s rock music over the PA. Some guests tell me it reminds them of "Rhodie", can't think why.

IDF

Less happily, I worry and pray for my friends' kids that are fighting in Protective Edge. So far they're O.K., and I thank God for that. 

Note Suicide Donkey

I also wish the IDF total success against the Jihad savages they're fighting. Imagine, for a moment, what Tel Aviv, for example, would look like if the same crew that brought us Mosul achieves its objectives.

That must not happen.

LSP

I Went Fishing

I thought I'd step out of the mix for a couple of days, shoot some skeet, brush up on pistol and carbine skills, see if the Lee's scope was still on (it is) and do a bit of fishing. Good plan, eh? But look what happens, with apologies to LL.

Welcome to the Buffoonalia

Dobby and his Chinos decide to make wimmin bishops, (next stop gay marriage) Israel invades Gaza, ISIS savages destroy Christianity in Northern Iraq, 100,000 people are without water in Detroit and pneumatic plague fires up in Colorado. 

Killer

Meanwhile, John Woodentop Kerry wanders around the world like a malfunctioning wardroid and lest we forget, a giant sinkhole has opened up in Putin's Siberia. Some speculate that the Archbishop of Canterbury is using this as an underground HQ to direct operations to further destroy what's left of his deadending church. Others claim the hole's caused by the explosion of ice, hot gas and space aliens. As in, "Church of England."

Killer

Whatever, I went fishing today on lake Whitney and deployed plastics, rooster tails, Twizzlers(!) and spoons. A couple of bites, no strikes and a lot of fun standing on the Limestone bluffs watching the world go by.

Christians, Rise Up

That included cliff jumpers, who were mostly men. Backflip off cliff. Thump Splash! "Dude, like an awesome bomb and a dive. Bombdive! Unh hunh." 

I saluted them with my rods. Fellow cliffmen.

Pray for the Christians of Mosul and the Middle East.

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury Leaves Club For Siberian Sinkhole?

Speculation is building that the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, is using a mysterious sinkhole in Siberia as an underground HQ, after he announced plans to resign from the exclusive Traveller's Club in London.

Traveller's

For years, Welby, who is popularly known as "Dobby", used the Traveller's Club in London's swanky Pall Mall as a base. However, the prestigious club voted against allowing women to become members, which is at odds with the Archbishop's enthusiastic endorsement of women bishops. According to Lambeth Palace, "He can't remember the vote, which is usually done via correspondence, but would have voted for the inclusion of women."

Not Traveller's

As Welby signaled his intention to leave the smart London club, an anomalous 262' deep sinkhole appeared in Siberia, revealing a path to the earth's unexplored interior. A team of Russian scientists is investigating the bizarre hole and believe it may have been caused by an explosion of ice and methane, brought on by Global Warming. 

Dobby's Chinos

"Global warming may have caused an 'alarming' melt in the under-soil ice, released gas and causing an effect like the popping of a Champagne bottle cork, Ms Kurchatova suggests," stated one expert.

Priestesses

Champagne corks were popping as the CofE voted for women bishops, coinciding with the appearance of the sinkhole.

Siberia

Unlike Welby's new underground Siberian base, the Traveller's Club remains opposed to women members. “Pretty, elegant and interesting women would have no interest in joining our club,” said one member.

I like the Traveller's.

LSP

Out Fishing

We set out in search of fish.

Get on the Bass!

A youngster caught one and shot a snake. Well done JH!

Testing...

I skillfully product tested a variety of lures. Sure enough, they all worked pretty well against pond weed...

Thanks RS, for a great afternoon.

Fish on,

LSP

White Flyer

One of the things I like to do is say Evening Prayer and then go off to shoot some skeet. I find it clears the mind and it's just a whole lot of fun, especially when you remember to aim and the enemy disintegrates under a withering hail of shot. 

Weber

With that in mind, we knocked the adversary out of the sky like good 'uns and fell back to the compound for some Weber action.

Dobby

Result, unlike Justin "Dobby" Welby, who isn't.

LSP

Church of England Gets Women bishops, ISIS Laughs

ISIS Jihadis everywhere are rejoicing as the Church of England, known to many as "Old Mother Damnable," has voted to make women bishops. While ISIS laughs, the CofE is thinking that this will make them popular and relevant, as opposed to dead and tanking. 

Jubilee!

America and Canada have had great success with this winning strategy. That's why they're making law suits converts hand over fist.

Goofing Off

So well done, CofE Now you will have women bishops because anything else is discriminatory, unjust and oppressive, in a patriarchal way. What does that make the Apostles, or Christ? Not much, obviously. But they don't care, it's not about Him anyway.

Dobby

Except that it is and mark this well; go against the Holy Spirit and you will be relentlessly destroyed by the same Spirit and yet again, the turkeys vote for Christmas.

Pew Pullers

Mind how you go,

LSP

Peace Pole Awesome

I took a risk and left Texas for a week. "Why, LSP, did you do that?" Because I had to go to a conference just outside of St. Louis, at Our Lady of the Snows Shrine, in Belleville, Illinois. It was a good event and focused, primarily, on prayer.

Peace Pole

The present Shrine was built in  the late 1960s, I think, and features a "Peace Pole." Maybe you think that Peace Poles are harmless.

Harmless?

Think again.

LSP

Dawn Chorus

Perhaps you think it's quiet and peaceful in the country, and sometimes it is. At other times it's not, like when the sun is rising, the roosters are sounding off and the local pit bulls are busy having an insane barking competition. Then there's a peacock; that's fired itself up too.

Well, whoever said life'd be easy?

God bless,

LSP

Forward in Faith U.K. Craven Sell-Outs?

Don't get me wrong, I like English Anglo-Catholicism, but why is the Vice Chairperson of Forward in Faith U.K. attending gay pride rallies?

 She was probably just "having fun" but whatever, not good PR. See Anglican Mainstream. Here's someone's take on it:

In the approach to the fateful meeting of the Church of England’s General Synod, beginning 11 July, all the signs indicate that, unlike the more numerous evangelical opponents to women bishops, ‘catholics’ will now only be offering a token resistance. Their hope appears to be a lasting, honoured place in the bosom of the liberal Establishment. But toleration will not be extended to them for long – not because of their glaring theological incoherence – today’s Church of England does not have a serious concern for theology – but because no amount of ‘gay pride’ will be able to absolve them of the unforgivable sin of ‘sex discrimination’. With no allies at home or abroad and with nowhere else to go, the forward march already begun can lead to only one destination: complete absorption.

Dobby

Of course the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, popularly known as "Dobby", would probably approve.

Cheers,

LSP

The Episcopal Church Caught on Camera!

The Episcopal Church has been allegedly caught on a hunter's game camera, chasing a deer. Grainy nighttime footage reveals a creature that appears to be the Episcopal Church, stalking through the woods in pursuit of prey.

The Episcopal Church Caught on Camera?

While some analysts believe the blurred images of the predatory Church are a hoax, others suggest that the photographs are real.

"This is actually how the camera captures moving objects," stated one paranormal expert at Strange Mysteries. The demonlike creature also has apparently useless wings, lending credence to theories that it is, in fact, the small but aggressive denomination.

The Episcopal Church's Useless Wings

According to one commentator, "What on earth would have wings like that? There's absolutely no way that the creature could achieve flight! Perhaps it's a deformed creature, or perhaps something else entirely, like the Episcopal Church. Whatever it is, it's creepy."

Litigation Crazed

Deformed creature, demon, or the litigation-crazed Episcopal Church, hunting down yet another victim?

You be the judge.

LSP