Tuesday, May 31, 2016

The Mighty Brazos Crests at 54 Feet

The Brazos river crested today at a record breaking 54 feet, leaving homes in the Houston area flooded and whole neighborhoods surrounded by a swirling dystopia of snakes and suchlike waterborne trash. 

Typical Houston Street Scene

What caused this aquatic catastrophe? Failure to pay a carbon tax to our globalist elite overlords; refusal to ride the rainbow and turn the state's schools into a rainbow-riding, trans free for all? Or maybe divine displeasure at Houston's Pink Stasi Mayor?

A Proper Little Fighter

I drove to the Brazos to find out. It was in full flood and I cast off into the torrent via the rain. Three Hybrids and one small Widemouth later, I still wasn't any closer to winning the War on Weather but I was holding my own against the fish.

Shoot The Monkey

In related news, a monkey threatened to kill a child at a zoo and was shot. Some people are calling this "murder." Those people are clearly insane.

Your Friend,



LL said...

Y'all are having a proper slug-fest with the weather these days. If you voted Democrat, Brarck and Al Gore might have gone easy on you. As it is, Donald Trump has vowed to end the war on the weather if elected, and it can go back to just being normal weather - that people talk about but can't do anything about.

Meanwhile, I'm gratified to see that the floods have not damaged the fishing.

Fredd said...

I recall two years ago, the Brazos was as dry as a bone because of the drought.

It appears the drought is over.

LSP said...

I think it's helped the fishing, LL, though the last bout of rain is threatening to flood out my fave bank spots on lake Whitney.

In the meanwhile, Houston suffers. Such is war.

LSP said...

It looks that way, Fredd, and rain's scheduled for the week. Let's hope the Dallas levees hold.

Euripides said...

The flooding is a clear response to America's failure to tax its citizens enough and to spend billions more to fight the war on weather. Obama will be presenting his next decree a week from Thursday that will fix this egregious oversight. That will be the moment when the rise of the rivers begins to slow and our planet begins to heal; that will be the moment when we end a war against gorillas and secure our nation and restore our image as the last, best hope on Earth.

LL said...

Euripides forgets to mention that in addition to free everything, Barack will deliver every American a Unicorn and a rainbow for it to fly over. All he needs is about 50% more in taxes than he gets now. That's it. No more than that - really.

LSP said...

I was moved by that, Euripides, but I have to agree with LL. Let's not forget the Rainbow Unicorns.

They're vicious little beasts, by the way.

Euripides said...

So, this headline showed up today: "Obama: Prepare to Flee Climate-Caused Hurricane Devastation."

Oh. The. Irony.

And stay away from rainbow unicorns. They'll run you through and throw your mangled carcass into the abyss.

Mattexian said...

I know God can't have sent these storms against Houston as a punishment for all their various Pride parades and such, since Mayor Porker, er, Parker, has been out of office for a few months, replaced by Sylvester "Sufferin' Succotash" Turner. He hasn't really had a blatant agenda to push yet, tho I'm sure he has one, but Quanell X and his NBP troops haven't completely quieted down yet. They were riled up here in Beaumont last week, over alleged police brutality toward some "Dindu Nuffin" at W-M.

LSP said...

I saw that, Euripides. Climate-canes.

Pretty terrifying what the weather can do, eh? And spot on about the unicorns. First they gore, then they trample and kick. Aggressive brutes.

LSP said...

Thanks for the info, Mattexian. Old Dindu's been up to his tricks, eh? Sorry to hear that.

LindaG said...

I guess they can't blame George Bush for the flooding and hurricanes any more...
People are idiots about the gorilla. The zoo was concerned because of the gorillas' size and from what I saw on the video, they had right to be.

Congratulations on catching something! We are still having fun just fishing. ;-)

Be safe and take care.

LSP said...

It's Pat Buchanan's fault, Linda, and now my favorite fishing spot's flooded out. Hunh.

Enjoy that fishing!