Lone Star Parson

Monday, August 1, 2022

In The Second Second Of Forever

All hail Bob Calvert, Space Rock Supremo:

In the sixth second of forever

I saw your mouth whispering something I could not hear

In the fifth second of forever

I thought of the vermilion deserts of Mars

The jewelled forests of Venus

In the fourth second of forever

I could remember nothing that I did not love

In the third second of forever

I thought of rain against a window, I thought of the wind

In the second second of forever

I thought of the pair of broken shades lying on the tarmac

In the first and final second of forever

I thought of the long past that had led to now

And never... never... never... never

Space Rock Forever,

LSP

Total Disaster

Saturday morning was great, the leafy glens of old Texas and all of that, no complaints whatsoever. Then disaster struck, like no kidding. The phone, that marvel of handheld computing power rings.

"Hey Dad, my car just exploded, literally exploded."
"Say again?"
"Car exploded."
"Where are you?"
"On I35 at Wintergreen. Firemen here and police."
"You OK?"
"I am, come get me, I'll text the address of the police station."
"On my way."

Off I went down I35 to the precinct at Camp Wisdom Rd. East to RV with the young soldier. He was excited because he was alive, thank God. "Hey kid, good to be picking you up from the right side of the station, eh?" He grinned and showed me photos and videos of his exploded Kia.

Dam. The thing was totaled and he was more than lucky to be alive, no kidding. Apparently he'd been driving down the nightmare expressway that is I35 when he smelled burning and then, boom, an explosive sound from the engine, the vehicle lost power and he managed to glide it onto the verge.

At that point the front of the car was on fire and after bailing out of the death trap the Signalsman retrieved his uniform, laptop and personal possessions from the flaming wreckage. Several minutes later the vehicle exploded.

Well done, boy, and I told him that the angels were most definitely working overtime. We can all imagine vastly worse scenarios. But here's the thing. He needs a new ride and has a liability insurance issue. Solution?

I upgrade to a new/used fleet One Fiddy and the kid gets the old rig. In the meanwhile, looks like another person's adding their name to the great list of people looking at suing Kia for self-igniting kill cars. Photos to follow.

Moral of the story? Be prepared, this night thy soul may be required of you. And, of course, don't buy cars which spontaneously ignite. In the meanwhile, the OctoPelosi WMD is threatening Asia. Please Lord, grant us some respite.

Your Pal,

LSP

Sunday, July 31, 2022

The Leafy Glens Of Old Texas

It's a beautiful summer Saturday morning in North Central Texas, so what do you do? What you always do, stroll down sylvan streets to the Pick 'n Steal, aka "Gas Station" for a cheap coffee refill. As you do, reflect on the trees and the generous wisdom of the people who planted them.

Good to look at? Yes, beauty's important. Allies? For sure, they turn persynkind's ancient enemy, Carbon Dioxide, into life giving Oxygen. Oh yes, our friends in the War on the Weather, but more than this, they give us shade.

Don't laugh, this is important when the sun sears down like an incinerating laser. Step into the shade of a tree and feel the drop in temperature; trees make the oven bearable, and that's partly why they planted them. Not just for good looks or their facility for hanging criminals, but as a natural cooling system.

That in mind, why did the genius patrol who run this place chop down all the trees leading up to the Square? Yes, they left the Hanging Trees standing at the courthouse but pretty much everything else had to go. Their roots messed up the sidewalk, they claimed. Chop them down.

why do you hate trees, 1st Baptist?

Net result? A sun blasted parade square of concrete on the approach to the halls of justice. Walk it at your peril. Did someone profit off the replacement of beautiful cooling trees with hideously ugly hot concrete? Surely not.

Stay Frosty,

LSP

Friday, July 29, 2022

Brothers Morale High

What's this weird rumor, that US PMC people are subcontracting to Wagner? Wild West or 18th C and then some.

Your Old Pal,

LSP

Thursday, July 28, 2022

Rivers of Texas

We had a ranch on the Red River, no more alas, but I get to fish the mighty Brazos and I love that.

All hail Texas,

LSP

BUSTED!

A Tahoe screamed around the corner, sirens wailing in the morning heat, a bust in progress but no big deal, happens. Then more sirens, this thing's escalating and I stood up in the front office, aka "porch" to see the action.

Lo and behold, Old D drives by the house, going slow in his beat up Toyota, followed by three more Tahoes full of sound and fury. "Pull over, fella," I thought to myself, "Stop blocking the road and let the cops take out the meth dealer 'round the corner."

D duly turns the corner, pulls into his driveway and bang, the posse screeches to a halt and it's Glocks out, get away from the vehicle! D does this quietly and gets taken to jail, for he was the perpetrator. But what had he done?

Gotten into a crazy verbal with someone at a fast food joint? Accused a random stranger of being in danger of hellfire at the Brookshires? Delivered an end times Alex Jones rant at Tractor Supply before running out on the store with an unpaid bag of cat food? All likely scenarios, but no, it seems his crime was failing to register his vehicle and then failing to stop when the LEO son et lumière began. D was scared and freaked out, apparently.

He's been charged with evading arrest, $5000 bail, and I like the guy. Crazy? Yes. Dangerous? No. In need of help? Most definitely, and I offered to do what I could. In the meanwhile, real, dangerous, evil criminals walk free down the marbled corridors of power, to say nothing of this town's drug dealers.

Look. A Crook

That said, couldn't the above deal have been handled differently? Especially in a place where people know each other? Well, there it is, and I file this tale of crime and punishment under Country Life in Texas.

Justice,

LSP

Wednesday, July 27, 2022

Register

One of the many benefits of the rural, bucolic Texan haven that is LSPland is that you get to look at local architecture after dropping off the rig for its yearly inspection at Tom's Tire.

Look how the wooden roof shingles on this derelict have survived. I like that, but you can imagine its price in, say, Toronto, Austin or twin city San Francisco:

note shingles

Roofing reverie over, it's a short stroll along the leafy boulevards of this Texan farming community to the old jail and court house, which was built in the 1890s and admirably protected by steel shutters. Its modern equivalent would be a windowless slab of dun colored brick, pierced by bulletproof slits. My, how we've devolved.

Jail/Courthouse

Regardless, the jail's protected by a fierce junkyard dog and has a Liberty Tree, seeded from an Ash in Eisenhower's home town. And then, before melting in the searing, ovenlike heat of a July morning, you amble over to Montes for a late breakfast.

Fierce Dog!

Montes, now "Ya-Ya's," is blissfully cool, blinded and silent, it's just too hot for extraneous noise. So you sit there checking out Russkie Telegram channels while Ya Ya brings the right stuff. Huevos Rancheros, eggs over easy on corn tortillas with their hot rancheros sauce, refried beans, fried potatoes and homemade flour tortillas. What a feast.

Breakfast Time

Then return to Tom's, pay a massive fee of $7, pick up the truck, spin over to the court house annex where they're spraying the doors with disinfectant because science and register your vehicle. Easy. What a pleasant morning and so much less hassle than doing the same thing in the Metrosprawl.