Cooking, With LSP

You can't cook with LSP, you mutter, darkly. Ah, but you can, and this is how it's done. Get a rifle, maybe a .270, a 30-06, or a .303, even a 5.56 will do, whatever, and go out and shoot a ferocious hog. Smaller is better.

Paint the Deck, LSP

Turn the vicious tusker into spicy sausage. That done, slice up the meat into patties and put it in a frying pan. Smile contentedly as you dial up the heat, and watch that sausage fry, filling your house with the delicious smell of sizzling wild pig.

Serve it up with eggs, any style you like, and mushrooms, or with nothing at all, there's no rule. Then say grace and eat your meal like a warrior.

And that's cooking, with...

LSP

Lebyterians Run Amok

The Lesbyterian branch of Big Gay is running amok in America, suing Christian businesses for refusing to make gay cakes and pizza.

Aaron and Melissa Klein of Sweet Cakes by Melissa were sued by Lesbyterian activists, Rachel and Laurel Bowman-Cryer, for refusing to bake them a gay wedding cake in 2013. Last Friday, an Oregon judge awarded the Lesbyterians $135,000 for "emotional distress," effectively bankrupting the Kleins, who were forced to close their business and have to pay the fine out of personal funds.

Nice Ball Cap, Rachel

Rachel and Laurel cited 88 examples of "emotional distress", including:

“acute loss of confidence,” “doubt,” “excessive sleep,” “felt mentally raped, dirty and shameful,” “high blood pressure,” “impaired digestion,” “loss of appetite,” “migraine headaches,” “pale and sick at home after work,” “resumption of smoking habit,” “shock” “stunned,” “surprise,” “uncertainty,” “weight gain” and “worry.”

Weight Gain, Laurel?

Who knows, maybe they felt so emotionally hurt that they've had to start wearing cargo shorts and ball caps. In the meanwhile, the Kleins won't have the money to pay their mortgage or feed their children, they're ruined. So much for emotional distress.

Burner

Earlier this month, an out of control Lesbyterian threatened to burn down Memories Pizza, in Indiana, for refusing to cater a gay wedding. Memories was forced to shut down for 8 days but has since reopened, unlike Sweet Cakes in Oregon, which is shut for good.

The Oregon ruling sends a powerful message to American Christians. Holding a Biblical, and up until now normative view of human sexuality, is discriminatory and punishable when deployed in the public square. At least in Oregon.

How much longer will we have to wait before the view itself is illegal thought crime?

Maybe never, because Big Gay is all about tolerance and inclusion and the rainbow colored fist of stainless steel liberal fascism.

I stand against that.

LSP

Good Shepherd Sunday

It's Good Shepherd Sunday and Bishop Iker came to the Missions to preach, celebrate the Mass and baptize. Unlike many bishops, Jack Iker is a good shepherd, who cares for the flock and protects it against the wolf.

Wolf

Who is the wolf? Satan, of course, along with his allies within and without the church, those who tear, rend and attempt to destroy the Body of Christ. People like:

"heretics, hypocrites and Lollards, who with their wretched doctrine hardly every cease to deceive the meek and the simple in the Church. Against them the faithful shepherd must fight strongly with the keenness of the words of sacred scripture and, given his pastoral staff, with the threat of censure."

Heretic

That was written in the Middle Ages but it's true today. The wretched doctrine of our contemporary heretics is in the ascendant, especially in Western Anglicanism, though no denomination is immune. 

Lesbyterian

Pray for more good shepherds, men like Bishop Iker, who will be faithful to the flock and fight against the enemy.

God bless,

LSP

Breaking -- Jenner Withdraws From Race

Belinda, formerly Bruce, Jenner has announced her/his intention to withdraw from the race to become Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church.

Jenner looked set to become the world's first ever openly trans bishop, but after disclosing that she/he was a Christian and a Republician, the famous athlete took its name out of the running for the tiny denomination's top job.

"Belinda was a famous athlete, who is now trans, and we welcome that," stated one cathedral canon, "But being a Christian Republican obviously disqualifies her from the position."

So who will be the next PB?

In the meanwhile, the Episcopal Church is as trans as planet Nibiru's orbit is long.

God bless,

LSP

Storm Front Trans Apocalypse

There was an eerie stillness, then the sky turned green, the wind picked up and the clouds opened to bursts of thunder, as rain lashed down onto the metrosprawl, backlit by lightning.

So what, you say. This is Texas, it's a big country and it has big weather. True, but this was especially big, with a tornado warning in effect. Perhaps the twister touched down in the merrie olde suburbs of Mansfield and Arlington. I hope not, for their sake.

We wait for reports of apocalypse, destruction and chaos, with magazines loaded, a round in the chamber, and vicious kukris honed to a razor edge. Maybe some crew of street punks will chance their luck, here at HQ. They'll wish they hadn't.

In other news, Bruce Jenner has announced his/her intention to become Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church and the world's first ever trans bishop.

What can we say but good luck Bruce! Anyone that says you're a freakish, blasphemous, parody of a woman is a hater. Obviously.

Carry on,

LSP

Is Hillary Clinton Run by a Broken AI?

There is growing concern in the Intelligence community that Hillary Clinton is being run by a malfunctioning artificial intelligence (AI), code named HARRIDAN.

"Her mistakes are beyond human comprehension," stated a  source who prefers to remain anonymous for reasons of personal security, "The only explanation for this series of catastrophic blunders is HARRIDAN. The AI that's been running her is clearly broken."

Hillary has been plagued by a catalogue of embarrassing revelations ever since she announced her bid to become President of the United States of America, and the most powerful woman in the world. These include:

Preferred treatment to businesses that donated millions of dollars to the Clinton foundation, including Russian owned Uranium One.

Millions of dollars paid to the Clintons in speaking fees by businesses, such as Goldman Sachs, Barclays Capital and Deutsche Bank, who donated heavily to the Clinton Foundation.

False tax returns, which failed to list foreign government donations to the Clinton Foundation while Hillary was Secretary of State.

Using private emails and a private server to conduct government business, during Hillary's time as Secretary of State. These emails were subsequently deleted and the server "wiped clean."

Falsifying blame for the Beghazi massacre, in which a US Ambassador was tortured and killed.

Claiming to be poor, when in receipt of $200k+ speaking fees and the possession of multiple homes and mansions.

Pretending to be the champion of "ordinary Americans" while admitting to not driving a car since 1996.

Hillary Clinton dismisses these and other allegations as "absurd conspiracy theories." Is this yet more evidence that HARRIDAN's Truth Algorithm is broken and that her Personal Power AI (PPIA) has run amok?

Sources deep within US Intelligence believe that it is.

You be the judge,

LSP

LL Flies to Texas

Some people don't have much to say and what they do say is depressing, negative, boring and stupid. None of these things apply to LL, and I know this because he broke free of California and visited Texas this week.

The conversation was varied, ranging from drones and kukris to Atlantis, soteriology, and everything else in between. Of course most of this is classified, but not all; here's a paraphrase, as we were taking a break at the range.

  "I say, old chap," I asked, adjusting the settings of my thermal visioning monocle, "What d'ye think of Preppers?"

  "Preppers?" Growled LL, channeling General Patton, "I've always been a prepper, because I've always been prepared, but some of these guys are too narrow. Their plan lacks perspective."

  "How's that?" I replied, cutting the head off a snake with a handy, razor sharp kukri.

  "Well, I turn up at their fort with a canon, a Civil War cannon, that has a range of not much less than a mile, and I start pounding that compound with hot shot. What then? Yeah, maybe they run out, perhaps they sally forth. I want that, I want them in my kill box."

  "A Civil War cannon?"

  "Right. A Civil War cannon. Maybe a trebuchet. I could make both of them, so could you."

   "So perhaps the redoubt should be underground?"

   "Exactly."

After some ranging about we drove south to meet friendly forces. Rumors of hedgehogs are entirely without foundation.

Texas, which is perfect, is nonetheless a poorer place without LL.

God bless,

LSP 

Happy Earth Day!

Everyone loves Earth Day, and no one more so than us at Team LSP. So here's a little Gaia prayer to help us with that.

Our Mother whose body is the Earth,

Blessed are you,

And blessed are all the fruits of your womb.

You give us this day our daily bread,

And we share it with others.

Our Mother whose body is the Earth,

We love you with all our hearts,

And our neighbors as ourselves.

Beautiful, isn't it.

LSP

Dire Wolf

The Missions had a clean up day on Saturday, which meant I worked as a kind of laborer, helping to shovel up debris and hauling off the odd tree branch; it was good to get out with some of the men of the church.

One of them talked about his time as a young man on his parents' ranch in Ontario, where he somehow adopted a timber wolf as a pet. The wolf was loyal and friendly to him, but to no one else.

On Sunday, I said to him, "Good story about the wolf." He replied, "You have to be two things to have a wolf for a pet. In your early 20s and very, very stupid."

I liked that.

God bless,

LSP

Meet Your Overlords

Wikileaks has revealed that Green Elite Overlord, Leonardo DiCaprio, flew by private jet 6 times in 6 weeks last year. Each flight cost tens of thousands of dollars in jet fuel, luxury and millionaire socialism.

Some have accused this progleft NWO shill of hypocrisy. Well that's weird.

You can read all about it here.

LSP

Juke Box Saturday

Texans everywhere are rejoicing over the imminent end of almost 150 years of repressive anti-constitutional legislation, that prevented supposedly free citizens from carrying handguns openly.

Loser

That looks set to change, soon. And sorry, Piers Morgan, you lose. Again.

Kick out the Jams,

LSP

Open Carry Passes Texas House of Representatives

Open Carry comes one step closer to Texas, with the state's House of Representatives voting 96-35 to allow citizens to openly carry handguns, provided they have a CHL (Concealed Handgun License).

A similar measure passed the Senate last month, and the two bills must be squared before being sent to Governor Abbott to be signed into law. Abbott has said that he supports open carry and stated, in December, 2014, that he would "sign whichever open carry bill withstands the legislative process and makes it to my desk."

Texas is one of only six states that forbid citizens from openly carrying handguns, thanks to repressive legislation that dates back to the post Civil War Reconstruction Government.

In anticipation of open carry finally becoming law in the hopefully near future, joyous Texans are playing Honky Tonk Heroes on a continuous loop.

If you do not like Honky Tonk Heroes, you are in grave error.

LSP