Vicar of Slap Out

When the bishop calls you up and asks you to take on another Mission church you don't say, "No, bishop Iker, I'm awfully sorry but I can't be priest in charge of Slap Out, aka Hubbard." On the contrary, you say "of course, I'd be glad to help out."

was a train station - now  a church hall

So now I get to go to a third church on Sundays and I don't mind that at all. I especially like the congregation, who have good spirit, and the parish hall, which used to be Malone's railway station. The church bought it in the early 1950s, put it on a truck and drove it to Slap Out.

slap out of business

Why was Hubbard called Slap Out? Because, back in the 1860s, customers would go to the General Store only to be told that it was "slap out" of whatever they wanted. 

protestant work ethic

Slap Out's less basic now but it could do with a butcher, a pub, a bakery, and a gun/tack shop, maybe even some kind of book shop, for those of us who like to read. Why is that too much to ask? As it goes, the town has a couple of cafes, a masonic lodge, a feed shop and a pharmacy. It has a war memorial too, in the form of an attack helicopter.

I never in a thousand years would've thought I'd have a cure of souls in Hubbard. Why? I never knew it existed, but now I do and I'm not complaining. 

I like these small Texas towns.

LSP

The Ordinariate. Loving the Patrimony

The Team's been hard at work, this time in an Ordinariate way, sending in photos of Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament and a church not so very far from Fort Worth.

I'm all in favor, but let the reader understand that I'm loyal to bishop Iker, the Missions and, as always, to Texas.

Deo Vindice,

LSP

Look, A Sign!

A member of Team LSP just sent this in, from somewhere in East Texas. Here's another Texan picture, from Hubbard in 1908.

Slap Out

Hubbard used to be called Slap Out in the 1860s but was re-branded after a former Governor in the 1880s. Slap Out has 1,589 citizens as of the last census.

Burning Man

In other news, Big Tex has burnt to a crisp.

Somehow that seems relevant to me.

All for Texas.

LSP

America Doesn't Have a Class System

America overthrew British tyranny back in the 18th century. No taxation without representation and the rights of man, sort of thing.

Because of that we don't have a class system here, unlike England.

Thank God for that then.

Champagne all 'round.

LSP

Bandit Bishop Schori to Lawrence - You're Fired!

In a move that was as stunningly predictable as it was stupid clever, Space Alien Bandit Bishop, Katherine Jefferts Schori, has put the boot into Bishop Mark Lawrence of the Diocese of South Carolina, (DSC) prompting one of the  oldest and healthiest Anglican dioceses in North America to leave the Episcopal Church.

Bishop Mark Lawrence

Last year, bishop Lawrence was anonymously accused of "abandonment of communion" but two of the three  charges were dismissed by a disciplinary panel of bishops especially convened to deal with the alleged infractions. Dismissed that is until this month, when Lawrence was informed by the Bandit Bishop that he had abandoned the communion of the Episcopal Church and wasn't allowed to function as a bishop.

This triggered secession clauses in the Diocese of South Carolina's Constitution, prompting it to leave the Episcopal Church. Next step? The Episcopal Church will sue the DSC for all its money and property after forming a potemkin diocese to serve as plaintiffs. That will bring the total number of traditional dioceses being litigated against by the Episcopal Church to five, San Joaquin, Pittsburgh, Quincy, Fort Worth and now South Carolina. 

Sue You

I won't comment further except to recommend A.S. Haley's post on Anglican Curmudgeon, but I will leave you with a test.

Imagine, for a moment, that you're the leader of a wealthy little denomination that's shrinking at an alarming rate of 50,000 members a year. One of your more numerous dioceses, with 29,000 members, publicly dissents from your prophetic pro-gay agenda. What do you do?

A. Try and find a way to co-exist with the dissenting diocese and concentrate on mission.

B. Sue the dissenting diocese and lose 29,000 people.

If you answered "A" you have failed the test to become the next Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church. If you answered "B", well done! You too can be a space alien and have a grand penthouse apartment on New York's prestigious 5th Avenue! But remember, lest you get too carried away by the logic of your position, a church without members isn't really a church at all.

Carry on suing,

LSP

Obama Says Ban Assault Rifles?

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think I just heard Obama tell the world, and a person asking a question about AK47s on tonight's "debate", that he wanted to "ban assault rifles".

For Obama and his friends, an assault rifle is a semi-automatic version of its military counterpart. Why are they more dangerous than any other semi-auto rifle? Because they look more deadly? For that matter, why are they any more deadly than a well aimed bolt? Cooper argues, convincingly, that they aren't.

I have both, not that I'm allowed to shoot people. And for those of you who think that a heavily armed society is bound to be more violent, well, have a look at Switzerland.

England, where you're put in gaol for owning a pocketknife, is far more violent. Some would say more interesting too, but that's another story.

More guns, please.

LSP

Get Out and Hunt

There's few things I like better right now than getting out in the field after Sunday's Masses and roving about with a shotgun in search of dove, or small game. Going solo is good, just you, the countryside, senses sharpened in search of game and the satisfaction of something for the pot if things go right. If they don't? An armed ramble about the fields and treelines is good too. But I prefer to go out with company, which lately means GWB and his bird dog in training, JEB.

We shot a couple of the feathered acrobats and missed far more, they'll fly again to fight another day, and most of our time was spent set-up in silence along the edge of a big field waiting for the dove to fly. I like that silence. After a while you start to hear the sounds of the country, insects, birds, livestock, far off dogs and... dove! Then it's up and at 'em with a vengeance.

But they're canny rocketeers. They'll swerve to miss the shot, take off at impossible angles like gravity defying UFOs and otherwise defy the shooter. One seemed to play dead yesterday, stumbling in mid arc, nosedive falling straight down towards the ground, then taking off like an insane experiment out of the Peenemunde proving grounds. Well flown.

Then it was back to the tailgate to clean the birds as the sun was setting and back to HQ to eat them.

Fried up the breasts with onion, garlic and chili sauce on a toasted bun with mayo -- sandwich style.

Tasty, followed up by a glass or two of the right stuff on the porch and the usual banter about Angelic alphabets, Benchmade v. Spyderco, the wickedness of Yoko Ono and the perversity of thinking that the more you're taxed the richer you'll be.

God bless,

LSP

Behold Your Masters. Dominique Strauss Kahn, Freemason, Sex Crazed Libertine. Satanist?

You know what it's like. You run the International Monetary Fund, you're like a god and gods can do what they like, especially with the help of their Masonic friends. For Dominique Strauss Kahn that meant sex, and lots of it until he was pulled off a plane leaving JFK on charges of raping a maid in his New York hotel. DSK ended up in Rikers and was released, only to be fired from his IMF position and face charges of pimping and prostitution in his native France.

The New York Times gives us a window into his lifestyle.

"That defense and the investigation, which is facing a critical judicial hearing in late November, have offered a keyhole view into a clandestine practice in certain powerful circles of French society: secret soirees with lawyers, judges, police officials, journalists and musicians that start with a fine meal and end with naked guests and public sex with multiple partners."

How much did these parties cost?

"The exclusive orgies called 'parties fines' — lavish Champagne affairs costing around $13,000 each — were organized as a roving international circuit from Paris to Washington by businessmen seeking to ingratiate themselves with Mr. Strauss-Kahn. Some of that money, according to a lawyer for the main host, ultimately paid for prostitutes because of a shortage of women at the mixed soirees orchestrated largely for the benefit of Mr. Strauss-Kahn, who sometimes sought sex with three or four women."

Who organised these parties? Masons, apparently.

"The investigation into the prostitution ring in Lille ultimately swept up 10 suspects, including Mr. Strauss-Kahn. They knew each other largely through their membership as French Freemasons, according to Karl Vandamme, a defense lawyer who represents Fabrice Paszkowski, the owner of a medical supply company who played a crucial role in organizing the sex parties."

DSK's defense is busy telling the world, or at least the French part of it, that "lust is not a crime." In the Christian playbook it is, which forces us to wonder what side of the spiritual action DSK is on and I invite you to ask yourselves how many very important and rich people were at DSK's orgies, from "Paris to Washington." 

What God do you think they worship? Here's a hint:

baphomet

Kick out the Jams.

LSP

Biden, Grinning Like A Fool

Some on the right of U.S. politics were hoping for a massive and embarrassing meltdown on the part of Joe Gaffemister Biden. Perhaps they didn't get it but they did get a grin. Here's what some of the media had to say on this thing called Twitter (Politico via Drudge):

TIME’s Michael Scherer: “Not sure debate cameras have been light tested for Biden’s teeth. Best to watch with sunglasses.”

Washington Examiner’s Philip Klein: “Biden’s strategy seems to be to laugh at Ryan constantly. Will it work to infantalize Ryan, or backfire like Gore sighing?”

NBC’s David Gregory: “Biden’s smile is out of control.”

ABC’s Rick Klein: “Biden on verge of breaking down in laughter when Ryan talks.”

Former Eric Cantor staffer Brad Dayspring: “Joe Biden needs to realize this isn’t a Senate Foreign Relations Hearing. His laughter and condescending attitude is a disaster.”

Radio host Neal Boortz: “Looking like Biden’s gameplan is to laugh his way through this.”

Townhall.com’s Guy Benson: “Will Biden laugh his ass off at the terrible economy, too?”

I'm not biased! Obama went to my wedding!

MSNBC’s S.E. Cupp: “Biden needs to laugh a little less through the Libya, Middle East, nuclear Iran segment.”

Washington Post’s Chris Cillizza: “Ok. I have decided. I find the Biden smile slightly unsettling.”

PBS’ Jeff Greenfield: “Biden has always had a smile that at times is really, really inappropriate.”

For what it's worth, I thought Ryan came over pretty well. Young, positive, earnest. He didn't grin, grimace, interrupt and smirk his way through his elder rival's statements. Bidenrude did. 

Now. Whether either party is going to reverse our consumerist death-slide is another matter again, but it does seem that one group won't preside over the downfall with a grinning smirk.

Cheers,

LSP

Yoko, Paglia, Schori, Lee Enfield

The news is coming in fast and, well, furious. Texan school kids are getting in trouble for not carrying about microchip i.d. cards, the FAA tells us that the Land of the Free and the Brave will soon have 30,000, yes, 30,000 drones patrolling its airspace, Yoko Ono's awarded her fellow Illuminati, Lady GaGa, with a peace prize and famed Madonna fan and lesbyterian Camille Paglia has given up on Obama. 

Smile, Yoko.

Oh, and there's that rogue monkey "copping an attitude" somewhere in Florida, to say nothing of impending fiscal doom and another war in the Middle East.

Mistress Chronos Has Frowned On Camille

I'm worried about all these things and more, such as Jefferts Schori's potemkin diocese suing my diocese for all our buildings and assets. Who knows, if the courts go their way I'll be handily out of a parsonage, Lonestar or otherwise.

Boy Bishop Litigator

But in all of this, one question looms large. What to do with the 2nd Lee Enfield sporter. It's a No. 4 Mk.1 that was, I think, a bring-back from WWII and then sportered. The bore's good, it shoots well enough, though a little low -- just compensate, LSP -- and the furniture's O.K., typical post-war sporter. I think the forestock's a little shrunken, but usable.

I could leave it "as is" and keep it as a hi-power truck gun. I could get the barrel shortened an inch or two and re-crowned, put a synth stock on it and have a handy knock-about brush gun carbine. I could do the same but with wood instead of synth, and so on. The variation's are pretty endless.

So I'm open to advice; if you had a No. 4 sporter that needed fixing up, where would you take it, on a simple country parson's stipend?

Shoot straight,

LSP

Space Alien Bishop Held In Catholic Basement!

The Roman Catholic Church moved swiftly to protect itself from space alien attack when a prominent off-worlder, the Andrus, attempted to infiltrate the installation of Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone at St. Mary's Cathedral in San Francisco on Thursday, October 4.

Busted!

After arriving at the cathedral, the Andrus, who refers to itself as "Bishop of the Diocese of California," was detained by security in the church's basement, preventing it from joining an entrance procession of religious leaders. 

Just goofing off

According to the Andrus' account of its experience in the basement, the alien confronted its guard saying, "I think I understand and think I should leave." The space creature then left the building in what some witnesses have called a "quiet rage."

Cordileone

On October 1, the Andrus attacked Cordileone and made an appeal for Roman Catholics to join its gay-friendly space community.

"I will not change my course with regard to the full inclusion of all people in the full life of the church. I hope that public disagreements can be handled respectfully and that criticisms of public statements may be met with mutual respect. Some Catholics may find themselves less at home with Salvatore Cordileone’s installation and they may come to The Episcopal Church. We should welcome them as our sisters and brothers."

It makes Yewkrist.

In contrast with the Andrus, Archbishop Cordileone defends the human point of view that marriage is between a man and a woman and claims that this is sanctioned by God.

Sunday attendance in the Episcopal Diocese of California declined by 15% from 2002-2009, its parent body, the Episcopal Church is currently losing 50,000 members a year.

Ad Astra!

LSP

Women Love Putin, Obama's Not So Hot

It's official, Russian presidential strongman, Vladimir Putin, is about to turn 60 and the women love him. According to the U.K's left-leaning The Independent newspaper, 1 in 5 Russian women want to marry the animal loving head of state. But not all of the former Communist country's women are smitten with their virile premier.

Female punk band Pussy Riot, who screamed out "Mother Mary, please drive Putin away!" in Moscow's Christ the Savior cathedral, are currently incarcerated for hooliganism driven by religious hatred. 

Former Ukrainian Prime Minister, Yulia Tymoshenko, is also in jail. Tymoshenko, who rose to political power through her leading role in the Ukraine's Orange Revolution, is married to a businessman. She has not expressed a desire to marry Putin, despite his statements that she is innocent.

U.S. President, Obama, was described in The Nation in 2008 as "so cool he's hot" has lost his sex-appeal following an empty suit performance during his Thursday debate against Republican rival Romney.

Unlike Putin, Obama shows no interest in guns and horses.

LSP