Hippies, typically filthy, unwashed, misguided and now trans blasphemous parodies of men and women. Yes indeed, but is there hope for these misguided denizens of Austin, San Francisco and Portland? Perhaps, and here at the Compound we've worked with Beans to suggest a template.
Lure them to a pop festival, a "freak fayre" if you like. Secure the perimeter, set up in force with tents, safari rifles and all of that. Next step? Drop the boom, I won't go into detail. And then?
Issue the wretched hippies with fatigues and boots, shave their hair, start remedial PT, get that drill going (they don't get real rifles at this point, obvs), issue ironing boards and starch. And carry on, all conducted by LL, the RHSM (Regimental Horse Sergeant Major) who's taken over the SOUND STAGE, with its mighty amplification.
Hear it, punters, "By the left... QUICK MARCH!" And watch them move like clockwork across the desert expanse. Think yourselves lucky, hippies. And what can we say, problem? Solution. Yes, there is hope.
Peace And Unity,
LSP
23 comments:
How can people manage to spend their lives as a constant affirmation of their gender delusions AND manage to pay the rent?
They don’t pay their rent. You do.
Mike_C
Justin, we're working hard to address this issue. See posted training program.
Mike, you make most excellent point.
Training program?
How do they afford such luxury? Going to a Burner isn't cheap, and the better ones are very expensive in food, drugs, weird art stuff, booze, drugs and drugs.
How? It's really simple. They are your teachers, your social workers, your homeless advocates, your charity workers, your HR specialists, your DEI hires and various forms of wokefinas, for those that actually work. Others are just living off their parents or trust funds.
There's a vast difference between Burners and homeless people in San Shytecisco. Burners do their open air pooping far away from the public. They do their drugs far away, their perverted sex garbage far away from the public's eye. Homeless do it in the street (Hmmm, maybe San Fran can make money selling a t-shirt with that slogan on it.)
As to the training program, Justin_O_Guy, see the comment about LL being the Regimental Horse Sergeant Major. Think R. Lee Ermey in "Full Metal Jacket" but louder and more obnoxious (after all, LL is a squid...) So the fresh meat would end up doing whatever LL wants them to do, if they know what's good for them.
And, really, a quarter would be dead within the first 7 days, half the remaining would be having mental breakdowns because of finding out actions do indeed have consequences.
What you'd get out of the meat and brain grinder would be a relatively useful bunch of idiots. Think Moron Devil's Brigade. Tweaker's Foreign Legion. Make the Brigade or the Legion their Mother and Father, their Beginning and End. Toss them in to whatever really dangerous situation you have and make sure you have 'Morale Troops' behind them with orders to shoot on sight of any infraction or failure to follow orders.
Make it like Russia did with Wagner troops. If you survive, your record is expunged and you have the honor of surviving. And allow them to re-enter as cadre for the next bunch of idiots and whiners.
Sweep up all the people caught with illegal drugs. Toss them in. Let the Blender select survivors.
Then send them to the U-crane
Awwrite, thanks, that clears stuff up. I appreciate you taking the time to type out stuff I probably should have known.
Justin, training program = "Issue the wretched hippies with fatigues and boots, shave their hair, start remedial PT, get that drill going (they don't get real rifles at this point, obvs), issue ironing boards and starch."
Posted, you see.
Beans!
GOOD CALLS!
And yes, being a Burner ain't cheap.
Speaking of which, a few pals were going to crash it with flatbeds and sound systems a couple of years ago, Selous Scot style, but we never did, uselessly.
Now, what would our Legion look like, LL trained? The answer is clear, "Fine body of men." You see, we think positive.
Sambo!
Are you sure you shouldn't report yourself?
I enjoy watching military parades but will always remember the US Infantry marching in Red Square 2020. The Army pulled a company of 11B 'legs' out of Germany, rehearsed a few times. and sent them to Moscow. The other military participants were flash and show. Our grunts marched along like they were off to kick some ass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58Cr9Kdf7AU&ab_channel=GlobalNews
The mention of "morale troops" by Beans spun my wheels around to an antique advertising ditty about Boones Farm apple corps wine that I'm fixin' to culturally misappropriate:
Folks who join the Morale Corps
Keep comin' back for more.
So, Beans, where do I sign up?
I've sort of favored the idea of adding a course of electo-convulsive therapy followed immediately by re-orientation workshops.
Give them an all expenses paid trip to North Korea. One way of course.
WSF, I was moved by that, and our boys looked good.
Wild, Beans is a fund of good ideas.
Good call, Ritchie. An holistic approach to rehabilitation.
But pewster, shouldn't they have to pay for the bullet?
And make damned sure they BATHE!!! REGULARLY!!!
Yes, NFO, SHOWERS are very IMPORTANT. LL will drive that in.
Ritchie, you could always employ the ever-famous Argentinian Crowd Taser. Spray them with fire hoses and drop a power line in the middle. Very effective as an area effect weapon.
As to bathing, Old NFO, firehoses and spray foam. Think outside car wash with pressure sprayers. No matter the weather. I've done it, as a CAP cadet in a Radiation Exposure Test. In 30 degree weather. Cold as a witch's mammaries it was. Done it at the local Medieval Faire after being an archery (blunted arrows) target for 8-10 hours, in 40 degree weather, with the wind blowing, so I wouldn't stink up whatever restaurant we were going to afterwards or just because I couldn't stand putting my semi-rotted body into my van for the 20 minute trip home. Or when the pool worked, as soon as I could stand it, jump in after waking up, nice chlorine bath and some Dawn for the hair. Brrrr.... And, yes, one time, in the outdoor car wash in very cold weather because I smelled bad after helping a friend clean up after a fire (what, you don't have swim trunks and soap and towels in your in-car bag? for shame.)
If my fat ass can stand it, those perfumed pansies can.
I like many things about your comment, Beans, but "perfumed pansies" wins out.
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