Sunday, January 23, 2022

Monkey On The Loose


There's a monkey on the loose in Pennsylvania and readers of this influential mind blog are urged to shelter in place or shoot the deranged beast on sight.

The crazed simian, a cynomolgus monkey, escaped from a wreck on Pennsylvania's infamous I 80 in Montour County on Friday, when a truck carrying 100 monkeys crashed into a dump truck. Four monkeys escaped and three were captured after the breakout, leaving one monkey roving loose across the Keystone State.

According to Troopers Andrea Pelachick and Lauren Lesher the monkey should not be confronted:

There is still one monkey unaccounted for, but we are asking that no one attempt to look for or capture the animal. Anyone who sees or locates the monkey is asked not to approach, attempt to catch, or come in contact with the monkey. Please call 911 immediately.

Yes, do not approach, try to catch or contact the monkey. It might very well hurt you. We know this, here at the Compound, and we pray you do too.

Make of this short parable what you will and while we're at it, guinea on the monkey and twice as fast, eh?

Bets on,



Kid said...

Your links point back to blogger.

Hard to think that monkey isn't going to freeze.

LSP said...

Must fix the link, Kid...

Bob said...

Another blogger made a good point... Why the frantic "Stay away from this monkey" calls from the gov. ?

Monkey infected with something?

greggBC said...

Aaaaannd the Zombie apocalypse starts now. Next will be the guys in white lab coats telling us not to worry.

Paul M said...

Sent it to Da Boys in PA, brother says “ It’ll be dead by morning, supposed to be 20 degrees tonight.” And why does the government always overplay the panic hand then say they’re the only ones who can take care of the problem? Like you said, shoot the dang thing and be done with it, no special authority needed.

LSP said...

Bob, it looks that way.

LSP said...

greggBC, watch out for RAGE.

LSP said...

Take that monkey out, Paul. But... maybe it'd be neat if they spread into the southern states, where it's not so cold.

Bag limit?