Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Texas Passes FFHA

The State of Texas has just passed legislation allowing shop owners to restrict thieves from entering their premises, and angry Austin locals are furious.

"The FFHA puts Texas back in the dark ages," stated one outraged Travis County resident, "It's like the Nazis have taken over, why should I have to use the side door? That's discrimination and it's barbaric."

Governor Greg Abbott signed the Freedom From Hippies Act (FFHA) into law after receiving complaints from shopkeepers and small businesses about hippies stealing merchandise, and driving away customers.

"It's not discrimination, it's just common sense," said Abbott, "Business owners have a right to protect themselves from thieves, and the FFHA guarantees that. This is mostly an Austin problem, but we need statewide protection."

However, major corporations are threatening sanctions against the Lone Star State. Apple CEO, Tim Cook, has announced that the tech giant may stop doing business in Texas, and Facebook is reportedly considering suspending the state's social media accounts.

Governor Abbott remains adamant that the FFHA will remain in place, despite these threats, "The Texas economy is booming and this new Act will help ensure that continues, with or without Tim Cook."

Hippies, use the side door.



Adrienne said...

That's just about the funniest thing I've read in weeks. Thanks.

LSP said...

I, for one, support this new law.

LL said...

I'm only sad that it's an April Fool's prank.

Blue Mendicant is not happy that it's a fake law.

LSP said...

Blue Probity has taken to enforcing the FFHA solo.

This involves a lot of baring of teeth, suspicious growling and fierce barking.

LL said...

I'm wondering if the postal people are secretly hippies. It would explain Blue Conservative's feelings toward them.

Fredd said...

If the FFHA were passed on a federal basis, then the entire state of Oregon would have to close up shop.

The Beaver State is completely and totally infested with thievin', no-account, food-in-their-beards hippies.

LSP said...

I've heard that Oregon has a real problem.

They're mostly confined to Austin, here in Texas. But still, a menace.