John Kerry, Potato Head

This is our Secretary of State, America's senior diplomat. His name is John Kerry and he's in Russia, holding up two potatoes. For some reason everyone's laughing at him, like he's some kind of joke.

John Kerry was known to his handlers as "Wooden Top", he is now code named "Potato Head."

Good luck, US Foreign Policy.

LSP

Hog Poetry

I know, I know, it's been a long while since I posted a hog poem and I apologize for that. But here's something, inspired by Manhattan Infidel.

“Master thyself, then others shall thee beare”

     Pull down thy vanity

Thou art a beaten hog beneath the hail,

A swollen magpie in a fitful sun,

Half black half white

Nor knowst’ou wing from tail

Pull down thy vanity

     How mean thy hates

Fostered in falsity,

     Pull down thy vanity,

Rathe to destroy, niggard in charity,

Pull down thy vanity,

     I say pull down the trigger,

And slay the hog.

With no apologies to Mr. Pound.

LSP 

Deadly Assault Carbine Got Even More Deadlier, Installing the Fortis Hand Guard

Sometimes you look at your deadly black assault carbine and think, "I know, this gun's got to get more deadly, much more deadly." Inspired by this vision of the future you go out and get a new hand guard. In my case, this meant getting a Fortis Switch 556 12 keymod system.

Obey the System

Why? In the first place, keymod fore-ends are practical because you can attach items to the rifle without the extra weight and profile of multiple rails. Why Fortis? Because their system is lightweight, robust, easy to install and in-budget. The hand guard simply clamps into place over the supplied barrel nut without the need to index the gas tube assembly to the nut. At least that's the marketing. What's the reality?

Exactly as described. After removing my old Yankee Hill free float tube, the new barrel nut torqued onto the receiver without a hitch, the gas tube went into place above it and the hand guard worked as advertised. I eyeballed the guard's top rail with the receiver and liked the snug fit, there's negligible space between the two.

The gas tube doesn't need indexing with the barrel nut

Then, to clamp the hand guard into place, simply close the proprietary Fortis mechanism's lever  90 degrees until it clicks into place and... that's it. Absurdly easy to install and as described, it's robust, lightweight and well made.

Line up the hand guard with the receiver

Would I recommend the Fortis Switch to a friend. Yes, I most certainly would. Is it easy to install? It comes with instructions, I'm not sure they're necessary. Is it tactical? Look, it's black, what more do you want. Does it work?  I should say so! Is it affordable? Yes, cheap at half the price.

Clamp Down!

So go out and get yourself a Fortis hand guard, if you want, and I don't think you'll be disappointed. This version has the following specs:

Material: Aircraft Grade 6061-T6 Aluminum / Locking handle: 7075-T6 Aluminum

Length: 12.42”

Weight: 8.5 ounces minus barrel nut. Barrel nut is 1.6oz.

Internal Diameter: 1.34"

Continuous Top Rail

Rotation Limited QD Sockets

Keymod at the 3, 6, & 9 o'clock

Mil. Spec. Hard-coat Anodized

4140 heat treated barrel nut (1-7/16 X 16 T.P.I.)

A whole lot deadlier, thanks, Fortis

It's made in the USA too, and that's a bonus.

Shoot straight,

LSP

Prophet Muhammad. Very Provocative.

There's a new brand of street art that's spreading like wildfire. You can find it everywhere. 

On Walmart trucks.

The walls of abortionists.

On newsstands.

And gas pumps.

Even at Tiffany's!

Is nowhere immune from this grass roots craze that's sweeping across the nation? Will these popular posters keep multiplying, miraculously, across America and from there spread out across the world?

Let's hope so,

LSP

Tornado Eschaton

If you're a millionaire socialist, like Russell Brand, or Hillary Clinton, you might not be affected by the weather. Just climb into a private jet when things go wrong, and fly somewhere else. 

I'm not so lucky, when a Tornado Warning flashes across the screen, there it is and there I am, in the midst of it.

That's what happened this evening. The sky turned grey, then green, then black, and big hail started rocketing down from heaven like so many icy meteors.

I took in a worried parishioner who thought it'd be safer in the Compound. Perhaps it was, as the ice rattled off the house like shrapnel at the battle of Verdun.

It was neat driving around the town in the storm. Good thing I had a truck; other drivers were less fortunate, stranded in the flooded streets. Maybe they're armed, maybe the're not. If not, they'll wish they were.

As I write this, rain falls down in sheets, lightning flashes across the sky and we stand here, resolute on the perimeter, magazines full and round in the chamber.

Go on, Libs, come and take it. Just you try.

Be safe,

LSP

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day everyone, especially to all you Mothers out there. Here's the Salve Regina, addressed to Mary, the great Mother of God and the the new Eve, who brought life into the world.

Hail, holy Queen, Mother of mercy, our life, our sweetness and our hope. To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To thee to we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn, then, most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us, and after this, our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.

V. Pray for us, O holy Mother of God.

R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

Let us pray. Almighty and everlasting God, Who by the working of the Holy Spirit didst prepare both body and soul of the glorious Virgin Mother, Mary, that she might deserve to be made a worthy dwelling for Thy Son, grant that we who rejoice in her memory, may, by her loving intercession, be delivered from present evils and from lasting death, through the same Christ our Lord. Amen.

God bless, and don't forget to love and respect your Mothers.

LSP

Mummified Alien or Anglican Communion?

A startling photo has surfaced, showing what appears to be a desiccated alien life-form, long dead. Or is it the Anglican Communion? Experts are undecided.

"Well, now that we have a much clearer photo of this body, I'm still very much on the fence," stated one pundit, "For starters, even IF this photo was taken in 1949, two years after the alleged Roswell crash, there's simply no way the body would be in such a state of mummification. It looks like it's been laying in a cave in the desert for 50 years, so there's a problem right off the bat. It looks more like the Anglican Communion than a space alien."

An indecipherable statement of belief, or "placard," was cited by experts as further proof that the mummified body was the Anglican Communion, instead of a dried out alien corpse.

According to UFO expert, Don Schmitt, "There’s a placard, very fuzzy, that can not be legibly read by the naked eye, yet we’ve had everyone from Dr. David Rudiak, to Studio MacBeth, even the Photo Interpretation Department of the Pentagon, as well as Adobe, have all told us that it’s beyond the pale, that it cannot be read, it is totally up to interpretation. Just like the Anglican Communion."

The Anglican Communion was last seen voyaging into the icy void of deep space.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Russel Brand, Millionaire Socialist

Here's a picture of U.K. megastar celebrity, Russell Brand, climbing into a private jet. Russel Brand is a socialist. 

That is all.

LSP

Is Joe Biden Becoming a Woman?

As gay rights activists around the world celebrate the Conservative Party's victory in the U.K's General Election, a startling new "shift to the pink" may be occurring, here in the U.S. 

A Typical U.K. Conservative

Sources deep within the Intelligence community have indicated that Vice President Joe Biden is transitioning to become a woman, in a desperate bid to secure the Democratic Party's nomination, and beat Hillary Clinton.

Making the Change?

"Slow Joe may not be too quick on the uptake," said one insider, who wishes to remain anonymous, "But he knows he has to do something radical to beat Hillary. That's why he's becoming a woman and positioning himself as the transgender candidate for 2016. Joe can't keep his hands off women, now he'll get to be one."

Estrogen

Vice President Biden is a popular speaker at transgender events, such as the OutGiving fund raiser at Dallas' swanky Ritz hotel. In 2012, Biden told a woman in Florida, who he thought had "beautiful eyes," that transgender rights "were the civil rights issues of our time."

Will Joe Biden beat scandal-plagued Hillary by becoming the nation's first ever trans presidential candidate? 

The polls are open.

LSP

Hands Off! Joe.

Some say that Vice President Joe Biden is a malfunctioning artificial intelligence (AI), with aging circuits and a broken down array of spatial sensors.

Others think that he's just a creepy old man who manages to embarrass Barack Obama himself.

Creepy, aging politician, or broken AI?

You be the judge.

LSP

Hillary Clinton, Stench of Corruption

Presented without comment, except to say that Team LSP applauds the genius behind this latest round of Hillary street art.

Well done, carry on,

LSP

Westminster Abbey Goes Muslim. Dean Hall, We Scorn You

Westminster Abbey had a come to Mohammed moment when it celebrated the centenary of Anzac Day, and invited worshipers to make the following prayer:

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful,

Praise be to the Lord of the universe who has created and formed us into tribes and nations so that we may know each other, and not so that we may despise each other, Peace be upon all auspicious prophets of God, from Adam, Noah and Abraham to Moses, Jesus, and Mohammed Mustafa, who pulled humanity out of darkness into the light and became guides to peace.

The prayer was written in Turkish, presumably to avoid offending Christians who might have been surprised to find Christ relegated to co-prophet status with Mohammed. Others might even have questioned the accuracy of describing Mohammed, who was a warlord, rapist and killer, as a "guide to peace."

Mohammed Flies to Jerusalem

At which point, unless you're an avid fan of Mein Kampf, does Mohammed, who personally beheaded, raped and enslaved Jews at Medina and Khaybar, for example, count as someone who "pulled humanity out of darkness into the light"? 

Dhimmwit

The Dean of Westminster, Dr. John Hall, has defended the Islamic prayer, stating, "This particular isolated prayer is within orthodox Christian worship behaviour, teaching and everything."

No, Dr. Hall, it isn't. You are a Dhimmwit. 

We scorn you.

LSP