There's a Tranny in the Bathroom!

Presented without comment except to say, thank you, LL.

LSP

Church of England Godparents Liturgy. Happy May Day.

The venerable Cofe has come out with a new worship ritual for Godparents. Here's an excerpt from part of it, "Making Connections," which is a kind of confession. Pay attention to the "manual acts":

Sometimes we forget God who is with us every step of the way on our journey in life. Let’s say sorry to God for all those times and ask him to forgive us and help us. 

[Invite everyone to hold their hands open in front of them]
For all the times we have forgotten those who reach out to help us
Lord have mercy
All: Lord have mercy

[Look down at or touch feet]
For all the times we have not tried to follow Jesus
Christ have mercy
All: Christ have mercy

[Place hands over ears]
For all the times we have not listened to those who need us
Lord have mercy
All: Lord have mercy

I like "Look down at or touch feet," but that's just me. And that's not all, there's a Talk.

Talk about how hard is to learn or experience something new without any help. Having someone with you who is even a little ahead makes it more interesting, makes it easier, and makes it more enjoyable. Even better sometimes is a group exploring together. In the story from Acts the people of Macedonia wanted to discover more about Jesus. In those days they couldn’t just send a text – letters took weeks to arrive. So God intervened and a message came to Paul through a dream.. Come and help us. When we start to walk the journey of faith we need help too. And that’s where godparents come in – they can help us with all kinds of different things. They made big promises when we were baptized and over many years play a special part in our lives. Get people to read a few ideas from the Memory Wall.

What is this "Memory Wall"? Here's what you'll need:

Large sheets of paper eg lining paper on a roll or a large sheet with the heading “Memory Wall”; felt pens for directly writing on paper/fabric OR post-it notes and pins Four large cards each with one of these phrases: Being There; Part of the family; Good choices; Sharing faith; Yellow and white ribbons and two ‘prayer trees’ eg places where ribbons can be tied [optional] Heart shaped chocolates or carnations or godparent/godchild badges [available from www.churchprinthub.org] to give away [optional] Before the service: Place the paper or fabric somewhere accessible. As people arrive invite them to either write directly or use the post-it notes a memory of their godparent/godchild. If you are really organized you could begin this a couple of weeks before and also get people to bring along photos to create a ‘memory wall.’

It's suggested that this liturgical expression of infantilism is accompanied by music, whether "live or recorded." See above video and remember, it's all a larf until you wake up in a Wicker Man, and it's on fire.

Some Priestess Goofing Off

And in case you think I made all this up, think again.

Happy May Day,

LSP

The Church of England Found Snooping, in Wisconsin?

A Wisconsin man claims to have seen the Church of England snooping around his house in Monona, Dale County.

The anonymous Wisconsinite saw the Church from a reflection in his window. “It was in the reflection of the room," he said, "while my back was turned. It apparently sneaked from hiding to staircase. My father was asleep in a different room.”

By the time the man turned around the Church had gone, leaving "no trace." However, the Monona resident was able to describe the small denomination as being 4' tall, balding, with a small mouth and large alien-like eyes. The humanoid entity was reportedly wearing a "blue one-piece with no belt." 

However, some experts disagree. "I've seen the drawing and it's clearly not the Church of England," stated one pundit, "It looks a lot more like the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby. You can tell by its glasses, head and grey-like features. He might have been sneaking about for money or food."

Why the Church of England or its leader, Archbishop Welby, have been sneaking through houses in Wisconsin remains unknown.

Monona, Wisconsin, has a population of 8,000.

LSP

Elk Hunt Bear Wrangler

I was talking to a friend, I ride out at his ranch, and he started telling stories about being a guide on elk hunts in the Rockies.

They'd go in on horseback, set up camp in the mountains and then hunt for elk. My friend's job was to make sure the horses were all online. He liked it well enough because he loved horses and the wilderness, but sometimes they didn't just get elk, they got bears.

Millionaire Socialist Taken by a Bear

A bear would attack out of the forest and have to be shot, either you or the bear. When that happened, they'd clean the bear and put the skin on a pack horse. No easy thing, because the horses didn't like having a bearskin on them. The trick of it, apparently, was to get them used to the smell of the bear. And so they rode out, bear, elk and whatever else, through the mountains.

"I didn't know you were a bear wrangler, old chap," I remarked over a beaker of vintage port at the club. "Well I was," said my friend, sipping an ice tea because of his Baptist nature, "Yes indeed. Some of these boys that'd come out to shoot elk were from Dallas and not too fit. In fact they were pretty fat, which comes from sitting behind a desk all day and no exercise. And they'd get up there and have a heart attack. Honest to God, every year it's a deal, elk hunters getting a heart attack."

Chastened by reference to lack of exercise, I arranged for a ride next week and, to be honest, I'd like little better than a week or so's go at it in the Rockies. Bear and all.

Your Old Buddy,

LSP

There's a Peacock by the Woodpile

This small farming community managed, somehow, to survive last night's storm, and so did the neighbor's peacocks.

Last Night's Sheet Lightning

One of them was over by the woodpile when I got back from some church work this morning. It's one of two and perhaps before too long there'll be a serious peacock operation here. Lord knows, the town could use a growth industry.

Hope 'n Change didn't seem to make that happen and the Government's wondering why people aren't too happy about that. 

I mean to say, what's wrong with you? You may not have any money and there's no real jobs to speak of, but you can get a gay marriage and a sex-change while shopping at Target. 

C'mon, everybody, lighten up,

LSP

Another Storm

Thunder shakes the house as lightning sheets across the sky and rain lashes down; another storm. I watch the enraged fury of the elements from the comparative safety of the front porch. 

And such is the new normal, here in Texas. Storms, rain, flooding, the Eschaton. Speaking of which, here's an apocalyptic prophecy from Sr. Lucia, one of the Fatima children. She wrote to Cardinal Carlo Caffara of Bologna:

The final battle between the Lord and the reign of Satan will be about marriage and the family. Don’t be afraid, because anyone who operates for the sanctity of marriage and the family will always be contended and opposed in every way, because this is the decisive issue. However, Our Lady has already crushed its (Satan's) head.

The storm is intensifying. Whether and to what extent anything will be left of this bucolic farming community in the wake of the flood remains to be seen

LSP

Is Ted Cruz Satan?

Is Ted Cruz Satan?

Is John Boehner an Oompah Loompa shill for the New World Order?

LBJ buys pants.

That is all,

LSP

All Flame

From The Desert Fathers:

Abba Lot went to see Abba Joseph and said to him: Abba, as much as I am able I practice a small rule, a little fasting, some prayer and meditation, and remain quiet and as much as possible I keep my thoughts clean. What else should I do? Then the old man stood up and stretched his hands toward heaven, and his fingers became like ten torches of flame and he said to him: If you wish, you can become all flame.

Thanks, GWB, for the reminder. I won't comment, except to say that you'll notice that Joseph doesn't recommend a balance of hot and cold, fire and non-fire, or good and evil. Rather, Lot can become all flame, but he has to wish it. That, just in itself, is no small thing.

God bless,

LSP

It's Bushcraft Wednesday!

Bushcraft is a skill, the skill of living and surviving in the wild, and part of that means hunting for your food. But sometimes the hunter becomes the hunted.

With that in mind, Team LSP is pleased to present this infovideo as a cautionary tale. We hope you find it useful.

Be prepared,

LSP

Anglican Communion Snatched by Evil Owl?

Startling game cam footage has revealed the Anglican Communion being snatched by an evil owl, proving that there are "consequences" for what's euphemistically referred to as "riding the rainbow."

Where the owl will take the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion (WANC) is uncertain. According to the game cam's owner, the photos provided "clarity." 

Riding The Rainbow

"Some people thought there weren't any, you know, consequences when it came to riding the rainbow," he said, "Others reckoned there were when it looked like there weren't. It was really confusing, then the owl came and took the whole Communion away. It gave some clarity to the narrativity crisis."

Owls

When questioned about the destination of the owl and its captured Communion, the hunter stated, "I don't know where it's going, no one does. Maybe not even the owl, it could be flying around for kicks, fixing to drop that Communion when it gets tired playing. They do that."

An Owl Attacks

Where the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion will land is uncertain, that it's been snatched up in the talons of an evil owl appears irrefutable.

Stay tuned as the story develops.

LSP

If Trump Wins Dunham Goes

Rich celebrity socialist, Lena Dunham, who is popularly known as "Clay Golem," has threatened to leave America if Donald Trump becomes President.

You Need To Leave

“I know everyone’s always idly threatening this, but I’d be 100 percent moving to Canada,” Dunham stated from the luxurious Waldorf Astoria hotel, “I love Canada. I think that it’s a great place, and there’s an area in Vancouver that I find beautiful and appealing, and I can conduct business from there."

Get Out.

Dunham's not alone, Miley Cyrus, Whoopi Goldberg, Al Sharpton and Rosie O'Donnell are all planning to inflict themselves on Canada if Trump wins the election.

Time To Go.

This has encouraged the real estate business mogul to campaign harder. In a telephone interview with Fox News, Trump stated, "We’ll get rid of Rosie? I love it. Now I have to get elected, because I’ll be doing a great service to our country. Now it’s much more important. In fact, I’ll immediately get off this call and start campaigning right now.”

Bye Bye.

Trump earlier referred to Dunham as a "B-actor" with "no mojo."

Watch out, Vancouver.

LSP

Obama is Weird & Ridiculous. Germans Wake Up.

"Obama is ridiculous and weird," says London Mayor, Boris "Bojo" Johnson. And who am I to disagree? Britons, obey your ruler. But of course Bojo is entirely normal and not weird at all. Still, I'm not sure why he insists on messing about in pink cowboy hats unless it's a low gambit to win votes.

I say, Bojo, steady.

Regardless, we used to enjoy the occasional drink together back in the day, not that he'd remember. But speaking of weird, have you noticed how a German comedian is being prosecuted by Frau Merkel's State for making fun of Sultan Erdogan in a rude TV "bit"? 

Nein!

Germans. You must stop this! Obey your Muslim Overlords and your Supreme Sultan, Recep Erdogan. There must be no more German TV with this mocking of your Sultan! It is for your good that you obey him and his servant Merkel.

This is Forbidden!

There must be an end to poems mocking your ruler, Erdogan, and his friendship with goats, young boys, and ISIS. This is forbidden. Forbidden with Jail! Germans obey!

Bojo, Cut it Out.

But seriously, you can go to jail in Germany for making fun of the crazed Muslim despot Recep Erdogan? Really? C'mon guys, don't put up with that.

In the meanwhile, let's have Hagia Sophia back. I'm counting on Putin.

New Constantine,

LSP