Thursday, November 9, 2017


I know, you're thinking this is a post about the exotic Tooth Djinn, Huma Abedin, whose hopes for power were shattered by the repellent Weiner. 

Then again, maybe you think it's about Huma's special friend, the Old Crone, who was renowned for her fine teeth before she found herself "lost in the woods."

Or perhaps you're thinking it's about Joe "Trans" Biden, whose prize winning teeth were thwarted of presidential ambition when their billionaire backer, Prince Wally, got himself thrown in the Ritz slammer thanks to the Magic Kingdom's recent night of long knives.

 Good call, vast international readership but not so fast. Because this well known mind blog isn't remotely narcissistic, the teeth in question belong to me, kind of. It started back in January when I pulled myself together and marched into a catastrophically expensive dentist.

"Holy Horseman," he announced like a cowboy, "I'm gonna have to weld those sonsabitches together in case you sneeze and blow your teeth all over the cabin of that plane to London!" He did, and I managed a trip to England without losing the all important front runners. They stood firm, like our brave men at Waterloo or Jackson at Bull Run.

Once back in the Lone Star State, I dodged the Maseratis to get into the dental clinic. "Why howdy! They all gotta go," was the cheerful verdict and damning xray evidence backed it up. There was all kinds of infection lurking around the sturdy jawline. And that's bad because it can mysteriously navigate down to the heart and kill you, stone dead.

So out came the few remaining ivories, in went a couple of implants and on popped a set of falsies and a couple of bottles of synthetic opium. Opioids, they call it and apparently they're a scourge. Just see the video page of this blog and you'll see, QED.

Since then, life has been mostly about driving to Dallas to get the teeth seen to and today was no exception. You see, readers, getting bionic teeth replacement may sound like a walk in the park but it isn't. Still, thanks to the Diocese of Fort Worth it's possible. Thank you, Bishop Iker, 100%.
I file this story under "teeth in rural and not so rural Texas."

God bless,



LL said...

After Blue Mailman Biter obtained those bionic, titanium fangs, you've needed to keep up.

NOW, GO TO THE DOCTOR, get a check up and your blood work. Then quit nagging you.

Better teeth than no teeth, my friend.

Infidel de Manahatta said...

As a man with horrible teeth who is currently waiting for the soft tissue to grow back before the dentist puts in the implants I sympathize tremendously.

Adrienne said...

I can't recall Blue Molar ever looking that cray-cray. Love him!

I've spent my entire life having my teeth looked after with every expensive procedure known to man and dentist. My sympathies...

Brig said...

Bless you Padre, for you must be on the path of God's work if the diocese is footing the bill for new chompers.

Blue warrior looks normal for Texas, give him a scratch for me, please.

LSP said...

LL, you make an excellent and important point. I'll bite the bullet and go.

LSP said...

I put it off for years, Infidel, and that was foolish. Still, the implants took, by some miracle. The Doc told me 6 months later they were surprised. Good. No bone graft.


LSP said...

I put that pic of Blue in there for you, Adrienne. He looks most baffled! And thanks for the symp.

LSP said...

Brig, I'll be sure to give him a scratch for you, and thanks for the kind plaudit. Well done, Diocese.

Jules said...

Bite me.

Bloody hell, Huma's got a gobfull!

LSP said...

Jules, some people, like the curiously named "Weiner," think Huma's attractive. Then the Djinn opens its mouth.

Run like fury and twice as fast.