Episcopal Church Spirit Allies

In case you missed it, here's an excerpt from from the Presiding Shaman Bishop of the Episcopal Church's Christmas sermon, via Stand Firm.

"The altar hanging at an English Advent service was made of midnight blue, with these words across its top: “We thank you that darkness reminds us of light.” Facing all who gathered there to give thanks were images of night creatures – a large moth, an owl, a badger, and a bat – cryptic and somewhat mysterious creatures that can only be encountered in the darkness."

But what about Jesus? Good question, and here's the answer:

Jesus is among us like a flitting moth – will we notice his presence in the street-sleeper? He pierces the dark like a silent, streaking owl seeking food for hungry and defenseless nestlings. He will overturn this world’s unjust foundations like badgers undermining a crooked wall. Like the bat’s sonar, his call comes to each one uniquely – have we heard his urgent 'come and follow'?"

Moth, owl, badger, bat, sometimes you just have to bask in the brilliance. But which one's your magicke spirit ally?

I'll wager my fighting monkey against any number of your priestesses that Jefferts Schori's ally is a  Mothbat.

Feel free to disagree,

LSP

Build a Gun Rack? Good Idea.

A whole new year needs a whole new project, so why not turn your study into a gun room? I thought to myself, incisively. That way I'd be able to study and hang out with my friends, the guns.

Someone's neat foldaway gun racks

Part of this might well entail fitting the room's sturdy work table for reloading. Another part will definitely mean getting a gun rack, maybe two. I think I will build one, out of wood.

Stay tuned for the next exciting installment of Build Your Own Gun Rack!

Cheers,

LSP

Je Suis Charlie Rainbow

Perhaps you noticed that the march against Jihad in Paris morphed into a rainbow pony Tolerance Parade. 

That'll have the Muslims who aren't Muslim Jihadis quaking in their boots, eh?

In the meanwhile, the President of the Rainbow Tolerance Coalition of Gayness is holding a Summit on Countering Violent Extremism. But not Muslim violent extremism, because as everyone knows, Islam is a religion of peace and tolerance and velvety unicorns.

Some, on the other hand, recommend Arc Light. Or Spectre.

But that won't be necessary because Islam is like Buddhism, or Woodstock, only a lot more peaceful.

LSP

Visit the Sick

Being an LSP isn't just about guns and going to Canada, it's also about visiting the sick. If I was more of a Mission Priest I'd probably do that in an ATV. As it is, I just use my "rig," which is a basic, ex-fleet, 2008, F150 X-cab. 

Some people get to drive Raptors and perhaps I'm a bit jealous, but I can't complain, the truck gets me there. Still, I'd like to have 4x4.

But rigs aside, I do my best to get out to the sick and housebound and I should probably do more of that. After all, there's that bit in Scripture, "I was sick and you visited me."

Part of this means going to nursing homes, or "assisted living facilities," which is what I did today. Everyone seemed happy and upbeat and a fair few were demented with it, cackling from their rooms or sitting stranded, in their wheelchairs, in the corridors.

May God bless them, the Saints intercede for them and the Angels watch over them.

If you think that's idolatry you're wrong.

LSP

Aliens on the Moon?

Startling new evidence suggests that there could be alien lifeforms, living on the moon. NASA photographs appear to show artificial structures on the surface of the dead planet, leading to speculation that it could once have been mined by extraterrestrials.

Other footage shows an abandoned two mile long spaceship, heavily pockmarked by meteorites and resting in a crater on the far side of the moon.

According to former astronaut, William Rutledge, a secret US/Russian mission to the moon investigated the alien ship in 1976 and discovered a female ET, who was possibly the pilot of the strange craft.

Rutledge described the off-world life form as neither dead nor alive. "Some parts of the body were in unusually good condition," stated the astronaut, "(hair) and the skin was protected by a thin transparent protection layer. As we told to mission control, condition seemed not dead not alive."

Others aren't so sure, claiming that the female space pilot is really an image made of clay, made by French artist Thierry Speth, and that William Rutledge doesn't exist. 

Are these spectacular images proof of ET intelligence on the moon, or just a hoax? 

The vote is out,

LSP

It's a Dog's Life

It's raining, here in Texas, and my canine ally, Blue Marmaduke, is back from his country exeat. What would he be like, I wondered, after a few weeks away from the chain of command?

Just fine, as it turns out. He's better behaved, if anything, and seems a little more obedient. Not that he was bad before. Apparently he was good around horses while I was away, though I'm not quite sure what that means.

Still, it bodes well for a cavalry mascot, as does his fearless approach to bullets and gunfire. But he has to learn that it's a mistake to try and catch the bullets. Until he has his titanium refit.

That is all.

LSP

Well That Was Fun

It felt a bit strange returning to Texas from the land of ice and snow but drive-bys notwithstanding, it was good to be back in the Lone Star State. And it was especially good to meet up with a very old friend who was passing through, to conduct some "business."

What was this business? Good question. It was something along the lines of "communications systems security and interception consultancy," or CSSIC, and it helped to be an Israeli, living in Jakarta. Obviously.

I was impressed by my pal's CSSIC expertise and hope he triumphs in the marketplace, but that aside, the years rolled back over several dinners, as we caught up on our various adventures. "What's the most important thing about a tank?" asked my friend, who had helped crew one at the end of Peace in Galilee. "Reverse gear!" The reason being, he explained, is that reverse is crucial after you've pulled over a ridge to take your shot and have to get back into cover. CSSIC had driven a Centurion, which astounded me. 

It had been updated but still, the hull of the metal monster dated from 1949 and there it had been, getting into fights in Lebanon, in the '80s.

Then he was gone and I drove back to my rural idyll in the land where cotton used to be king. I'll be picking up Blue Exocet tomorrow.

Cheers,

LSP

Jihad at Charlie Hebdo

Religion of Peace? Tell that to Charlie Hebdo.

But at least one thing's for sure, if Mahomet cartoons weren't popular before, they are now, and in case you're wondering if Islam is like a desert version of Woodstock, think again.

LSP

Dallas Drive By, Stephen Fry

There I was, just a few hours back from Canada and enjoying a glass of wine at the Dallas "local" with my philisophical friend, GWB. Then bang! Six shots were fired, right outside the restaurant.

"Did you hear that?" asked my Wittgensteinian ally.

"I certainly did."

"Gunfire."

"Yes. Let's check it out."

So out we went and I noticed a punter taking cover behind a wall in the car park, so I walked over and asked what had happened. "They drove by, real slow," he said, "shooting that way. I figured I should get behind this wall." I asked him if there'd been any return fire and he said no, which was precipitate, because another shot was fired from a block or two away. Probably the enemies of the drive-by gang asserting themselves.

And that was that. Fortunate that the restaurant wasn't shot up and that no one was hurt.

In other news, the fruity old English thesp, Stephen Fry, has announced that he's going to "marry" some boy.

Try to keep your dinner down.

LSP

A Short Walk in the Snow

"I am just going outside and may be some time," I said to no one in particular, as I left our shelter in search of beef broth.

The snow had intensified, making it hard to see, but in the distance I could just make out the Cult Collective, rising out of the drifts. I knew there was a shop nearby that sold broth, but would I make it?

I did, barely, and sensibly managed to detour out of the wind to a pub, where I drank a pint and watched the snow.

Later on we ate a standing rib with roast potatoes and Yorkshire pudding. It was delicious.

Stay warm,

LSP

Ice Station Zebra

I got up this morning and it was snowing, but not the Christmas Carol, Tiny Tim, figgy pudding kind of snow. This was harsher, with a subzero wind driving particles of the white stuff, like tiny pieces of icy grit.

Sensible creatures, like bears, go to sleep in warm caves when the weather gets like this but, out of respect for Captain Scott, I went for a walkabout.

This took me to a new building that advertised itself as the Cult Collective. I immediately summed this up as a crew of marketeers, out to make a buck by cult status brand building. Customers, complain the Cult, "usually buy things because they have a need, not a burning desire." The Cult exists to reverse that and bank some tin.

As I parsed this in terms of idolatry, mammon and Keynesian, debt-driven growth, a woman paid her parking fee in the driving snow. "God it's cold!" she said. 

"It is a bit chilly," I replied.

"Just obscene."

I don't know if the woman was part of the Cult.

Be careful out there,

LSP

Rainbow Messiah or Monkey?

Thanks to the Associated Press, all the world knows that President Obama was greeted by a rainbow on the 12th day of his vacation in Hawaii.

"Obama started a sunny and breezy morning with a workout at a gym on a Marine Corps base near the oceanfront home he's renting. A faint rainbow appeared in the sky along the route to the base from Obama's rental home in the small town of Kailua outside Honolulu."

A faint rainbow. How very lovely.

The rainbow loving leader of the free world has been called a monkey by the North Koreans. "Obama always goes reckless in words and deeds like a monkey in a tropical forest," said an unidentified spokesman from North Korea's National Defense Commission.

Russians aren't convinced by Obama's rainbow rhetoric either, and beamed a laser image of the Commander-in-Chief onto the American Embassy in Moscow. The image shows Obama wearing a party hat and eating a banana. Foreign policy experts believe that this was an attempt by the Russians to portray Barack Obama as a monkey.

So what's it to be? Rainbow Messiah, or Monkey? The vote is out.

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

New Year's Day in Inglewood

What will 2015 bring? Will the cold war against Russia get colder and then hotter? Will mainstream Western Anglicanism continue its downward spiral into sexually induced apostasy? 

Who knows, and rather than consult an Angelic Alphabet to scry the answers, I stepped out into the pleasant streets of Inglewood.

I like it here and enjoy the Edwardian architecture, which dates from Calgary's days as a Northern outpost of Empire.

Now the shops are mostly the kind of artsy boutiques you find in places like Austin, or San Francisco, and they're not cheap. Still, it's neat to look in the windows and congratulate yourself on having the good sense to be immune from the lure of their pricey wares.

There's restaurants too, and a deli called Spolumbo's. Spolumbo's sells delicious European and English sausage. If you like bangers and mash, Spolumbo's is your shop. You can get beer on tap there and drink it as you congratulate yourself on a fine purchase of excellent sausage.

Then there's the Minh Chau, which pretends to serve Vietnamese food. I'd avoid that, if I were you, and go to the Swan instead. The Swan is a pub, where you can drink beer and eat food.

Typical Canadian House. Note Antler

Maybe that's where I'll go later, to celebrate New Year's day.

Have a great New Year!

LSP

New Year's Eve

What's New Year's Eve without a visit to a gun shop? With that in mind, I made my way to Proline Shooters, in Inglewood, Calgary. This gun shop is remarkable for having a barber on the premises, which means you can get your hair cut and look at the guns. 

Calgary Capital

Some time ago, the resident barber, Doug, was a cadaverous old communist, who liked to demonize Calgary capitalists as he snipped away at your hair. You'd see him, up into the early hours, talking with the owner of the shop over a bottle of whiskey. Doug died of cancer a few years back; may he rest in peace. 

CarolPeter, Father of One

In other news, you'll be interested to know that the Church of England's first trans clergyperson has died of cancer at the young age of 60. Rev. Carol Stone started off life as Peter Stone and decided to get a sex change in 2000. The Bishop of Swindon, Lee Rayfield, stated, "She was a really true priest who overcame a huge amount in her life."

Alien Hybrid Expert

But CarolPeter wasn't a woman, more of a hybrid man/woman, or as someone put it, "A blasphemous parody of a woman." So I'd argue against calling CarolPeter "she." Still, I hope he/she sorts it all out with the Creator.

Rumors that Justsin Welby's Church of England has become a pansexual pantomime are entirely true.

Cheers,

LSP

Bad Bishop

You have to feel sorry for Thomas Palermo. It's not every day that you go out for a bike ride and get killed by a hit-and-run woman bishop, but that's what happened in Baltimore on Saturday.

Assistant Maryland bishop, Heather Cook, knocked Palermo down in her SUV and didn't play the Good Samaritan. She did drive to her gated community residence, where she was followed by Moncure Lyon, who was determined to get the offending driver's license plate. Perhaps Heather had a guilty conscience, or maybe she saw that she'd been followed. Who knows; she did, however, return to the scene of the crime.

Palermo, a married father of two children, died of his injuries. Cook has a prior DUI conviction.

You can read all about it here.

LSP