The Archbishop of Canterbury is Steve Jobs?

Startling new photo evidence suggests that former oil executive and Motorcity brawler, Archbishop Justin Welby, is in fact Steve Jobs.

Evidence emerged at a rural Texan Walmart, where stunned onlookers were shocked to see the face of the Archbishop of Canterbury on CD covers of the smash-hit film, Steve Jobs. 

Justin Welby, Steve Jobs

"I never knew Justin Welby was the high-tech genius behind Apple," stated one worried farmer, "I thought he was just, you know, an oil executive who went off the rez (reservation) in Detroit, hustling for spare change and trying to pawn his finery on 8 Mile."

Bronski Beat With Justin Welby (Center)

Others aren't convinced. According to sources at the Anglican Consultative Council, "The Archbishop of Canterbury is not Steve Jobs. Everyone knows he was the lead singer with the Bronski Beat. Nothing has changed."

Is Justin Welby Steve Jobs, or the former singer of the famous pop boy band, Bronski Beat?

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

The Feast of St. Matthias

If Donald Trump is the reincarnation of Pompey Magnus, what does that make Hillary. Some kind of pantsuited, overweight Livia? As you ponder that, don't forget it's the Feast of St. Matthias the Apostle. Here's his Collect:

O ALMIGHTY God, who into the place of the traitor Judas didst choose thy faithful servant Matthias to be of the number of the twelve Apostles; Grant that thy Church, being alway preserved from false Apostles, may be ordered and guided by faithful and true pastors; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

God bless,

LSP

Ice Creature (warning -- Muslims & Vegetarians won't like this)

A churchman kindly invited me to a hog hunt on his lease over the weekend, but I couldn't go because I had to say Mass on Sunday. I'm sure you understand, it goes with the territory.

Put it on Ice

However, I did get a pig as a consolation prize. The hog was gutted, iced, and fit neatly into a cooler in the back of the rig. 

Hang it up on The Porch Over a Tarp

Next step, take the cooler out of the bed of the truck, trying not to give yourself a hernia. Weightlifting over, lay out a tarp and hang the porker up on the front porch by its hind legs, out of the driving Texan rain.

Put on Some Gloves, Get a Knife

Put on some gloves and take up a sharp knife, I used a filet knife from Walmart ($2.00), and cut around the skin on the hoof end of the leg, then lengthwise down the front of the leg. Work the skin off and down the carcass until it hangs like a cape over the head of the pig.

Nearly There

Stop for a while and look at the pig that died so that you can live off its meat. Thanks for the sacrifice, creature of pork. 

Take The Meat Off The Back

You're now ready to get the meat; take out the tenderloins and the backstraps, then cut off the legs, slicing along the hips. You should be able to work your knife into the ball joints and pop them out, top and bottom.

Well Done, Now You've Got Some Pork

Two legs of ham later, it's time for the shoulders, cut as much meat off as you can. Clean up the mess, hose down your meat and put it in the freezer. Congratulate yourself on a job well done.

Meat in The Freezer

A friend or two threaten to visit for a feast, "honestly hunted meat is allowed during Lent," they tell me, "just not on Fridays." 

That has the ring of truth to it.

LSP

Yet More Trump Lit

Alongside decayed roués with dubious means of subsistence and of dubious origin, alongside ruined and adventurous offshoots of the bourgeoisie, were vagabonds, discharged soldiers, discharged jailbirds, escaped galley slaves, swindlers, mountebanks, lazzaroni, pickpockets, tricksters, gamblers, maquereaux [pimps], brothel keepers, porters, literati, organ grinders, ragpickers, knife grinders, tinkers, beggars — in short, the whole indefinite, disintegrated mass... 

No! Karl Marx wasn't describing the Church of England's General Synod, or even Neil Young, but what about the American political class and their media servants? ZeroHedge thinks so and I like this:

This is why the media is as much the class enemy of the working class as the incestuous, corrupted and corrupting pool of swindlers, fakes, apparatchiks, lobbyist/brothel keepers and grifters that populate Washington, D.C.

But there's plenty more. You can read the whole thing here and add it to the growing list of literature on the Trump phenomenon. 

In other news, I've just  skinned and quartered a pig on the porch. I doubt anyone's ever done that here before.

More on that exciting development later.

God bless,

LSP

Foreign Policy Tuesday

Instead of insightful forpol commentary that you can read all over the internet, I'll leave you with this interesting Moscow poster.

I think it's advertising some kind of film.

LSP

Monday Inspiration

Here's a helpful infographic to take your mind off of unsettling Hitler headlines and the disturbing prospect of Hillary Rodham Clinton becoming a pantsuit wearing nun.

In other exciting news, there's a pig on ice in a cooler here at the Compound. Blue Hogmeat is very perplexed...

Cheers,

LSP

Donald Trump For Pope

According to CNN, Donald Trump is taking a shot at the Papacy as well as the US Presidency:

I don’t have to do this, when you think about it. I really don’t. I’m rich. I’m really, really, rich. I built a great company; a tremendous company. I employ thousands and thousands of people. So my friends, they ask me, they say Donald, you have everything you can dream of. You’re rich, you have an amazing wife, an amazing family, you’re very successful, why run for Pope? And I say, you know what? I have to run. My Church needs me. The Catholics need me. I have to make the Catholic Church great again. I have to.

I especially enjoyed this:

The priest consecrates a bunch of hosts and then a layperson, usually a woman up at the altar in a pantsuit. Probably Hillary. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were Hillary.

(Laughter)

You ever notice today that all the nuns dress like Hillary? When did that happen? When did nuns start dressing like Hillary? It’s scary. It’s really scary.

Trad Catholics, and anyone else, might enjoy reading the whole thing here.

Cheers,

LSP 

Budget

One of the team sent this in and I hope you find it useful.

LSP

Ride Like The Wind

I won't lie, we pretty much flew along over the fields and trails after Mass today. But when not going full tilt hell for leather and Devil take the hindmost, I worked on collection, posting trot and basic horsemanship.

Go on, Run at That Tree

Running at a tree and then galloping around it was pretty good fun; working on serpentines with minimal use of reins was maybe less so, but probably a more valuable exercise. And I won't discount the importance of galloping through the bucolic Mesquite trails of Olde Texas. Careful there, fella, don't get your eye gouged out!

See, That's What Happens

Thorns aside, it was good to simply explore the land on horseback, I find that relaxing, it clears the head. And think, not too long ago, almost within living memory, this county was only just settled, and even that might be stretching a point. But for all its lawlessness, and there was plenty, there weren't many Indian raids. In neighboring counties, sure, but not here. 

A Fairly Typical Tree

As I understand it, people think it was a kind of neutral zone, or "treaty area," which made it comparatively peaceful, as far as the tribes were concerned. Different story of course, if you were John Wesley Hardin.

Spot Hardin. Note, none of these people are in "The Band."

Harding shot and killed somewhere between 20 and 40 people, maybe more, before he was shot in an El Paso Saloon by lawman John Selman. Hardin had killed 8 men by the time he was 16 and I mentioned that to my friend who kindly lets me ride on his ranch. "The thing about him," he said, "is that he just wasn't sane."

It's more than conceivable, in fact it is likely, that Hardin rode through or very near the land I was riding on today. 

Mind how you go,

LSP

And This One's For Jeb!

As Jeb! folds gracefully back into the wing-back chair of the elite country club that you couldn't ever hope to join in a million years night we, here at Team LSP, think it only right to play his song, maybe for the last time. And if you notice any disharmony, or lack of energy, well, so be it.

Goodnight, Jeb!, you were awesome, except that you weren't.

LSP

Magnus!

The Trumpist juggernaut has steamrolled South Carolina, leaving the bow tie and tasseled loafer brigade of the GOP establishment choking and gasping for air as they gulp down a devil's brew of single malt and vicodin. Just to steady their nerves.

Many believe that Russian strongman, Vladimir Putin, is the New Constantine. Is Donald Trump the reincarnation of Pompey Magnus?!?

It appears that the age of the Gods is upon us. 

LSP

Marcus Borg is Dead

The world-renowned scholar, author, professor and theologian, Marcus Borg, is dead. He died last year; he is still dead, although his great thoughts live on.

Borg was a Christian who didn't believe that Jesus was God and rose from the dead, or perform any miracles. He didn't believe in the Bible either, for him it was just a myth, but he did believe in his new religion, Panentheism, which says that everything is God.

Panentheism

Penentheism is like pantheism, except that it has an "en" in the middle of it. It is not like Christianity, which is why Borg was made a Canon Theologian in the Episcopal Church and served at Trinity Cathedral, in Portland, Oregon.

The Jesus Seminar

Borg became a superstar for debunking Jesus' divinity on Robert Funk's celebrity Jesus Seminar, in which genius scholars played with colored beads and decided the Gospels weren't true. Once they'd said that a few times the Jesus Seminar wasn't famous anymore. 

Kahn and Funk

Robert Funk should not be confused with the former IMF NWO Illuminati financier, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, even though both of them were against Jesus.

A Typical Head on Mars

Like the Jesus Seminar, and possibly Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Marcus Borg is not famous anymore. But that might change, his head has been found on Mars.

Your Friend,

LSP