Tuesday, January 20, 2015

United Kingdom of Gayness

The news is coming in fast and furious from the Sceptered Isle and it's pretty gay. 

No sooner had Stephen Fry tied the rainbow knot with Elliott Spencer, than Edinburgh played host to the world's first ever pagan gay wedding.

Tom Lanting and Iain Robertson, who describe themselves as "hedge witches," were married in a wedding ceremony in an Edinburgh cellar this weekend.

According to the BBC, the gay pagan marriage ritual included "jumping the broom" and "handfasting," as well as drinking a bottle of mead. 

A well known paranormal expert in the U.K. commented, "There's one religion which has always said it has no problem with same-sex marriage. Satanism."

Vicious rumors that Stephen Fry is in a relationship with a 27 year old boy are entirely true.

Mind how you go,



jenny said...

It's official: Humans terrify me.

LSP said...

It's all very scary.

LL said...


I'm sure that's all very sweet as part of the Satanic marriage ritual, but it's way too much information.

If Blue Homophobe was there, he'd have eaten the cake.

LSP said...

It would have been hard to keep Blue Hungergames off the cake, that's for sure.

According to the internet, the "hand' business is a pagan "betrothal."

Unh hunh.

LL said...

Hand/Fist - same thing. And after they've packed it tight, some stewed prunes to shake things out before the next love-fest.

When I was hanging out with the Royal Marine Commando's in Ulster (Circa 1975-6), I remember one very tough character commenting, "I could go a fag."

He looked at me, with my screwed up expression and said, "I could use a cigarette, yank -- I don't want to put my tool up some bloke's hairy ass."

It was nice of him to clarify that for me.

Anonymous said...

I thought Scottish witches came in threes not couples. As in:

"When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"

LSP said...

That's a very good point, LL.

"I'm going to go and smoke a fag," might mean a very different thing in Texas than it does in, say, Brighton.

You'll note the fruit on the top of Mr. Fry's "wedding" cake.

LSP said...

This is interesting, Anonymous.

Perhaps the BBC wasn't being exactly honest with us and that there's an undisclosed 3rd party.

Perhaps the world's first ever gay threesome marriage was too much for public consumption?

LL said...

Gary marriage as defined by the ObamaNation doesn't limit a 'union' as two partners. It doesn't even specify that they are all humans. Thus a lesbian could marry her two cats and it would technically not violate the spirit of the law.

Score one for Satan.

LL said...

Right, smoking a fag in Texas is the prelude to a trail funeral out in the south forty.

In London, the whole thing takes on a very different process.

Michael Peterson said...

Is a "hedge witch" like a "hedge priest"? Or "hedge fund manager"? Or "hedgehog"? I just want to know exactly how hedges figure into it.
Stephen Fry has certainly let himself go since "Jeeves and Wooster", back when the 1% were chinless inbred idiots and not hedge fund managers.. or hedge hogs ...

LSP said...

I'm not quite sure what a "hedge witch" is.

But I hope it's nothing to do with "handfasting"...

jenny said...

Apparently hedgehogs are not hogging the hedges nearly enough. They need to coordinate an attack on the witches.