Melania Mondays! President's Day

Reeling from the vision of Justin Trudeau's remarkably gay socks, readers are clamoring for something uplifting, which is why we're bringing you another episode in the popular series, Melania Mondays!

Described as "an angel in white," Melania visited victims and medical staff at a Florida hospital, two days after last week's tragic shooting.

Unsurprisingly, people suffering from TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome) lost no time in blasting America's popular and glamorous First Lady for smiling alongside injured students and their carers, as well as tweeting that "everyone should test the power of kindness."

"Kindness, you seriously must be joking, you took advantage of a school shooting for a photo op. You didn't travel together because he cheated on you but you showed up at the hospital," ripped one unkind TDS victim on Twitter.

Others were even more deranged, accusing Melania's husband of "cheating #AlternativeFacts spewing" and racism.

Hold on, haters, are you living in opposite land? What's wrong with the First Lady and President cheering up people in hospital and encouraging kindness? Get back on your meds and turn that deranged frown upside down.

After visiting the hospital, Melania and the President hosted a party at their Mar-a-Lago resort, where they were photographed sitting together affectionately. 

The lying, corrupt, elite, smug, insinuating, pugnacious, venal, sly, failing mainstream media has consistently claimed that Melania's marriage to Donald Trump is a sham. Perhaps that's why she looks so miserable sitting next to him, except that she doesn't.

Well done Melania for doing your bit to make America great again. Have an outstanding President's Day.

MAGA,

LSP 

Justin Trudeau's Remarkably Gay Socks

 

Canada's winsome Premiere, Justin Trudeau, is rightly renowned for his remarkably gay socks, so it came as no surprise to see him sporting a pair of Darth Vaders in India.

The wacky Vaders came out after Trudeau was left waiting on the tarmac for Indian Prime Minister Modi, who sent an underling to greet the Canadian supremo.

Trudeau, who is an enthusiastic advocate of gay sex, is well known for his his love of Star Wars themed socks, such as the witty "Droid."

Will his playfully gay socks walk back Modi's snub and reverse Canada's status from Gujerat vassal to sovereign nation?

Don't say Vimy Ridge,

LSP

Government Insider Reveals Anglican Warp Technology!

Ex-Pentagon expert, Alan Delgarde, has made astonishing claims about the technology which keeps the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion (WANC) in the air.

According to Delgarde, WANC is still flying because of "energy" and the "ability to warp space-time" and a single, mysterious technology.

"We believe it has to do with a high amount of energy and the ability to warp space-time, not by a lot, but by a little. We do believe all these observables we've been seeing, sudden and extreme acceleration, hypersonic velocities, low observability, trans medium travel, and last but not least, positive lift, anti-gravity – is really the manifestation of a single technology," said Delgarde in an interview with Compound News.

Others aren't convinced: “Are UFOs chasing our jet fighters, as recent secret documents suggest?" opined space boffin, self-described Michio Kaku, “Maybe they are experimental hypersonic drones. Or maybe aliens from outer space? I keep an open mind.”

So what is the Worldwide Anglican Communion, a spacetime warping, anti-gravity vessel from another dimension or just another hypersonic drone?

You be the judge,

LSP

Year Of The Dog

Sources within the intelligence community inform us that it's now the Year of the Dog and Blue Pie Eater agrees. For him, every year is Year of the Dog.

I tell him, "No, it's the Year of the Russian Bot," and he signals disagreement, wagging his preposterously spotted tail as if to say, "Don't be ridiculous, 13 kremlins posting disparaging comments about Hillary on the internet means nothing. I need food, it's the Year of the Dog."

Bowing to Blue Agitprop's logic, I give him a Pedigree Triple Action protein stick; it's gratefully received and wolfed down with K-9 gusto. 

Speaking of dogs, why didn't Hillary and the DNC turn over their infamously hacked mail server to the FBI? You know, the one that was supposedly violated by evil Russian hackerz.

Surely the DNC didn't have anything to hide, which is why they won't be worried about Buzzfeed suing them for pertinent Russiagate information. 

Dog eat Dog!

LSP

Russia Responds To Mueller Indictments

Popular Russian Foreign Ministry spokeswoman, Maria Zakharova has responded to Deep State Mueller's indictment of 13 Russian nationals accused of disparaging Hillary Clinton on the internet, calling the allegations "absurd."

While dancing the Kalinka, Zakharova posted to Facebook:

"13 people interfered in the US elections?! 13 against an intelligence services budget of billions? Against intelligence and counterintelligence, against the latest developments and technologies? Absurd? Yes."

One of the 13 Russian Bots indicted by Mueller, "Putin's chef," Yevgeniy Viktorovich Prigozhin appeared to welcome the accusations against him.

"Americans are really impressionable people. They see what they want to see. I greatly respect them. I’m not upset at all that I am on this list. If they want to see the devil, let them see him."

Glad to oblige.

Your Friend,

LSP

Deep State Mueller Indicts Thirteen Russian Bots

Special Counsel Robert Mueller has unveiled the shocking findings of his year long investigation, indicting 13 Russian nationals.

Their crime? Attempting to interfere with a US election by posting disparaging comments about Hillary Clinton on Twitter and Facebook. Yes, you heard that right. This unholy band of Russian Bots, these Kremlins, had the sheer, brazen iniquity to disparage Hillary Clinton, on social media no less.

Now the 13 false apostles are facing charges in the US while living in the luxury of their bot barracks in the Kremlin, mission accomplished. You can read their names here.

So that's it, the result of Deep State Mueller's long and arduous attempt to show that President Trump colluded with the Russians to stop Hillary winning the White House. Here it is, for all the world to see, 13 infamous Russian Bots posted bad things about Hillary on the internet and Trump had nothing to do with it.

What a shocka. But while we're at it, how did Wikileaks get all those DNC emails?

Don't say Seth Rich,

LSP

A Day Of Clouds And Thick Darkness

That pretty much described the route to the first Mass of Ash Wednesday, as smoke filled the air and trucks came to a stop to make way for various first responders; I was afraid I'd be late for Mass.

Not to worry, before too long the road was clear enough and we rolled slowly through the smoke, hazards on.

Just in time for Mass but speaking of smoke, do you you remember the FISA Memo and the attempted coup against the President? For that matter, did you see Susan Rice's curious memo to self? Some say it paints Barack Obama in an unfavorable light. 

God bless,

LSP

Ash Wednesday Valentines

It's Ash Wednesday and Valentine's Day, when we celebrate a martyr, love, and mark our foreheads with an ashen cross as a sign of penance; remember, O man, that thou art dust and to dust thou shalt return.

Love is the unifying factor in this apparent clash of Feasts. The love of the martyr for Christ, even to death, the love of a man for a woman and the love of our Lord, supremely manifested on Calvary. So perhaps the calendar isn't as confusing as it seems but I'll spare you the sermon. Here's the Collect instead.

ALMIGHTY and everlasting God, who hatest nothing that thou hast made, and dost forgive the sins of all those who are penitent; Create and make in us new and contrite hearts, that we, worthily lamenting our sins and acknowledging our wretchedness, may obtain of thee, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

God bless you all this Lent,

LSP 

The Greatest Portrait Ever

Now that you're happily full of pancakes and djinn fizz, consider these portraits and ask yourself if one of them is not like the others.

Here's a hint.

Your Friend,

LSP

The French Sixty Nine

The eternal suns and systems,

Solid and silent all,

To me are stars of an instant,

Only the fires that fail

From God's good rocket rising

On this night of carnival.

What better way to relax before the onslaught of multiple pancake dinners and the rigours of Lent than a fortifying French 69. You can shake it up like this.

69ml Champagne

30ml Old Raj gin

15ml elderflower liqueur

15ml lemon juice

Lemon twist garnish

Combine gin, elderflower liqueur and lemon juice in a shaker with ice. Shake well and strain into a chilled flute. Top with Champagne and garnish with a lemon twist.

Then, as you reflect upon the strange mystery of Ash Wednesday falling on Valentine's Day, raise your glass and drink to victory.

Cheers,

LSP

Get On Parade!

Everyone loves a military parade, unless Trump's proposed it and you're a deranged leftist politician or a member of the millionaire socialist media. Then you hate parades with a kind of deranged frenzy.

“We would go to Washington, D.C., if such a crazy and insane act occurred and we would lay down in front of the tanks, just like the heroes and the courageous students did in China in 1989,” wailed Green Party senatorial hopeful, Arn Menconi. And here's the New York Daily News in the form of Richard Cohen.

He does not so much envision an army at quickstep, but himself reviewing it. It is this that so offends — the American military as a Trump prop, its heroes, its wounded and its dead drafted to serve the needs of a squalid ego, and its somber tradition of martial modesty turned to bling by the vainglorious President. The appropriate date for such garishness is Trump’s own birthday — the former Flag Day, the future Trump Day, and, to some of us, the new Halloween.

Halloween, or the Devil Rides Out? It seems the News and Cohen don't like President Trump and you have to wonder if they're very much in favor of the military. They're not, certainly to the extent of supporting an actual parade honoring the services. But the veil drops at the New York Times, which leads with this.

Tanks, jets and other killing machines painted olive-drab and tan could be rolling the routes of the nation’s capital later this year for a peacetime parade inspired by President Trump.

There you have it, the gloves are off. The military is a despised "killing machine" and no amount of hysteria is unjustified when it comes to an event which honors and celebrates its values and tradition. The left hates all of that with a vengeance and rightly so, it stands for everything they're against.

On the other hand, the American military is the most popular institution in the country, as opposed to Congress, the Senate and their friends in the media.

President Trump's parade, if it happens, may well strike a chord.

As in open order, right dress.

LSP

Coronation March Of The Russian Bots

Inspired by Borepatch, we're delighted to present Tchaikovsky's famous Coronation March of the Russian Bots. Majestic!

And here's a helpful infographic, just to drive the point home.

Your Friend,

LSP