The Best Story You Never Heard In Your Life

Do you remember the bizarre narrative, read lie, that claimed Donald Trump and his associates were secretly in the employ of the Kremlin? That they were Russian spies, recruited by the chief of KAOS and SPECTRE, Putin himself.

You know, the same faked-up PR witch hunt spin that was put out by Hilary's handlers and their allies in the lying, corrupt, elite media without a shred of evidence. All for what? To save Hillary's losing face at the risk of another Cold War, and so what if the tactic wrecks the country's governance, it's worth it to make your enemy, the President, fail.

Well, you've all heard of karmic lashback and that seems to be on full supply right about now. Or, to put it another way, Boomerangski.

Who was it that supplied the phony Trump Dossier, apart from a British spy, and why were the notoriously criminal, blackmailing Awan brothers given top-level IT clearance at massively inflated rates, and allowed to stay on the job till the very last minute? Surely they didn't have any dirt on their Democrat Paymistress, Debbie Wasserman Shultz, and friends. 

Regardless, the bogus Kremlins fairytale is dying a natural death and its cheerleaders are sloping off into the dark like dogs trying to avoid a beating. But well done, Democrats, your skulduggery and malfeasance has served to destroy cooperation between Russia and America. Too bad, we could have worked together to destroy the Islamist savages.

So much for the peace dividend; saving the optics of Hillary's ignominious and well-deserved thrashing at the polls was apparently worth it for you, our inside-the-Beltway professional ruling class.

Rumors that top Democrats are Crowleyite ritual Satanists are entirely with foundation. And don't mention the pizza.

Of course the lying, corrupt media aren't reporting any of this, making it the best story you never heard in your life.

Stand by the JAMS,

LSP

Cooking With LSP, Toad in the Hole

"Cooking with LSP is as dangerous as it's absurd," you mutter darkly to yourself. But not so fast, it's possible and here's how.

Get hold of a large iron pot, a mixing bowl, some flour, a pack of Johnson's Original Brats, if you can't find English bangers, eggs and milk. Then bask in the cost-effective simplicity of the ingredients. Well done, you're making Toad in the Hole; cheap and simple, nothing fancy and mighty tasty. 

Self-congratulatory reverie over, make the batter by mixing up a cup of flour, 3 eggs and 1 1/4 cups of milk in your bowl, the consistency should be smooth. Add a pinch of salt and set the mix aside in the fridge as you preheat an oven to 425. Have a glass of wine in the interim, or not. There's no rule.

Next step, pour some oil in the iron pot, add the sausages and fry until golden brown, for about 10 minutes. Watch them hiss and spit like defeated Democrats, then take your batter from the fridge, nicely chilled, and pour it directly over the sausages. (NB. some experts set the sausages aside, pour some batter in a hot pan to make a base, let it cook for 5 minutes, then add sausages and the rest of the batter. )

It won't look pretty. But don't freak out like a Spirit-Cooking Podesta staring down the barrel of emailgate, just put the whole thing in the oven, uncovered, and let it cook for 25 minutes.

After its stint in the oven, take the pot out and stare in amazement at the batter which has risen up around the sausages. Congratulations, you've made Toad in the Hole.

Cut it up and serve with onion gravy and vegetables. Then eat your scoff like a warrior.

And that's cooking with...

LSP

Witch Hunt!

America's truth seekers in the Democratic Party, along with the Washington Post and the New York Times, are engaged in the greatest witch hunt this country's seen since the storied days of Salem, or Senator McCarthy. That's right, the hunt for Russian spies, attempting to subvert our democracy.

Spies like General Flynn, Jeff Sessions and the President, Donald Trump himself; all tools of the Kremlin! But what about the Podestas? You know, Hillary's campaign chairman and his brother, Tony?

John and Tony may not be witches, although they're friends with one, Marina Abramovic, and their lobbying firm, the Podesta Group, only took in $20k a month, from March-September 2016, from Sberbank alone. All for lobbying the administration to put an end to Russian sanctions. 

You can read about it here and while you're at it, remind yourself of the Podesta Group's past business in the enchanted woods of Uranium One, Russian banks, the Clinton Foundation and Hillary herself.

Odd, isn't it, how the Russian witch hunt's died down in the last few days, and here's a thought. When you cast a spell, say it's against the Russians or Trump's administration, make sure it doesn't rebound and hit you in the face.

God bless,

LSP

Maybe Magic Will Stop Trump

Hillary couldn't stop him, the lying, corrupt, elitist media couldn't stop him, all the expert pundits from around the world couldn't stop him, so now it's time for the left to to try something new. Who knows, maybe magic will stop Donald Trump!

With that in mind, optimistic witches and wizards from across America are set to perform a magic "binding spell" on the President tomorrow, February 24, at Midnight. Here's an excerpt from the magic ritual:

(Light white candle)

Hear me, oh spirits

Of Water, Earth, Fire, and Air

Heavenly hosts

Demons of the infernal realms

And spirits of the ancestors

(Light inscribed orange candle stub)

I call upon you

To bind

Donald J. Trump

So that he may fail utterly

That he may do no harm

To any human soul

Nor any tree

Animal

Rock

Stream

or Sea

Pretty neat, eh? That'll get Trump, just the way the hippies managed to levitate the Pentagon with their magic powers. Leaving aside the mawkish, eerie similarity of the "ritual" to an Episcopalian "liturgy", we have to ask, have the Democrats become the party of Satan?

Look at the evidence. They vigorously support Planned Parenthood which sells baby parts, think Moloch, they're trans, think Baphomet, they hate traditional Christianity and go into paroxysms of rage at the Lord's Prayer, think The Exorcist. But that's not all.

Their spectacularly failed healthcare plan was used to attack nuns, they persecute Christian businesses, they love Islam, Christianity's ancient enemy, they hate Christian marriage, and on and on. 

For goodness sake, Hillary's Campaign Chairman, John Podesta, is a spirit cooking ritual occultist. Their defence? So what. And now, following their epic political fail they're rallying their spiritual side, the nation's witches.

Good luck, Demoncrats, and remember, Satan has a way of devouring his own.

Out, Demons, out.

LSP

Cooking With Spirit

I don't think any further comment's necessary, except to say tied in the polls, really? That's damning.

God bless,

LSP

The Magic Island

Imagine this island, owned by a really rich guy, where millionaires go to have their "needs serviced" by underage sex-slaves. They fly there on a special plane, the "Lolita Express" and get to indulge their deranged lust in a frenzy of orgiastic luxury. That sounds ridiculous, right? The stuff of cheap novels. Except that it's not.

Jeffrey Epstein invited the rich and famous to his sex-slave island with a kind of devil-may-care profligate abandon and was sent to jail for his crimes. Bill Clinton was a favorite aboard the Lolita Express, go figure, and chalked up an impressive 22 flights on the orgy plane. Hillary went, too, but maybe it wasn't really her thing, she only flew the Lolita 6 times.

Maybe you think this is absurd, ridiculous mudslinging and the product of a fevered imagination. You know, like emails that show Democrat Supremo, John Podesta, taking part in Satanic ritual magicke.

Go right ahead and think that but remember, it's all a larf until you wake up and a demon's gnawing on your inner thigh. Or ruling your country.

These people need to go.

LSP