Bear Attacks Surge In Japan

 

2023 is a record year for bear attacks in Japan, that fabled land of the rising sun. Yes, some 203 persyns have been attacked by the furry beasts this years alone, a record. According to CNN via Breitbart, the hungry bears are looking for acorns and find tasty human flesh instead:

“The thing is that you can have years of bad harvests and years of good harvest of acorns,” contends Maki Yamamoto of Nagaoka University of Technology. “And when the harvest is bad, the bears cannot store enough energy before hibernation by eating mountain acorns alone, so they get closer to human settlements looking for fruits, chestnuts, persimmons, walnuts, and farm products in general.”

So why the sudden uptick in ursine attack? Climate Change, obviously, which is why we all need to be taxed moar or we'll get eaten by bears.

Cheers,

LSP

Melania Mondays!

Mondays can be bad, no doubt about it, just ask Bob Geldof, which is why we're bringing you another uplifting episode of Melania Mondays! on the life of America's popular, attractive and glamorous First Lady. 

Some may call her a "bitch-goddess" of "ultra-feminity," but that's not what Japanese children thought as they adoringly hugged the former Yugoslavian model at a Tokyo school.

Described by CNN in a rare moment of truthfulness as looking "demure" in Dior, Melania was met by some 200 rapturous students at the Kyobashi Tsukiji Elementary School. The children loved America's First Lady and who can blame them?

After a group photo, Melania went on to practice calligraphy with the youngsters before a joyous send off and lunch with Mrs. Abe.

Well done Melania, for doing your part to make America great again on your first presidential tour of Asia.

MAGA,

LSP