How To Replace The Extractors On A Mossberg 835 Ulti-Mag

"So, LSP, if that's your real name which we doubt, how do you replace the extractors on a Mossberg 835 Ulti-Mag 12 gauge?" Good question, punters.  First things first, you put the beast on a Led Sled and take a photo with your not-so-smart phone. Beautiful, isn't it.

Then you reminisce about all the armed strolls through the country, dove down, skeet smoked, rabbits for the pot, ducks missed and general pump action shotgunnery. Good times, no doubt about it.

But here's the thing, it may be a deadly assault shotgun but only if the extractors work and the gun cycles ammo. Then it's banned in dhimmitudes like New Zealand, Great Britain, Australia and beyond. In those countries only criminals can own guns, so law abiding citizens are safer.

Reverie over you move to the task in hand, changing out the 20 year old (?) extractors and their dualist, Manichean springs. How? It's not hard, take down the weapon, behold the bolt, place it on two blocks of wood and tap out the pins which hold the extractors and springs in place. Then replace. Easy, right?

No, not easy, because the pins are held in place by dark Zeroastrian magicke, Pangea, typical. First you take a pin punch to the thing, tap, tap, tap; tap out the pin, LSP. Fail. The pins don't want to move because they're wedded to staying deep within the Solar Disc of the bolt.

Don't give up like some kind of RINO, fight through to the objective. For me, that meant moving the lubed up bolt to  a vise. Resist, Ulti-Mag enthusiasts, the urge to pound the bolt with a hammer. Instead, take a sturdier punch to the task and tap again, the pin should move. Follow through with a lighter gauge punch equivalent.

Retaining pins driven out of communion, replace the worn out qabbalists with new parts. It's easy enough, pop in the springs and extractors, hold the extractors in place with a retaining punch and tap in the pins. Do it in a vise, if you're me. 

Please don't freak out and pound on the immobile pins with a sledgehammer, that'll mess up the job. Stay calm and while you're at it it, remove and clean the bolt lock. You don't have to, there's no "rule," but I recommend it.

Then sit back and behold the glory of the thing. Two new extractors in an old bolt and a gun restored to fight again for another couple of decades. Right on, and you did it yourself as opposed to paying someone at Ray's to rip you off $200.

The Mossberg 835 Ulti-Mag began life in 1988 as an all-purpose shotgun, capable of handling small to big loads, 2 1/4-3 1/2". It retails at around $600, mine cost $200 from a gun show a decade ago, and features a ported barrel, tang safety and over-bored barrel (don't try slugs, kids). It's been a workhorse and worth every penny.

Buy one if you like, but be sure to spray the unpleasant camo on the new guns black. Better yet, go to a gun show and buy one at the right price.

Your Pal,

LSP

Take That, Racists!

At last, at long last, Vanderbilt University is opening an exclusively trans medical clinic.

The trans rainbow clinic is set to open on Fridays and will bring in a once a month "team comprising urology, plastic surgery, and gynecology...to discuss patients’ varying surgical needs.”

Take that, racists,

LSP

Climate Justice

Some people, say those who live in Aberystwyth, shake their fists at the weather and cry out for justice, climate justice. It's not fair that the climate should attack them on a daily basis with unending rain while a privileged elite live under the sunny skies of Texas. 

Fair? Hardly and if you doubt me, try taking a summer vacation in Borth without an umbrella and a fleece. But seriously, climate justice is about more than sharing the Texan sun with our weather oppressed Welsh friends, it's about "working at the intersections of environmental degradation and the racial, social, and economic inequities it perpetuates."

You see, anthropocentric global warming creates a greenhouse effect in the earth's atmosphere, causing the climate to change because of CO2 emissions. This makes the weather hot, which melts the ice caps and causes drought and catastrophic flooding. And it makes the weather cold, because the sun's heat is blocked by carbon dioxide, bringing on a new ice age. Polar bears are tragically driven schizophrenic by this injustice.

Poor people of color are also harmed by the inequity, as their huts flood and then become frozen blocks of ice. On the other hand, privileged whites, living in mining compounds on the high ground of the Mogollon Rim in Arizona, for example, are spared. 

Such is the perpetuation of economic, social and racial injustice, brought on by the Weather. You can take a course on it at the fabled school of higher learning we call "Cornell."

All this passed through my mind as I drove through the asset stripped streets of this rural Texan haven, while the rain crashed down with southern fury and wildfires raged through the pines of Arizona. What had gone wrong, had we somehow failed to pay our Climate Tax?

Smart people are investing in boats, skis and fireproof bunkers.

Your Pal,

LSP

Prep For The Eschaton

Rain's lashing down, thunder rumbles, lightning flashes and we're listening to Waylon while loading magazines and cleaning actions. Be prepared, right?

For what? The Eschaton. That's getting mighty close, lately, and I ask you, have you seen the doomsday clock tick-tocking more dangerously?

Pray, please, that we don't go to war. Again. Especially as Al-Qaeda's air force and the army of Saudi Arabia.

Lock up the pedo globalists instead.

Your Pal,

LSP

Memo's Comin'

The memo's coming and it looks like the FBI & Co aren't too happy. But, but, but the memo's going to compromise national security! Yeah, that's why there's a Russian spy in the White House.

In the meanwhile, ask yourselves why a trainload of GOP release-the-memo congressmen and their families were almost killed on their way to Greenbriar by a stray, completely random truck on the tracks? 

Strange, isn't it. Enjoy the infovideo.

LSP

White Christmas? Racist Christmas

White Christmas, Jingle Bells? Delete your account, racist and go to the gulag. Well, at least if you're a student at University College, London or some higher hall of learning in Boston.

Will someone, please, put a stop to these Maoist freaks and start a cultural revolution and let 100 flowers bloom?

In the meanwhile, let's have a white Christmas.

Your Pal,

LSP