Up To Their Old Tricks or Rank Hypocrisy in High Places

As dogs return to their vomit, Harry and Meghan run to their jets

Celebrated royal eco-warriors Harry and Meghan are exhausted from their mission to tell you to save the planet. That's why they climbed on another private jet, again, to visit Elton John's rainbow palace in Nice.

Nice if you can have it, which we don't, but not to worry. "Sir" Elton's promised to pay a "carbon tax" to offset the royal couple's expenditure in fossil fuel. Big sigh of relief. 

Thanks, Elton, and behold your new reality, serfs. A transnational elite flying Gulfstream to visit each other while lecturing you, their slaves, to pay up, pay up, and the pay the game. 

Oh, and by the way, don't you dare accuse a jowly old pop star of being anything other than normal. That's be racist, homophobes.

Hey, don't worry, your city might be a hollowed out, asset-stripped wasteland but at least you, the serf, has access to trans toilets. So everything's rainbow alright. Celebrate that, peons, while your betters climb aboard their Gulf Streams.

Halfhearted rant aside, I'm a loyal servant of the Crown, a Monarchist, the Old Service. Can someone please tell these Green Imposterf that privilege comes with responsibility? Otherwise watch out for pitch forks down the Mall. 

And that, friends, is the very least of it,

LSP

Obey Your Rainbow Rulers

Great Britain's Monarch, Sir Elton John, has forbidden British press from reporting on his star-studded sex life, involving steamy three-ways with his husband David Furnish and other male celebrities.

Elton John and David Furnish

Because of a court order, it is now illegal for media to publish stories about Elton John and David Furnish cavorting with their lovers in children's swimming pools and having olive oil wrestling bouts with Canadians.

John Bercow

The pink gag order extends to England's Parliament, where the Speaker of the House of Commons, John Bercow, has banned MPs from revealing the identity of England's Rainbow Rulers, Elton John, and David Furnish.

Er...

Thanks to what is known as a "back door injunction," British citizens and MPs face punitive fines and prison if they publicly reveal the identities of their Queens.

You can read about England's new-found freedom of speech here, here and here.

Some Guy in a Dress

In related news, the US Navy is actively recruiting transsexuals. "The hope," said one senior naval officer on the condition of anonymity, "is that the enemy will die laughing."

Rule Britannia,

LSP

U.S. Foreign Policy Caught on Camera!

U.S. foreign policy was captured on film by two hikers on Mount Rainier, in a revealing photo showing two ghostly figures clasping hands in a rainbow halo.

Known as a "Broken Deceptor," US foreign policy appears as a shadow on mist or cloud, causing a circular rainbow halo to form around it.

Obama Waves Goodbye to Foreign Policy

According to one of the hikers, "As the day went on, the Deceptor would last longer and was more prominent and colorful. The best display was in the evening, when the Deceptor appeared very clear, large and a short distance from us, right before thick clouds rolled in and obstructed the sun."

NATO Cultural Attache to the Kremlin

Rumors that Elton John, NATO cultural attache to the Kremlin, has been asked by President Obama to take over from John Kerry as Secretary of State have not been substantiated.

Russia is now fighting ISIS in Syria.

LSP

Elton John Says Jesus Wants Gay Marriage

Legendary pop idol and Gene Robinson look-alike, Sir Elton John, has come out swinging against the Catholic Church, stating that Jesus would have been in favor of gay marriage if he was alive today.

Gene

In an interview this weekend with Sky News, the aging genius behind smash hits such as Rocket Man and Candle in the Wind, accused the church of being "old" and "stupid."

Elton

"These are old and stupid things," said the knighted pop superstar, referring to heterosexual marriage and clerical celibacy. Sir Elton went on to say that Jesus was a Christian person who would be in favor of homosexual priests marrying other men.

"If Jesus Christ was alive today," stated the legendary pianist, "I cannot see him, as the Christian person that he was and the great person that he was, saying this could not happen."

Elton?

Like his separated-at-birth identical twin, Bishop Gene Robinson, Sir John wasn't shy of giving theological advice, telling his listeners about the nature of Christ and his Church, stating, "He (Jesus) was all about love and compassion and forgiveness and trying to bring people together, and that is what the church should be about."

Gene?

Some believe that Elton John and Gene Robinson are the same person. In the words of one Doppelganger Industry expert, "have you seen them both at the same cocktail parties? No. I thought not."

Like his namesake, Bishop Gene Robinson, Elton John will be getting gay married, sometime this year.

Mind how you go 

LSP