Thursday, September 22, 2011

Market Meltdown - Anglican Church of Canada Launches Stimulus

As investors fled today's market, dumping everything from equities to gold, ACoC, the small-footprint Canadian Anglican franchise, launched its own brand of stimulus - handing out free tokens in Toronto.

Led by top ACoC official, Bishop Mark MacDonald, clergypersons gave away gratis invites to commuters on the metro area GO Train, asking them to "go back to church." 

Dressed in full bishop's regalia, including a "button blanket" depicting an eagle, a wolf, a raven and a killer whale, MacDonald acknowledges he shocked some passengers. "People aren't used to seeing somebody dressed like that, especially at seven o'clock in the morning," said MacDonald in a statement to press.

According to Bishop Patrick Yu, who handed out tokens at Agincourt GO station, ACoC's giveaway gambit might not result in more people going to church. "The success isn't how many people come," said Yu to the Toronto diocesan website, "it's how many people do the inviting."

Others are less optimistic. "Is this Halloween?" remarked one commuter.

NASA scientists predict that ACoC, or similar space debris will fall to earth on Friday, but that's one chance in thousands. "We take in about 450,000 observations per day, and that helps us track the 22,000 space objects that we track currently. The small Anglican Church of Canada is one of them," said Major Michael Duncan at the Defense Department.

Experts are unsure as to whether ACoC's efforts to boost value in time for Back to Church Sunday will coincide with the tiny ecclesial body's possible re-entry into earth atmosphere.

ACoC leader, Fred Hiltz, was unavailable for comment.




lukeya said...

Thanks goodness I drive to work.....

David said...

Actually, the last I heard, the ACoC had broken free of the earth's gravitational pull and was headed full speed ahead to the Diffuse Nebular.

Or maybe I've got that confused with the Diverse Nebular.

LSP said...

Lukeya, you were very fortunate to miss them...

LSP said...

The vote's still out David.

Some experts, like yourself, feel that ACoC is heading into the icy vastness of deep space.

I must admit that I'm inclined towards that view.

Others feel that "Spaceship Hiltz" is mindlessly circling the earth in a decaying orbit.

I'll be interested to see whether or not the diminutive ecclesial body does, in fact, end up in the Diverse Nebular. Then again, perhaps it will simply be sucked into a black hole and disappear into another universe entirely?