Beto Burger

Beto makes a burger pic.twitter.com/PywGSE58jD

— Behind 2020 (@Behind2020) August 24, 2019

Remember Beto? Neither do we, but here he is miserably failing to fry up a burger in a risible attempt to persuade you that he, the millionaire socialist, is really one of the people.

What's wrong, buddy, the cook's sick? You obviously need more and better servants, and what's with the weird broccoli side? "Oh, I'll have a side of steam-damp broccoli with my burger on a toasted English Muffin," said no one ever.

I mean really, you couldn't make this sh*t  up if you tried. Good work, Beto, you're gonna beat 45 2020, right along with those Kraft Singles. Pathetic.

Dems are flailing. Has Satan abandoned its toys? 

KAG,

LSP

Copperhead Road

As you were. 

Carry on, 

LSP

Boy's At Basic

Joining the US Army's quite a process. It took my eldest son, the Recruit, four months and I have to hand it to the recruiters, they kept the boy engaged. Given the nature of the teen beast, things could easily have turned out differently. 

But they didn't, and the kid shipped out to Fort Benning yesterday to be with the Army in Georgia; he  left a very soldierly(!) sounding message last night, excited to be on his way. Of course he has the pleasure of looking forward to this:

Well you know what they say, character building, and in the long term so much better than sitting around playing Death Metal, awesome as that is. So well done Recruit, get through Basic and evolve up.

More on this exciting story as it unfolds.

Go Army, 

LSP

Grand Hotel

There you go. Rock on, G7,

LSP

Boston

This one's for our Georgia correspondent and no comment except, "Vatican 2? Empty the pew."

God bless,

LSP

The Cane

Here's the thing. The broad path of licentiousness, of "do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law," of "No Gods No Masters!" is all very well until you get to the rodeo and end up with 3 screws in your femur. Don't do that, enter by the "strait gate" instead, or its anemic friend "narrow door."

Lectionary notes aside, the Recruit suggested I try out a cane at Walmart and guess what, it worked. This means bye-bye walking frame, hello cane. And I tell you, I like the evolution. So does the dog. The appalling frame confused Blue Eschaton. But perhaps you're asking "is there a sword in that stick?" and "if not why not?"

Don't worry, we'll sort it out. In the meanwhile, the kid's with Uncle Sam, waiting to fly out to Ft. Benning tomorrow. More on that later.

Cheers,

LSP

Trans Genius

Beautiful, right? But here's @XplosiveTweets:

Transwomen are every bit as much a woman as I am, they just don't have a vagina, uterus, or fallopian tubes.

They can't get a period, get pregnant, or give birth to a baby.

Other than that, samesies.

— Red (@XplosiveTweets) August 24, 2019

There's genius and there's genius. I won't comment because that'd be redundant.

BREXIT, KAG,

LSP

#MillSoc Mountebanks

No nation, however large or small, wealthy or poor, can escape the impact of climate change.  Rising sea levels threaten every coastline. Barack Obama.

Millionaire socialists Barack and Michelle Obama, estimated net worth $135 million, loved their seaside summer rental so much they decided to buy it, for less than $14.85 million. 

That's right, this socialist paradise of a summer house, featuring seven guest rooms, servants quarters and so much more, costs less than $15 million. And it's a prime oceanfront property.

But wasn't global warming going to raise sea levels, flooding out the coasts? Wow, that's really serious, like War on Weather serious, which is why Barack said this in his 2015 State of the Union address, "No challenge – no challenge – poses a greater threat to future generations than climate change."

Yeah, that's why you bought a mansion on the Atlantic coast, you #MillSoc mountebank. But hey, at least it cost less than $15 million so when the waves wash it all away, not so bad. Plenty more cash where that came from, and we have to wonder. 

"There’s only so big a house you can have,” said Barack to South Africa,  “There’s only so many nice trips you can take. I mean, it’s enough.” Quite.

Leaving aside egregious #MillSoc hypocrisy, are the Obamas corrupt, ignorant, deluded, living-in-a-bubble liars, or all that together? Have they reached Marie Antionette (RIP) levels of hubris? Your call. 

And their multi-million dollar house is common.

Best,

LSP

The Democrat Slate

Nailed it? Via Armed And Dangerous:

How the D candidates would introduce themselves at the next debate if they were honest

Hi, I’m Joe Biden. I’m the perfect apparatchik – no principles, no convictions, and no plan. I’m senile, and I have a problem with groping children. But vote for me anyway because orange man bad.

Hi, I’m Kamala Harris. My white ancestors owned slaves, but I use the melanin I got from my Indian ancestors to pretend to be black. My own father has publicly rebuked me for the pandering lies I tell. I fellated my way into politics; put me into the White house so I can suck even more!

Hi, I’m Elizabeth Warren. Even though I’m as white as library paste, I pretended to be an American Indian to get preferment. My research on medical bankruptcies was as fraudulent as the way I gamed the racial spoils system. So you should totally trust me when I say I’m “capitalist to my bones”!

Hi, I’m Bernie Sanders. I honeymooned in the Soviet Union. I’m an unreconstructed, hammer-and-sickle-worshiping Communist.

Hi, I’m Kirsten Gillibrand. I used to be what passes for a moderate among Democrats – I even supported gun rights. Now I’ve swung hard left, and will let you just guess whether I ever had any issue convictions or it was just pandering all the way down. Tee-hee!

Hi, I’m Amy Klobuchar, and I’ve demonstrated my grasp on the leadership skills necessarily for the leader of the Free World by being notoriously abusive towards my staff.
Hi, I’m Robert Francis O’Rourke. I’m occupying the “imitate the Kennedy” lane in this race, and my credentials for it include DUI and fleeing an accident scene. The rumors that I’m a furry are false; the rumors that I’m a dimwitted child of privilege are true. But vote for me anyway, crucial white-suburban-female demographic, because I have such a winning smile!

Hi, I’m Pete Buttigieg. I was such a failure as the mayor of South Bend that my own constituents criticize me for having entered this race, but the Acela Corridor press loves me because I’m fashionably gay. And how right they are; any candidate you choose is going to bugger you up the ass eventually, but I’ll do it like an expert!

Hi, I’m Bill de Blasio. I’m as Communist as Bernie, but I hide it better. And if Pete thinks his constituents don’t want him in this race? Hold…my…beer!

Hi, I’m Cory Booker, and I’m totally not gay. OK, maybe I’m just a little gay. My city was a shithole when I was elected and I’ve done nothing to change that; I’m really just an empty suit with a plausible line of patter, especially the “I am Spartacus” part. But you should totally vote for me because I’m…what was the phrase? Oh, yeah. “Clean and articulate.”

Hi, I’m Marianne Williamson. If elected, I will redecorate the White House so it has proper feng shui. I am the sanest and least pretentious person on this stage.

Here at the Compound we hope you appreciate this lighthearted satire.

Your Progressive Pal,

LSP 

Ursula von der Leyen Zapfenstreich!

Germany's outgoing Defense Minister Ursula von der Leyen got quite the sendoff  on her way to become President of the European Commission. Look, here's a short video.

This is Ursula Von Der Leyen’s. Leaving bash in Germany. In appreciation of her newly appointed Presidency of the emerging federal EUSSR quango in Brussels. This should send clear warnings to anyone who voted REMAIN ! RETWEET WITH GUSTO !#StandUp4Democracy pic.twitter.com/jsKvYANOVD

— Andrew Henderson (@arhselk) August 21, 2019

I like martial tradition, a lot, but where have we seen this sort of thing before? The "great replacement" might want to take note of precedent. 

That aside, the German military are obviously pleased to see their Defense Minister go, and who can blame them? They've been training with broomsticks, their planes don't fly, their subs don't work, and they have these weird little tents. Hardly good for morale. 

Not to worry, Fatherland, Ursula's taking her, ahem, warlike qualifications to Fortress Europa, where plans are afoot for a grand EU Army.

The world quakes at the dread prospect of the rainbow legion! Except that it doesn't. You see, behind every dark cloud there's a silver lining.

Your Old Friend,

LSP

Greenland? Our Land.

I promise not to do this to Greenland! pic.twitter.com/03DdyVU6HA

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 20, 2019

Yes, '45 is an APEX TROLL. Mr. President, that island belongs to US. You see, yet more happy news.

Your Friend,

LSP

Love

Tired of an endless stream of negativity? Maybe Donna will help.

Love,

LSP