Tornado Eschaton

If you're a millionaire socialist, like Russell Brand, or Hillary Clinton, you might not be affected by the weather. Just climb into a private jet when things go wrong, and fly somewhere else. 

I'm not so lucky, when a Tornado Warning flashes across the screen, there it is and there I am, in the midst of it.

That's what happened this evening. The sky turned grey, then green, then black, and big hail started rocketing down from heaven like so many icy meteors.

I took in a worried parishioner who thought it'd be safer in the Compound. Perhaps it was, as the ice rattled off the house like shrapnel at the battle of Verdun.

It was neat driving around the town in the storm. Good thing I had a truck; other drivers were less fortunate, stranded in the flooded streets. Maybe they're armed, maybe the're not. If not, they'll wish they were.

As I write this, rain falls down in sheets, lightning flashes across the sky and we stand here, resolute on the perimeter, magazines full and round in the chamber.

Go on, Libs, come and take it. Just you try.

Be safe,

LSP

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day everyone, especially to all you Mothers out there. Here's the Salve Regina, addressed to Mary, the great Mother of God and the the new Eve, who brought life into the world.

Hail, holy Queen, Mother of mercy, our life, our sweetness and our hope. To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To thee to we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn, then, most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us, and after this, our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.

V. Pray for us, O holy Mother of God.

R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

Let us pray. Almighty and everlasting God, Who by the working of the Holy Spirit didst prepare both body and soul of the glorious Virgin Mother, Mary, that she might deserve to be made a worthy dwelling for Thy Son, grant that we who rejoice in her memory, may, by her loving intercession, be delivered from present evils and from lasting death, through the same Christ our Lord. Amen.

God bless, and don't forget to love and respect your Mothers.

LSP

Mummified Alien or Anglican Communion?

A startling photo has surfaced, showing what appears to be a desiccated alien life-form, long dead. Or is it the Anglican Communion? Experts are undecided.

"Well, now that we have a much clearer photo of this body, I'm still very much on the fence," stated one pundit, "For starters, even IF this photo was taken in 1949, two years after the alleged Roswell crash, there's simply no way the body would be in such a state of mummification. It looks like it's been laying in a cave in the desert for 50 years, so there's a problem right off the bat. It looks more like the Anglican Communion than a space alien."

An indecipherable statement of belief, or "placard," was cited by experts as further proof that the mummified body was the Anglican Communion, instead of a dried out alien corpse.

According to UFO expert, Don Schmitt, "There’s a placard, very fuzzy, that can not be legibly read by the naked eye, yet we’ve had everyone from Dr. David Rudiak, to Studio MacBeth, even the Photo Interpretation Department of the Pentagon, as well as Adobe, have all told us that it’s beyond the pale, that it cannot be read, it is totally up to interpretation. Just like the Anglican Communion."

The Anglican Communion was last seen voyaging into the icy void of deep space.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Russel Brand, Millionaire Socialist

Here's a picture of U.K. megastar celebrity, Russell Brand, climbing into a private jet. Russel Brand is a socialist. 

That is all.

LSP

Is Joe Biden Becoming a Woman?

As gay rights activists around the world celebrate the Conservative Party's victory in the U.K's General Election, a startling new "shift to the pink" may be occurring, here in the U.S. 

A Typical U.K. Conservative

Sources deep within the Intelligence community have indicated that Vice President Joe Biden is transitioning to become a woman, in a desperate bid to secure the Democratic Party's nomination, and beat Hillary Clinton.

Making the Change?

"Slow Joe may not be too quick on the uptake," said one insider, who wishes to remain anonymous, "But he knows he has to do something radical to beat Hillary. That's why he's becoming a woman and positioning himself as the transgender candidate for 2016. Joe can't keep his hands off women, now he'll get to be one."

Estrogen

Vice President Biden is a popular speaker at transgender events, such as the OutGiving fund raiser at Dallas' swanky Ritz hotel. In 2012, Biden told a woman in Florida, who he thought had "beautiful eyes," that transgender rights "were the civil rights issues of our time."

Will Joe Biden beat scandal-plagued Hillary by becoming the nation's first ever trans presidential candidate? 

The polls are open.

LSP

Hands Off! Joe.

Some say that Vice President Joe Biden is a malfunctioning artificial intelligence (AI), with aging circuits and a broken down array of spatial sensors.

Others think that he's just a creepy old man who manages to embarrass Barack Obama himself.

Creepy, aging politician, or broken AI?

You be the judge.

LSP

Hillary Clinton, Stench of Corruption

Presented without comment, except to say that Team LSP applauds the genius behind this latest round of Hillary street art.

Well done, carry on,

LSP

Westminster Abbey Goes Muslim. Dean Hall, We Scorn You

Westminster Abbey had a come to Mohammed moment when it celebrated the centenary of Anzac Day, and invited worshipers to make the following prayer:

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful,

Praise be to the Lord of the universe who has created and formed us into tribes and nations so that we may know each other, and not so that we may despise each other, Peace be upon all auspicious prophets of God, from Adam, Noah and Abraham to Moses, Jesus, and Mohammed Mustafa, who pulled humanity out of darkness into the light and became guides to peace.

The prayer was written in Turkish, presumably to avoid offending Christians who might have been surprised to find Christ relegated to co-prophet status with Mohammed. Others might even have questioned the accuracy of describing Mohammed, who was a warlord, rapist and killer, as a "guide to peace."

Mohammed Flies to Jerusalem

At which point, unless you're an avid fan of Mein Kampf, does Mohammed, who personally beheaded, raped and enslaved Jews at Medina and Khaybar, for example, count as someone who "pulled humanity out of darkness into the light"? 

Dhimmwit

The Dean of Westminster, Dr. John Hall, has defended the Islamic prayer, stating, "This particular isolated prayer is within orthodox Christian worship behaviour, teaching and everything."

No, Dr. Hall, it isn't. You are a Dhimmwit. 

We scorn you.

LSP

Fr. Dolling on Chicago

Anglicanism's a confusing beast, and it gets all the more confusing when you consider its claim to be catholic. This isn't taken very seriously these days, if it's considered at all, but it was in the 19th century, when the 1st and 2nd Oxford Movements worked to catholicise the Church. For the clergy and people of this movement, to be an Anglican was to be a catholic Christian. 

One of the more colorful figures of the 2nd Oxford Movement was a slum priest, Fr. Dolling, and I was reminded of him at a clergy conference (SSC) today, in Arlington.

Dolling visited America in the late 1890s and stayed for a year, before returning to work in England's slums. He was struck by the country, especially Chicago; here's his description of the city on a Sunday evening:

"Comparatively few of the churches are open on Sunday night. All the theatres, and music-halls, and saloons, and low resorts certainly are. To wander along State Street on a Sunday evening is to witness sights the equal of which is to be seen in no other city in the world, and as to what may be seen in other cities of the world I have not a small experience. There is no suggestion of Sunday evening. The shop-doors are closed, but all the windows are a blaze of light, and before them are crowds of women looking at the bonnets, on slowly revolving discs, or watching the electric appliances that dazzle the eye with sudden gleams of tinted globes. Crowds surge about the lower-class theatres. There is the beating of a drum and the shriek of a hurdy-gurdy to attract to a dime museum. At one street-corner is a man yelling anarchy. He has a big crowd. At another street-corner is a sallow, curly-haired individual demonstrating that the earth is flat. He has 200 listeners. At another corner is a semicircle of Salvationists, and a tall woman in a poke bonnet is nasally yelling in prayer that God would strike Chicago to Hell. There are not more than a dozen onlookers."

I love that.

God bless,

LSP

Dog & Gun

My dog, Blue Cartoon Contest, loves gunfire and he loves the range. So do I, so I took the little barker out to the country for some more remedial pistol practice.

Blue Ferox

Lo and behold, no sooner had I drawn my .45 from its holster than my excitable Heeler began to bark with joy. He ended up being relegated to the 50 yard bench...

A Bit More to the Left, Please

I tried out some slightly better ammo, to see if it'd improve my groups, and it certainly didn't hurt, tightening things up by about an inch. But I can't brag, because my performance wasn't stellar, unlike the cop who took down the Muslim terrorists in Garland.

The Prophet

At the end of the shoot, I pitted my wits against the ancient adversary, swinging steel plates, at 10, 15, 25 and 30 yards. They got a severe beating, until I moved out to the 30 yard mark, at which point they were mostly safe.

A Dog in the Grass

There was a time when they weren't safe at 30++ yards. I want to get back to that.

Shoot straight,

LSP

Jihad, Meet Texas

The Jihad came to Texas yesterday, as two Muslim holy warriors attempted to shoot up and possibly suicide bomb a "draw Mohammed" art contest in Dallas. The Islamic terrorists were shot dead by police.

The U.K. dhimmitude media refuses to show pictures of the drawings that incite Muslims to kill and murder. So here's one, to make up for the deficiency.

Some dhimmwits are blaming the Muslim terror attack on Islamaphobia. You can read about that on the internet.

Result? Texas: 2, Jihad: 0.

LSP

Joe Biden Champion of the Oppressed!

Vice President Joe Biden visited Dallas yesterday, where he spoke at a fundraising dinner for the oppressed LGBTQ community. 

Oppression

Where did the downtrodden, persecuted pansexualists meet? Why, at the Ritz-Carlton in Uptown, of course, where rooms start at $449 per night and guests can graze off Wood Grilled South Texas Sorghum Glazed Antelope and Coriander Crusted Lamb Chop.

Discrimination

And let's not forget the Yoakum County Akaushi Beef Filet and Chicken Fried Maine Lobster and Maple/Black Peppercorn Soaked Buffalo Tenderloin.

Persecution

It must be pleasant to be so oppressed.

Downtrodden

The Vice President Joe Biden is a big fan of Whitesnake, the New Transsexual World Order, butterfly knives, and votes. 

Creepy

The Biden is known to security as "Hands On."

LSP