Sunday, September 22, 2019

Rehab - Another Triumph Of The Will

People often tell me, they say, "LSP, do the rehab." And I do, it goes like this. Look at your sturdy wooden cane and thank God it's not some flimsy piece of tariff-ridden aluminium rubbish that's made in China. Perhaps this cane is a badge of rank. 

Buoyed up by the positive thought, use the thing to navigate across the Compound's attractive front porch and into the waiting rig. Then drive to one of the Missions for Sunday Mass, reflecting on the weaponlike aspect of the stick at your side. Too bad it doesn't conceal a sword or a Derringer. Reverie over, use it to nav from the car park to the sacristy, where the lights are mysteriously off.

Non Illuminatio

Struck by the lack of illumination, observe your MC sitting in the dark and greet him with a sunny "Hello Dracula" while waving the stick about, Bram Stoker style. He was trying to sleep, the MC, not Mr. Stoker, because "a dog got me up at 4.00 a.m." Bless him.

Commiserate over the furry alarm clock issue, vest, pray and make your way to the back of the church for the "entrance procession," stick in hand. Use it to lean on, point it at people, practice drill movements with it, whatever, a useful prop. But Bronc Dracula has other ideas.


"You're not using that for Mass," he says with steely cowboy resolve. You can't argue with that, so I hung the wretched thing up on a coat rack as if a testimony to a miraculous cure, and the Mass began. 

No cane, no walker, and there it was, genuflections to boot. First time I'd genuflected since I was kicked off the horse, and it felt good, a veritable triumph of the will or more precisely, modern medicine.

Thanks, MC, sometimes it doesn't hurt to be pushed and if it does, so be it. Now in fairness, my friend's been thrown off more horses than I've ridden, and I've ridden a few. You can see, perhaps, why I wasn't about to argue the stick. Respect, and don't look or be weak in front of the team, especially when one of them's a Bronc Dracula.


And that, vast international readership, is the story of that. A short tale of God, Church, Rehab and Country Life in Texas.

Ride on,



Well Seasoned Fool said...

You cowboyed up like a good Texan.

LSP said...

Thanks, WSF. My friend's had a few injuries and knows the score, so I took the advice. Mind you, I was enjoying the prop, dammit.

LL said...

Well done, LSP.

I would still keep the cane handy in case you need it. For a while.

LSP said...

LL, I'll take your sage advice. The medicos say it'll take a year before everything's back to normals.

Ye Gods, stay on the horse, and will I ride again? Well yes, but not half-broke Arab women. Far too dangerous, obvs.

LSP said...


Anonymous said...

Swap it for a crosier?

Jules said...

Yee- Haw! Now that’s the Texan spirit. However, canes are very handy for wielding menacingly!

Jim said...

Sounds like the healing's going well. A few years back I found myself using a cane when the arthritis in my lower back decided to rub on my sciatic nerve. Luckily that eventually subsided and my cane, one of those cheap aluminum numbers, now stands in a corner waiting to be needed again. Maybe I should get something a bit fancier, something with an 15" blade in it perhaps?

Fredd said...

That cane of yours need not remain a simple stick: hollow it out, put a steel liner down the center, configure the handle for a single-shot trigger mechanism, how hard could it be?

Or at a minimum, rather than the steel barrel, simple configure it as a scabbard for the 30" double-edge sword.

As a last resort, at least fill the staff with lead, and if push comes to shove you can swing it with some heft.

Or, if you are completely ambivalent as to this cane, also shoulder an AR-15.

That, or stay away from horses going forward.

LSP said...

Anon, I don't think the fighting monkey would approve!

LSP said...

I was just getting into it, Jules! But yes, when the eyes of Texas are upon you you've gotta step up to the plate.

LSP said...

Jim, I think a swordstick's important. I want one.

LSP said...

That's great advice, Fredd, and I'm tempted by the single shot. Perhaps a 410? Just don't shoot your foot off, obviously.

Kid said...

Sounds like you're doing well Parson. Good deal.