It's raining here in Texas because President Trump G6'd the G7 climate deal, allowing the Russians to hack the weather and ruin everyone's Memorial Day weekend.
Sources claim that a top-level White House insider spoke with Russian ambassador, Sergey Kislyak, opening up a special back passage which allowed the Kremlin to hack the weather, causing it to rain. The Kremlin hack, code named Soggy Bear, disrupted millions of Americans' cookouts.
President Trump unleashed a tweetstorm, accusing US media of promoting "fake news" in an attempt to get Hillary Clinton, but then went on to prove Russian collusion by addressing US troops in Italy, chanting "USA, USA!"
Trump's display of traitorous sentiment at the close of his first foreign trip caused MSNBC's popular transsexual journalist, "Rachel" Maddow to call for the President's impeachment.
Here at the compound we're firing up the grill, despite our enemy, the Weather. Rumours of visiting Spetsnaz and Bear Cavalry officers are entirely without foundation.
God bless America.
LSP
