Aaaand They're Satanists

Is Hillary Clinton an occultist witch? According to her new book, What Happened, which details her doomed bid for presidential power, she is.

After writing that she thought she "must be going crazy," Clinton tells the world that she considered resorting to voodoo to save her floundering campaign.

“Sometimes I snapped at my staff. I was tempted to make voodoo dolls of certain members of the press and Congress and stick them full of pins. Mostly, I was furious at myself.”

Hillary has history of fascination with the occult going back to the 1970s, when she attended a voodoo ceremony in Haiti with her husband. According to journalist Bob Woodward, Hillary's interest in black magic extended to seances in which the then First Lady attempted to contact the dead in the 1990s.

According to Larry Nichols, Hillary's occultism didn't stop at voodoo and seances. Speaking to Infowars, the Clinton insider stated that Hillary regularly attended "witch rituals" in California.

“Bill told me that she was going out there (Los Angeles), she and a group of women, and she would be a part of a witch’s church. Man, when Bill told me that, she could have hit me with a baseball bat. I tried to point out to him, ‘Do you realize what would happen if that got out?’ Of course my job was to make sure it didn’t get out.

“Now I don’t know the day, if Hillary still partakes in the witch ritual, I don’t know that I even know what the ritual was. But for the better part of many years, Hillary would go quite often, whether it was regularly once a month, or maybe once every couple of months, she would go out on the weekend simply to be a part of it.”

However, black magic has its price and a top Russian exorcist claims that Hillary Clinton is possessed. Speaking anonymously to Russia Insider, the Russian monk stated:

"By their fruits you shall know them. "From the bombing of Yugoslavia to the killing in Libya, Syria, and Ukraine, Clinton seems to reflexively support policies that lead to needless death and suffering. This is also a sign."

Occultism has dogged the Democratic Party's inner circle over the last year. Wikileaks revealed that Hillary's campaign chairman, John Podesta, took part in Crowleyite ritual magic, or "spirit cooking," which was conducted by New York occultist, Marina Abramovic. 

Is Hillary a black magic devil witch, possessed by Satan? As you ponder that, reflect on the flies which rested on Clinton's face during her thwarted attempt to be the most powerful woman in the world. 

And by the way, Baalzebub means Lord of the Flies.

Out, demons, out.

LSP

Cooking With LSP, Smothered Dove

Cooking with LSP? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, you say with a snort of condescension, and I don't blame you, who'd have thought it. But there is a way and here's how.

Go on, Shoot Some Dove

Drag yourself away from Hillary Possessed By Satan! headlines, I know, it's hard, and go out and shoot some dove. Breast the birds and season with salt, pepper and Cavender's, which is made to an "Ancient Greek Formula." Who knew that the Athenians of old had Hydrolysed Corn Soy Protein? Well, now you do. 

Dove, Onion, Heavy Metal

Take time to stand back and admire your handiwork, thinking yourself fortunate that the kitchen's protected by a .38 Special, or a Glock, or a mighty .460 Magnum, or whatever. The gun's up to you.

Set it Aside!

Next step, fry some bacon in a piece of heavy metal, set it aside when crispy, and brown the dove in the drippings along with a chopped onion and some extra Ancient Greek Formula. That done, put the dove and onion aside with the bacon and congratulate yourself on a successful evolution. Good thing you've got that pistol, right? 

Random Dogs on a Rug

Add 3 tablespoons of flour to the drippings and stir it up, don't be scared, whisk away! As it starts to thicken, open a can of chicken broth and add that, too. Stir, and ponder the delicious aroma rising from the heavy metal. Congratulations, you've made gravy, just be sure you don't get it on your elitist inside-the-Beltway tasseled loafers.

Come Together

Reverie over, add dove, onion and bacon to the pot and stir it around. Cover and bake at 350* for an hour and serve with Yorkshire Pudding, or rice, or mashed potatoes, your call. Maybe include a vegetable of some sort, like carrots, it's up to you, there's no rule.

SOVEREIGN

When it's all together on the mahogany, fall upon your scoff and eat it it, like a Sovereign. And that's cooking, with...

LSP

Satan Discards His Toy

All the world knows that there's something wrong with Hillary. She can't stop coughing, as though she's been hexed, and on 911 she had had to be carried, twitching and shaking, to a waiting van.

Well, Perfectly Well

Is she sick with "overheating," "pneumonia," "allergies," or some other thing, like millionaire Armani pantsuit socialism? 

Revolting

Is it the case that a demon is breaking its infernal contract and leaving her, twitching spasmodically, while it searches the wasteland for a new host?

The Djinn Looks On

Seriously, why would a person who advocates the slaughter of children in the womb, who is a ringleader for it, a cheerleader even, not be possessed?

Black Lives Matter, Hillary

Knees buckle, shoe lost.

Vade Retro,

LSP