Epstein Knew The Clintons

Former President Bill Clinton tells us he didn't know jailed pedophile millionaire Jeffrey Epstein very well. Perhaps that's why he rode the fabled Lolita Express 26 times, and why Epstein was there at the conception of the Clinton Global Initiative.

Chelsea Clinton doesn't know Eppy very well either, which is why Eppy's former  flame and procurement assistant, Ghislaine Maxwell, went to Chelsea's ritzy wedding. The two reportedly became pals on, you guessed it, a yacht. 

But that's all well and good. Eppy's been having a rough time of it since his July 6 arrest for sex trafficking. He's been denied bail, and found crying in a fetal position in his tiny cell with marks on his neck. Anyone might think he'd tried to commit suicide.

After all, he knew the Clintons, but will he survive to trial?

You be the judge,

LSP

El Nino Escapes

The War on Weather took a serious turn for the worse with the dramatic escape of El Nino, a renowned weather kingpin.

El Nino's jailbreak has brought a surge of humid, wet and stormy weather to the once arid state of Texas, causing local residents to suggest taking matters into their own hands.

"El Nino's loose and wrecking everything," said one angry Texan, "The Government isn't doing anything about it, but I've got guns and there's only one of it. We're fixing to shoot it."

In related news, the oil giant, Exxon, is being investigated by New York's Attorney General for climate crime, and traitorously giving aid to our enemy, The Weather.

That wouldn't have anything to do with the company's partnership with Rosneft, or it's stunning failure to sponsor the Clinton Foundation. And the Benghazi massacre was caused by a video that no-one had ever seen.

El Nino is still at large.

LSP