Hackerz?

 

Today's news cycle moves with all the slapstick, comedic speed of the Keystone Kops on meth, so you may have forgotten the infamous Colonial Pipeline hack, back in May.

This involved a sinister cyber gang called Barkside Darkside which took down America's largest oil pipeline in a ransomware attack. Pay us around 5 million bucks in Bitcoin, said the cryptic crims, and you get your pipeline back.

Sure enough, Colonial coughed up the crypto, and before you could say SPECTRE and CHAOS, this essential bit of American infrastructure was back up and running. Thank God for that, and yet another instance of those dastardly Kremlins messing with our great democracy. 

Thank God our patriotic sleuths in the FBI were on the case and wasted no time recovering the bulk of the missing millions. Sorry, Putin, foiled again. But how did these latter day Sherlocks get the cash? Easy, they followed the money, which was publicly traceable to an online wallet on a server in California. Hey, fire up your laptop, find the transaction, the wallet address, and boom, go to court and get that cash. Which is what they did.

So. Are we really supposed to believe that Cyber Spetsnaz are so laughably stupid as to store their ill-gotten digital currency in an online wallet, in America? You know, when they could've spent $50 for its offline hardware equivalent? Who knows, maybe Russian hackerz are incredibly, ridiculously stupid.

Speaking of which, it seems Colonial's cyber security was pathetically rubbish. Who knows, maybe some 13 year olds broke in for a larf. Possible. Then again, perhaps we're looking at an equally rubbish false flag, or simply useless pipeline tech, which bodes ill for the future. Or, surely not, USGOV feels threatened by BTC because, you know, USD$ is so totally sound.

Check out Zero for the lighthearted story.

Cheerz,

LSP

At The End of The Day

 

Here we are at the end of another clement day in rural Texas, and what did the day bring? Good weather, which is weird because the state's attacking DC for trying on its green new deal job killer gambit. And not only that, our AG's going after retail brokerage hucksters like Robinhood, which may or may not survive the weekend.

Speaking of which, Gamestop shares are holding at a sturdy $325 after hours, AMC and Blockbuster continue up and the great popularist Bull Raid into the nation's kleptocracy continues. Dr. Swankenstein, our financial consultant in Minneapolis, prophecies:

It's only been 24 hours, but I predict that the event will be called GameStopGate, and that it was an attack by domestic terrorists with ties to white supremacy.

And quicker than you can say Harriet Tubman cannibalized Andrew Jackson, out came this, from the appropriately named and pathetic Vice:

What?!? Can't be having all all those serfs making money at the expense of their private jet, yacht owning, billionaire socialist betters, that'd be racist. And Nazi. And racist again. So arrest them for the sheer temerity, the brazen audacity, the literal gall and sedition of taking money from the ultra rich. Can't be having that in our brave new socialist utopia. Oh no.

Let's see how this plays out. Will the most popular president in American history ban retail trading for its transphobic racism? Will Robinhood implode and bring another Lehman moment, in which banksters get bailed out by you, the dirt people? Or will Hedge Funds and their famously rich clients who aren't in Congress and the Senate get a right and well deserved whipping. I hope the latter outcome's in play, but let's see.

In the meanwhile, will $GME go to 1000 and become EPIC ALPHA? As it is, 325 ain't bad at all and looks set to blow up several enemy positions. The enemy being the transnational, keleptocrat elite, call them oligarchs if you like, who've been waxing large at the expense of the people. 

That they hide their evil under the guise of rainbow tolerance and transsexual toilets only compounds their egregious sin. On the Left, AOC gets it, and so does Tulsi, Bernie's silent in one of his several socialist mansions. The rank and file? Not so much, they're shilling for Hedge Funds and don't see it, eyes wide shut.

That is all,

LSP

From Somewhere in Korea

 

Got a call from the PFC last night and he was full of mission satisfaction, which is great because a happy son is a happy dad. No fooling. To be honest, I think he was excited by the snow in our far flung corner of empire, and who can blame him. 

OK, snow is exciting, especially if you live in Texas or the UK, but I know, it does grow old. What does this mean?

Has South Korea paid it's climate tax, and the climate's changed to colder? Or is the reverse true, did they forget to pay the tax, making the climate hotter, and therefore colder. We don't know, the proof isn't open source, but what we do know is this.

The Biden administration's ordered the Pentagon, by Executive Order diktat, to re-posture the Armed Forces to fight our greatest enemy, the Weather. That's right, to fight our Old Enemy, the climate and its changes. What'll that look like?

Perhaps we'll see walls of razor wire around the Capitol along with thousands of troops on hand to beat back rising sea levels and insurgent, dystopian mobs of crazed extremist dirt people, intent on storming the sacred halls of democracy after their crops fail thanks to solar radiation. 

Perhaps. Then again, maybe a division of heavily vetted Somalians stationed on Martha's Vineyard will do the trick against furiously rising sea levels. But what do I know? Just a country parson.

Happy Feast of St. Thomas Aquinas,

LSP