Black Mischief

 

Do you remember Juicy, the improbably named Jussie Smollet who claimed he was attacked by deranged MAGA supporters in Chicago a few years back? Sure you do, Juicy was innocently wandering around the Windy City when two MAGA thugs tipped up, noosed him and poured bleach over the innocent POC's skin.

How hideous and such racism, except that the MAGA lynchers were in fact Juicy's Nigerian personal trainers. Fast forward to today and Juicy's lost an appeals court hearing and will have to return to gaol to serve the rest of incredibly light 150 day sentence.

At Juice's initial hearing, Cook County Circuit Court Judge James Linn lambasted the race hoaxer: "You’re just a charlatan pretending to be a victim of a hate crime. Your very name has become an adverb for ‘lying.’"

Smollett used to be an actor in some show no one's ever heard of and what can we say, America's so incredibly racist you have to make it up.

Your Pal,

LSP

Stupid Busy

 

Good Lord it's been an intense few days. Well, no rest for the wicked. Speaking of which, hate hoaxer Juicy's been released pending appeal. He lied to the world saying he was attacked by vicious MAGA racists who were really two Nigerian brothers, Empire extras to boot. Juice paid them $3,500, by check, idiotically.

Then there's Hunter Biden. Turns out the Big Guy's son's laptop is, in fact, the real deal because, you know, fact check all about truth. Too bad our media's become an agitprop lie factory running at full speed. And where will it end?

That remains to be seen. In the meanwhile, this is MAGA country.

Your Pal,

LSP

JUICY!

 

We all know what happened. Super famous celebrity Empire talent Juicy Smollet was attacked in Chicago outside a Subway, where zhe was getting a sammich. 

Yes, at 2 am, in -20* weather, Juicy was savaged by two men in ski masks who put a noose on the world famous screen idol, poured bleach on zhim, hurled racial slurs and shouted, horrifically, "This is MAGA country!" before running off into the freezing night.

Guilty, M'Lud

What an horrendous hate crime! Except that it wasn't. Leaving aside curious anomalies like bleach freezing at -20, Juicy's story began to unravel when it was revealed that zhir attackers were, in fact, two Nigerian brothers who were Empire extras and physical trainers. Smollett paid them $3,500, by check, idiotically.

Jericho Green gives magisterial commentary on Juicy's faux hate crime here, here, and here, check it out. In the meanwhile, the hapless victim of his own risible screenplay's been found guilty by a Chicago court and has to serve 30 months felony probation, 150 days in gaol and pay a $120k fine.

#MillSoc Fraud

Here at the Compound, Blue snarled, "I think that lying thespian fraud got off real light." I looked at the aged cow dog, curled up on a Moslem rug with his absurdly spotted tail and replied, "Quite."

As of 2022 Juicy's net worth was an estimated #MillSoc $1.5 million. So utterly oppressed. 

Cheers,

LSP

***

UPDATE JUICY SAYS NOT SUICIDAL

If I did this, then it means I stuck my fist in the fears of black Americans in this country for over 400 years and the fears of the LGBTQ community. Your honor, I respect you and I respect the jury, but I did not do this, and I am not suicidal. And if anything happens to me when I go in there, I did not do it to myself, and you must all know that. I respect you, your honor. I respect your decision. Jail time [pause]. I am not suicidal.

 

What?!? Why would this rich, successful, protected class thesp be driven to suicide? Did Juicy somehow annoy somebody? Magnum mysterium.