Some Kind of Joke?

The Royal Kraal

Old Etonian Justin Welby has been enthroned as Archbishop of Canterbury to the sound of beating drums and tribal dancing. Maybe the new rhythm will help reverse the Church of England's precipitous decline into irrelevancy. 

Isandlwhana

Maybe some ethnic-style liturgical dance will fill all those empty pews.

Fish Rising

Who knows, perhaps Justin's awesome fish vestments are going to bring the people in, just like the priestesses haven't. You just never know... In the meanwhile, Cyprus' banks appears to have run out money, quite unlike ours. 

Carry on.

LSP

The Bishop's Father

Gavin Welby, born Bernard Weiler

According to some newspaper(s), the new Archbishop of Canterbury's father was a Jewish feather merchant from Ruislip, which is a kind of London suburb, who emigrated to New York during World War I. He reinvented himself as a liquor salesman while hinting at a fictitious aristocratic pedigree. Then, during the evil days of Prohibition, he prospered as a kind of bootlegger and made his way back to England where he had several adventures, including marriage to Winston Churchill's secretary. He was sued by a Baronet, apparently, and died pretty much alone in an apartment in Kensington. 

grey space creature

His Archepiscopal son thinks his father was "alcohol dependent" and claims to be shocked at the revelation of his "secret life."

anglican bishop

Well look, Welby's Guv'nor was a rogue but at least he wasn't possessed by the spirit of a Grey Alien space creature. And he was interesting. And he managed to send his kid to Eton.

Eton was a seminary of sorts, before the protestants got their mitts on it.

I'm off for a ride now. Carry on.

LSP

Church of England Ruled By Grey Alien?

For the world's third largest Christian denomination, Anglicanism, there's a new boss in town, Archbishop Justin Welby.

Justin Welby

After months of gridlock, the secretive group known as the Crown Nominations Commission, have finally settled on a replacement for the outgoing Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams. Bypassing several senior candidates, such as "Ebor" Sentamu, Archbishop of York, the Commission settled on rising star Justin Welby, Bishop of Durham.

An old Etonian and oil executive, Welby felt the call to ordained ministry in the 1980s and was ordained in 1993. He soon shot up through the ranks, becoming Dean of Liverpool in 2007 before surging through the stained glass window to become Bishop of Durham in 2011. It would only take a year before his meteoric rise to power culminated in this month's appointment to Anglicanism's top job. 

Overlord

Mainstream Media attributes Welby's uncanny ability for promotion to raw ambition, a gilded background and natural diplomatic talent to "spin fudge." According to the New York Times, the new Archbishop of Canterbury has shown himself capable of being both against gay marriage and also for it, making him uniquely suited to lead the Church of England.

A Grey?

However, Ancient Astronaut theorists are unconvinced, believing that Welby's stellar climb to become the most important Anglican in the world can only be explained by extraterrestrial agency. "We don't have the technology," said one pundit, "to take a clergyperson from Durham to Canterbury in the space of a year. It's impossible! Only advanced alien technology could pull it off."

Behold your Master

Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury. Top level ecclesiastical OE, or Grey Alien spacelord puppet.

You be the judge.

LSP