Terrifying Clowns

Terrifying

A mystery clown has been terrifying the unpleasant English town of Northhampton. Taking his cue from prominent U.S. Klowns, the anonymous British jokester doesn't appear to have a coherent agenda, other than standing around, grinning and staring inanely.

Stop Scaring People

This angers some victims: "You've been spotted now get out of the clown suit and start acting like a grown up," said one Northhampton resident, "and stop scaring people as some people do have real fears of clowns and you are terrorising them despite what you may say."

Terrorising

People in America, Britain and around the world are often terrified of clowns. Symptoms include feelings of dread, increased heartbeat, sweating, nausea and anger.

At Large

The Northhampton Clown and its U.S. counterparts are still at large. Experts have written off U.S. foreign policy as "largely a joke."

LSP

Putin Scores! Klowns Go Down.

Game On

And it's a goal! No doubt about it, Vladimir Putin's been on top of his game and scoring all the points against the Krew of Klowns, and on their home turf too, the hated New York Times.

Klown Kaptain

The Klowns kicked off with aggressive bravado that soon turned to bluster and then blunder as veteran Krewman, John "Kerry the Klownsman", dropped his shot against opposition defense Assad and the rest is history.

Blunder

Putin streaked in from reserve, taking the ball through the seemingly paralysed Klowns, leaving them stunned and confused as he scored a flawless touchdown followed by a near perfect goal. "It made me want to vomit," said New Jersey Klown, "Bob" Menendez. Meanwhile, Klown Kommander, B. H. Obama, was left pathetically speechless and immobile.

Kerry the Klownsman

Here's a replay of the last moments of Putin's goal:

My working and personal relationship with President Obama is marked by growing trust. I appreciate this. I carefully studied his address to the nation on Tuesday. And I would rather disagree with a case he made on American exceptionalism, stating that the United States’ policy is “what makes America different. It’s what makes us exceptional.” It is extremely dangerous to encourage people to see themselves as exceptional, whatever the motivation. There are big countries and small countries, rich and poor, those with long democratic traditions and those still finding their way to democracy. Their policies differ, too. We are all different, but when we ask for the Lord’s blessings, we must not forget that God created us equal.

Judging by Putin's performance, some men are created more equal than others. Is this the end of the Klowns? Is Putin the New Constantine? Or will the ill-fated Krew make a comeback?

Putin and Lead Klown Offense

The world waits.

LSP