For years people have arrogantly assumed that Julius Caesar was an old white general who conquered Gaul, affirming their racial bias. But new research and analysis of marble busts, contemporary portraits of Caesar, clearly show he wasn't a violent white militarist but a wise and powerful person of color:
"Caesar has been decolonized," opined one expert from Satan's Vatican, Harvard, "The myth of settler superiority over Indigenous Peoples is broken. We've reclaimed Caesar as a person of color, breaking the oppressive myth of white supremacy. It is a global endeavor and the black busts of Caesar reinforce this."
In related news, Napoleon Bonaparte, the Corsican Upstart who was utterly defeated by the Iron Duke, was also a person of color.
Black portraits of Arthur Wellesley have yet to be found.
Virtutis Fortuna,
LSP
