Amazing Pyramid Church Caught on Camera!

Amazing camera footage has captured a skyborne pyramidal structure, which appears to be the Church of England. The pyramid has been seen in multiple locations.

Josh Edbow was startled when he saw the Church of England zig-zagging in the air above Scarborough, Ontario, Canada.

"I was minding my own business when all of a sudden it appeared, zig-zagging in the sky. It was shaped like a giant pyramid," said Edbow, "The Church made a kind of whistling noise, it sounded like 'con-seq-uences.' Then it disappeared behind a water tower."

The same object was seen above the Hebei Luannan power plant in Tangshan City, China, spinning rapidly before becoming invisible.

"The Church of England span very fast," stated one power plant worker, "Then it vanished! There was a wind, the Church was still there, but invisible."

The Church of England was accompanied by a strange smaller craft in the China sighting. 

This too became invisible after spinning wildly. Experts speculate it was the Scottish Episcopal Church.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury in Detroit Phone Heist?

Detroit police have released photos of a larceny suspect from the crime plagued city’s west side, to help investigators find the man wanted in connection with the incident.

A camera showed the suspect, wearing a stonewashed buttoned shirt, black T-shirt, dark shorts and white gym-shoes, inside the Marathon filling station in the 16300 block of Fenkell  at about 7 p.m. May 6. He then proceeded to grab a woman's cell phone and race from the store into a parked maroon vehicle, shouting, "Consequences!"

Authorities described him as a middle-aged Caucasian male, 5-foot-10, 160 pounds, with a gray complexion, and a startling resemblance to the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby.

Anyone who has any information is asked to call the Detroit Police Eighth Precinct Investigative Unit at (313) 596-5840 or Crime Stoppers of Michigan at 1-800-SPEAK-UP.

Justin Welby was last seen attempting to pawn church regalia on the Motor City's notorious 8 Mile Road.

LSP

Anglican Communion Snatched by Evil Owl?

Startling game cam footage has revealed the Anglican Communion being snatched by an evil owl, proving that there are "consequences" for what's euphemistically referred to as "riding the rainbow."

Where the owl will take the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion (WANC) is uncertain. According to the game cam's owner, the photos provided "clarity." 

Riding The Rainbow

"Some people thought there weren't any, you know, consequences when it came to riding the rainbow," he said, "Others reckoned there were when it looked like there weren't. It was really confusing, then the owl came and took the whole Communion away. It gave some clarity to the narrativity crisis."

Owls

When questioned about the destination of the owl and its captured Communion, the hunter stated, "I don't know where it's going, no one does. Maybe not even the owl, it could be flying around for kicks, fixing to drop that Communion when it gets tired playing. They do that."

An Owl Attacks

Where the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion will land is uncertain, that it's been snatched up in the talons of an evil owl appears irrefutable.

Stay tuned as the story develops.

LSP

Consequences, Consequences

All the world knows that the small but fabulously wealthy Episcopal Church (TEC) got itself in trouble with the Primates of the Anglican Communion for being, well, you know, so very gay, maybe the gayest little rainbow of a church the world has ever seen.

Because of that, the diminutive and shrinking Episcopal Church was sanctioned for a period of three years and not allowed to represent the Communion by taking part in its decision making with regards to doctrine or polity. 

The Improbably Named Bishop Tengatenga, Outgoing Chair of the ACC

So far so good, but then the members thin but coffers full Episcopal Church was invited to send delegates to the Anglican Consultative Council's (ACC) meeting in Lusaka, Zambia, earlier this month. And who can blame the ACC? After all, the faith weak but dollar rich denomination funds the ACC to the tune of $400,000 a year. Small change for the empty-pewed but bank-vault-full Episcopal Church, big money for cash starved ACC.

The TEC delegation had a good time of it in Lusaka and were pleased to write about their success in ignoring the sanctions imposed by the Primates:

A Typical TEC Delegate to Lusaka

“Because this ACC meeting was held in the shadow of the January Primates Gathering and Meeting that sought to restrict our participation as members from The Episcopal Church, we want to assure you that we participated fully in this meeting and that we were warmly welcomed and included by other ACC members.”

Justsin

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justsin Welby, was also present at the event and stated, “The ACC received my report [on the Primates Meeting], which included those consequences. The consequences stand.”

TEC Presiding Bishop Michael Curry

Team LSP questions the transparency of these "consequences;" apparently the Episcopal Church is unable to see them. 

Good luck, Worldwide Anglican Non Communion.

Your Friend,

LSP