No You Are Not Awesome

My, it being a Sunday, just look at these bishop figures. Imagine, if you can, so many people pretending to be something they don't believe in anyway. I like this infographic:

Touching, isn't it. Then there's the new bishop figure of London, pretty hot, eh? C'mon, COE, let's fill those empty pews!

But don't forget Gloucester, which labours under an ancient curse. Maybe Rachel's going to lift that because she's so feminine and gorgeous.

See, the thing is no one's going to take the venerable if disastrously shrinking Church of England seriously if they don't consecrate women to the episcopate.

Just you wait and see; something nasty in the woodshed? With apologies to the awesome Stella Gibbons, hardly, parading in plain sight.

Your Old Friend,

LSP

Lena Dunham Launches Womyn Bishop Lingerie Line

Clay Golem

Popular body positive TV star, Lena Dunham, has launched a controversial lingerie line for women bishops.

Womyn Bishop

Labelled "Lonely," Dunham describes the racy underwear as a "love letter to yourself" and refused to have images of herself promoting the lingerie in Brooklyn photoshopped, so that womyn bishops would feel empowered about their bodies.

At Last!

But will cash-strapped prelates be able to afford Dunham's upscale boudoir wear? Not to worry, Lonely retails at a price even penny pinching Church of England bishops can afford, $60.

Justsin Welby

Lena Dunham is a wealthy celebrity socialist with an estimated net worth of $12 million. When asked whether Lambeth Palace endorsed Lonely, Old Etonian, Justsin Welby, declined to comment.

Cantaur,

LSP

Womyn Bishops Are So Awesome

Perhaps you think womyn bishops are really great and awesome. Do you remember Jane Dixon? She was pretty awesome.

And what about the good looking Bishop of Gloucester. Paranormal experts say that diocese is under an ancient curse.

Or Mary Glasspool, another high-flier who broke through the stained glass ceiling. Was she the first ever lesbian bishop?

But don't forget Jefferts Schori, the one womyn bishop to rule them all. How much did the Episcopal Church decline under her overwomynship? By something like 200,000 people on any given Sunday, of which 50,000 left in 2013-14 alone. Good looking out, Schori.

Surely there's some mistake here. Weren't womyn bishops going to make the church relevant again and bring everyone back to church, filling all those empty pews? Well that really happened, didn't it. The Church of England's busy trying the experiment, too. Let's see how well that works out.

Good Luck, CofE

In the meanwhile, over the last 10 years, the Orthodox have been building or opening 1000 churches a year, in Russia. But that's a different story.

Vivat,

LSP

Womyn Bishops Are So Very Awesome

The shrinking Church of England is falling over what's left of itself to make womyn bishops, the top jobs that the declining denomination has to offer. A former Archdeacon, Christine Hardman, is the latest in a series of womyn to break through the stained glass ceiling this year, and has been nominated as the next Bishop of Newcastle.

According to Church statistics, only 5 dioceses in the CofE grew between 2008-2012, with the other 38 in decline. Average church attendance shrunk by 37,000 persons in the same period. Maybe all the womyn bishops will turn this Titanic around. Here's a womyn's Creed to get things moving.

I believe in God, our Mother Bear,

source of all being. 

I believe in Jesus Christ, God’s wisdom made flesh, 

along with Sophia, the church, and all that live in wisdom. 

Born of the bad-ass womanist liberation theologian, Mary, 

suffered under the systems of oppression of this world, 

was crucified, died, and was buried,

forever joining in solidarity with those murdered by Empire.

On the third day, the women declared him risen;

signifying God’s “No” to oppression.

He points to God our Mother Bear,

who works in this world, calling for justice for the poor and oppressed.

I believe in Sophia Spirit,

Christ’s body, the church,

the communion of saints,

the grace to reject this world’s systems,

hope for justice in the future,

and renewed life everlasting. Amen.

Beautiful, isn't it. Perhaps you didn't know that God was a Mother Bear and Mary was a bad-ass womanist liberation theologian. Now you do.

Good luck, CofE,

LSP