Hey, Check Out These Clowns

Vicious rumors that Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury and top decision maker in the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion (WANC), has been spotted in Detroit hustling for spare change are presently unconfirmed. But we do know this. The Episcopal Church's Diocese of Central New York has a new bishop figure!

Some Clowns, Goofing Off in Church

That's right, De De Duncan-Probe, Ph.D, was made Bishop of Central New York on December 3. No kidding. De De Duncan-Probe, Ph.D, is the first ever womyn bishop figure of the 13,000 member, and shrinking fast, diocese.

Hey, Good Lookin'!

Here's what De De Duncan-Probe, Ph.D, had to say about the state of the nation:

“I am overwhelmed with joy and gratitude today as I join the people of Central New York in ministry. Especially because I believe we have a crucial role to play right now. The Episcopal Church’s radical welcome, and our commitment to reconciling dialogue, make our communities a beacon of hope in an increasingly divided society.”

Or, roughly translated, "I'm a pathetic whining lib on the wrong side of history."

Just Clownin' Around

Sorry, De De Duncan-Probe, Ph.D, your crew lost and lost hard, but maybe your famous radical welcome will fill all those empty pews. 

Hustlin'.

Good luck, Diocese of Central New York.

Your Old Pal,

LSP

Monster Gas Cloud Heads Towards Earth

A massive cloud of hot gas is heading towards earth and an inevitable collision with our galaxy. Known as Episcopal Bishops Respond to Primates (EBRP) or the "Curry Cloud" for short, the huge gas cloud is thought to have originated close to home.

Curry

“Our galaxy is recycling its gas through clouds, the Curry Cloud being one example, and will form stars in different places than before,” said a spokesperson for the Space Telescope Science Institute in Baltimore, Maryland.

Budde

While astronomers are still attempting to explain why the cloud moved away from our galaxy in the first place, evidence from the Hubble telescope indicates that it has a high sulfur content. Some even theorize that the immense cloud of gas was caused by "dark matter."

Brookhart

According to an an astronomer with the National Radio Astronomy Observatory, “There are theoretical calculations suggesting that a dark matter satellite could capture gas as it passes through the Milky Way disk and that may be the amazing circumstance we are witnessing.”

Bruno

The Curry Cloud has been poetically described by stargazing boffins as "what goes up must come down."

Whalon

Mysterious radio signals emanating from the hurtling cloud of superheated gas are currently under investigation, but Ufologists may be in for a disappointment. "It's just gas," said one expert, "really, really hot gas."

Reeves

The Anglican Consultative Council (ACC) was unavailable for comment.

LSP